I am so worried this evening. I feel totally out of control and my stomach looks like a football tonight. I don't know how to do this, I thought I did but it's becoming ever clearer that I don't.

If I don't find a way through, I'll end up back where I was or worse. How in God's name can I pull this back?

I can't even articulate any more tonight. Just had to register how terrified I am, how miserable this is making me feel, how desperate I am to NOT let myself down....

I've just spent ages working through the book and I think I've worked it out. I feel so much better now as I've done a meal planner with quantities and it feels more manageable. It has been freaking me out ever since I picked up the Stage 5 info on Wednesday because I just couldn't figure out what I was supposed to eat now I was to have two meals a day. It all felt too complicated. But I've gone back to the book again and this time I made notes! Eventually it made sense and I was so relieved....

Four months in, 3 stones and 13 pounds. And today I screwed up. I ate a mince pie and nuts and about 20 Quality Street chocolates. And all because I was so angry and stressed I thought my head or my chest was going to explode.

And now I'm really disappointed with myself. Sad and not a little angry that I punished myself for something someone else had done. I could scream with frustration as I cannot undo having eaten the crap. I compounded a horrible, horrible day by hurting...

Today I just did a 'pop in' as I can't get to group tomorrow. First week on Management and another 2.5lbs off! I was absolutely delighted.

Then I called in to Sainsburys to get some veggies and salad and I caught sight of myself in a shop window. I looked normal. The sight of me didn't make me cringe or recoil in horror. I could even enjoy seeing a reflection of myself! I am lighter than I've been in 20 years. I could almost cry with gratitude.

I like not being...

I was 1lb off at weigh in on Tuesday but started Route to Management on Wednesday anyway. I had forgotten how tedious grocery shopping is! And so expensive!!! I guess the skirt and dress I added to the trolley didn't help but nothing fits properly so I had to have them really.......

Anyway, they both looked really tiny - size 12 - so I checked that I could exchange if they didn't fit. But they did, easily . I wore the skirt with a TOP TUCKED IN on Thursday and the dress...