artemis

I dont usually post, Im a bit of a lurker to be honest, that and the fact that I feel like such a fraud. Ive been on LL since august and fell of the wagon in november. I havent been able to get back on at all.

Im currently just under 11st, but Ive been losing and putting on the same 7lbs since November. I keep waiting on my counsellor to chuck me out. I keep trying, but I never make it.
Plus Ive started having really crooked thinking, I started off saying I will have my four packs, but found I wanted more, so would have the occaisonally extra pack. Then I started to think "wait that might kick me out of Ketosis, so I better just have protien...." of course its always high fat protien.

Ive had weeks were I carbed out, days when I starve myself to make it up.

Recently Ive noticed Im almost bingeing right after my meeting for a few days and then trying like mad I try to hide the damage before the next meeting.

The fact that Ive discovered I can drink a lot of wine, eat atkins style and still stay in ketoland doesnt help. That just messes with my head.

I dont want to go into management yet, I really want to get to 9stone but I am so miserable right now. I really cant cope. Im so depressed.

I dont know what to do. I dont have any friends, partner (or even family nearby) and I feel like "whats the point"

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Here we go again, I will do it this time