Thread: I lost "Me" when I gained weight ...will I ever get me back?

I don't know if this is the right place to post this or not, so feel free to move if it's not....

When I started gaining weight about 8years ago my confidence just plummeted... my ever gaining weight was always the foremost thought in my mind, 95% of my thoughts were about me being fat & how much I repulsed myself! I was also "bullied" (if you want to call it that in your 20s! ) & of course they used my weight gain against me. They even dedicated a blog to how much they hated me & hoped that I was near suicidal because of it etc hence I turned to food for comfort all the more

As a result I'm not the same person as I was, I was never the most outgoing or confident person, but I've lost that "spark" that was me, the bit that was fun & witty! It's like in conversations I just don't know what to say to people. Even people that I just know that the old Me would click with & have a great rapport with.

How do I get that back?

I am exactly the same. Over the last couple of years I have shrunk into someone that is just existing. My spark and spring in my step has gone and I want it back so so much!

I think alot of us feel like that when we put on weight. Its only recently that my confidence is returning and I feel happy and like myself again warts and all

I have a different problem in that I was fat from age 8, all through my teens and into adulthood. I am now 48. I had one brief spell of almost slimness in my early twenties, when I got down to 10st 4 and was running half marathons. I was like a kid in a sweet shop (bad simile?), wearing all kinds of new clothes, showing off my figure etc. Having the teenage years I hadn't had, if you like. Mind you, I still wasn't happy as my target then was 9 1/2 stone.

So here I am, on my way to what I believe (thanks to slimpod) will be my sustainable healthy weight. But I don't know what I will do with it, because being fat - even though unwanted - has been part of how I've understood myself. Who will new Barbara be? She can't be a teenager - I will be pushing 50 by the time I get there.

However, in some ways I will be better placed to cope with this change than I was in my teens or twenties. Because despite the fact that my body is a disaster zone, I like *me*. I am competent, confident, capable, outgoing - I know what my place in the world is. There will be changes, of course - but I'm still me.

Barbara

Originally Posted by ~Angel~

I was also "bullied" (if you want to call it that in your 20s! ) & of course they used my weight gain against me. They even dedicated a blog to how much they hated me & hoped that I was near suicidal because of it etc hence I turned to food for comfort all the more

OMG, that's terrible! What a horrible thing for people to do to you. I would say that has a lot to do with you "losing your spark". You'd lose your faith in humanity tbh.

I don't think you should focus all of your attention on the sole goal of losing weight - you would be putting yourself under even more pressure. Just remember that you are a person and there's more to you than simply what you weigh. You have strengths and talents that exist completely independently of your body and will be constant whether you're a size 8 or a size 80.

If you can find a way to love yourself (as you are) while you make healthy changes to your lifestyle you will probably find your weight-loss journey easier. And it's not an easy journey. I'm certain there must be things which you are good at and if you can focus on your good points it should help.

Once you start losing weight you can use that to feel really good about yourself. You can view it as the achievement that it is and that should give you some confidence and self-belief. The fact that you are doing something and suceeding at something which is very, very difficult and something which many people are struggling with is something of which you can be very proud.

And don't forget, you can always come here and chat with people who are on the same journey as yourself, people who understand and won't criticize your for your size.

Hi there

I think that people react differently to me when I am fat and the fatter I get the more negative the world is towards me. This is not coming from my confidence or from me - it is prejudice against the fat. And its really really bad. I think that when you reach your goal you will find that the world treats you better. You will find yourself again or perhaps the bad things you went through will have made you an even better person. I think I am better for these struggles. i am nicer to people.

Belle

That is terrible that they'd start a blog about you. They should be ashamed of themselves, not you.
Has it been closed down now?

I haven't been out with friends for nearly 2 years (I'm 26). The last time I went 'out' was for a hen party and I hated how I looked as I'd put weight on. I have put more on since then and wish I was back at that size; now that I can appreciate it. I felt big at the wedding but looking back I would love to be back there. I went from a size 8 to a size 16 in a short time and feel like my head hasn't caught up with my body. I'm putting things off all the time ie. career, friends etc then before I know it 2 years has come round. I hope that makes sense.

I went through many periods in my life were I felt like ''me'' no matter what my weight was, I was usually happeir and more optimistic. Other times, I did not even recognize myself in the mirror, let alone feel in anyway that I was myself in my mind and body. I think this disconnect not only shifts during changes in weight, but through aging and just being in different circumstances. Sometimes I felt different when I was a mother compared to being a grandmother. I thought losing weight this time would bring back that ''old feeling'' of being more attractive and full of self confidence, but it didn't because I am older now and just as invisible as a middle aged woman as I was when obese.

While I don't mean to sound pessimistic, I think it is necessary sometimes to assess where we are at and understand that as time goes on, we do indeed change and must learn to embrace the positive things going on in our lives at any given time. Trying to recapture what once was is bound to be too elusive and just never measuring up to expectations. Try to look at where you are now, in body and mind and make something fabulous out of it. This is after all, the real you, in the present moment and you can create your own spark!

I think its such a shame you dont feel like you should. I completely identify with this as I believe I changed to conform to my work expectations and society and started to dress in a way that didnt reflect the inner me. I have been through so much other change that I can see its not just the weight that changed me... different people, different location, different job all contributed. The body that is reappearing though is not the one I remember and I'm having to get to know mysel all over again. I'm no where near an ideal weight and am still very much "fat" but I refuse to buy clothes as I'm slimming down just because I need them. Hubby and I joke that I'm going through a midlife crisis because I dyed my hair red and have ripped and patched my jeans like I used to wear them in the 80's when I was a teen! But a little regression has helped along with reconnecting with old friends on facebook

i think behaviours change as you get heavier definately. I know myself I go into my shell more, blend into the background more. I know as I grow slimmer these things will change gradually. Maybe then I will get the confidence to change my job!