Hi Emma - found your diary!
I think it's significant that you usually give up bout day 4 (did i read that right?). As you are now at day 4 I think that crossing that psychological barrier and getting to day 5 should be a major achievement! How do you plan to celebrate it?!
I also know what you mean about people wanting you to fail. Tho i am guilty of a secret sense of satisfaction when i go out socially and discover I am not the biggest person there - cos so often i am, scrap that - WAS!!
I think it is that feeling of self consciousness and comfort in the status quo that makes people want others to fail.
But in the words of Monty Python 'Don't let the *******s grind you down'!
Jeanie x