Gripped by fear

I just realised that I am absolutely terrified of the prospect of meeting up with people from this forum as I think I will be the fattest one there! I was thinking of going down to the london meet but I've noticed I am looking at peoples tcker to see how much they have lost and then coming up with excuses mentally as to why I couldn't make it. That's got me thinking about what I'm afraid of. Part of me is frightened of being slim and the attention that may bring. The thought of shopping for clothes scares me as well. At the moment i'm in control of what i'm eating but what happens when i come off cd. I feel really confused at the moment. And scared, but I don't know why losing weight should frighten me. Perhaps this time I need to look at why i became overweight in the first place in order to stop myself going back to old habits when i stop. is it just me i wonder or do other people feel this fear as well. it's good to write it down. somewhere along the way i have lost sight of who i am and what i want, i wonder if i can find it again.