Thread: where have i gone?

has anyone lost themselves, their identity and self worth and find it hard to believe that you are still an induvidual.

i often feel like ive faded and no one would notice if i wasnt there.

how do i believe in myself and gind myself again?! i dont believe in myself and i think thats why i lack motivation.

can anyone suggest something to help me?

sorry for the strange post
sarah x

Hi Sarah sweetie,

You don't sound very happy at all darling what has got you saying this??? I know you have two children and its hard for mums to feel like themselves and not just someone's mum! There is only a 16 month age gap between my two and for about 3-4 years I was feeling like I'm just a mum. But once my youngest got into funded care at nursery and I had some me time I looked into getting work or doing courses or something just for me. Luckily I was able to get a fab job and now they are both in school I go to work and sometimes being the perfect mum is the job that sometimes takes the back seat!! You definatley need some me time and do things that are not related to being a mum! Leave the washing up and dirty clothes and go out with a friend or go round their house if money's tight or fit in a Zumba class or something and that will help with weight loss too.
Hope I've cheered u up a little sweetie and look forward to your reply xxx

Originally Posted by sarahmun

has anyone lost themselves, their identity and self worth and find it hard to believe that you are still an induvidual.

Yes. Four years ago I had quite severe depression - it felt exactly like you're describing. I'm sure many other people have experienced something similar - you're NOT alone. What is important to realise is that you ARE important, you ARE worthwhile, you ARE valuable. You *feel* like you are not, but that doesn't mean that you *actually* aren't. It means that is how you *feel* at the moment. That feeling CAN change. You ARE valuable and worthwhile.

Originally Posted by sarahmun

i often feel like ive faded and no one would notice if i wasnt there.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low

*HUGS*

Originally Posted by sarahmun

how do i believe in myself and gind myself again?!

What a great question! It will depend on many things, such as who you are, who you *believe* yourself to be, your lifestyle, how long this has been going on, what sort of support you have around you, your personality, what you feel comfortable or OK with doing and exploring.

The first thing which you have done is say 'hey! I don't feel too good - I want to feel better'. That drive and desire to feel better is a part of you which recognizes 'Hey, I AM worthy and worthwhile'. If you truly thought, all the way through, that you weren't, then you wouldn't even bother making this post. So, the recognition that you deserve to feel better is step #1 - keep that desire alive and flaming! It's ALREADY an act of valuing self to make a post such as this. Well done you!

The next part of believing in yourself and finding yourself again is what depends on all of those other factors. My *suggestions* would be:

Immediate:
* Make sure to take time to do things which you love for no other reason than you love them
* Appreciating and basking in what you have
* choosing to and making time to spend time with people who you love and who value you
* Taking good care of yourself in terms of physical health - good food, enough sleep, not too much sleep, regular exercise
* Practice saying NO to what you don't want and YES to what you do

Short-term (but still quite quickly):
* Assess your life and see if there's anything toxic you shouldn't have there - including and especially RELATIONSHIPS which are toxic. Remove them - you don't need to give your life energy over to people who don't deserve it!
* If you have been feeling this way for more than a little while (more than 1-2 weeks), consider that you may be experiencing some of the symptoms of depression and seek help from a counselor / psychologist.
* An appointment with your GP is a very good idea, to firstly check for any physical causes of what you're feeling - for example, hormonal changes can cause the feelings you describe. Also, a GP could help recommend you to a good counselor. *IF your GP doesn't give you the care and consideration you deserve - see another one! Don't just leave it unchecked - ask one or two of your good girlfriends whom you trust to recommend a good GP if yours isn't giving you the care and consideration you deserve*.

Personally, I also found studying the personality development system called 'The Enneagram' to be of great benefit to me, in my own personal, emotional health and in navigating relationships. It is a system of understanding people, personality and motivation. It made a lot of things clearer and easier for me. If you have heard of systems such as Myers Briggs it is similar, but more in depth. I would also recommend you to do a Google search on this and see if there are any Enneagram workshop facilitators in your area (there are 'online quizzes' you can do but they don't give you the depth and breadth of a good day / weekend workshop where you can really delve into yourself with others who are also on a journey and path of self exploration and breakthrough!). By the way the Enneagram is NOT a religion or anything like it - it's a psychological personality profile. I'm just putting that in there because I'm aware that the way I'm describing it can sound a bit cult-ish. It's used widely in personal and professional development in many workplaces in America and Europe and can also be used in personal coaching. So, if you feel called to, I would advise checking that out!

Most of all, relax. That you are feeling bad doesn't mean something is wrong - it means you're transforming. Could be on the verge of a breakthrough, not a break-down It all depends how you define it!

Originally Posted by sarahmun

sorry for the strange post
sarah x

It wasn't that strange AND better for you TO post than to NOT post.

My main advise would be - don't leave this unchecked.

*If you DO have depression - it IS treatable, but you need to actually get help. Don't ignore it! & Be aware that if you do have depression it (the depression itself) will speak in a different voice to your own voice and will tell you things like you're not worthwhile, you're not valuable...recognize when it's that speaking and when it's you, the TRUE, REAL you:

Check out:
Understanding depression*-*South Pacific Private Rehab Hospital
About Depression | MindSpot
depressioNet - Q&A's

If you keep doing the same things, you'll keep getting the same results. You've already taken the first step - now - fire forward! You ARE worthwhile and valuable. Seek the help, support and love that you need and it WILL be there. And keep talking to us, especially about your physical health journey We're not (most of us, anyway) psychologists but we can offer help, support and love - ESPECIALLY in that area of your life.

Thanks for posting,

SG.

I too have similar feelings, but believe mine to be weight related. I think the advice about doing things you love because you love them is good advice.

thankyou everyone for your replies. i know how i feel is weight related. when i started putting on weight about 5 years ago i internalised a lot if feelings and kind of hid away. i was a fun loving person who took care of herself, now with having 2 children under 3 i barely get any time to myself and feel a bit alone simetimes even though people are aroynd me. i dont feel i could ever express these feelings to friends they.have their own problems to deal with so i let them pent and then have a melt down. but after the melt down i kinda feel better and know i will feel like me again when i loose weight and find the new me.

thanks again. i think ive gotta find something i love doing other than obiously being with my kids! lol

sarah xx

Well, being at a weight which you find ideal and doing activities you are passionate about will certainly HELP - of course! However, there may be more to it than that. Your first post sounded quite honest and with a 'something is really wrong here' message about it. Now, your second one sounds almost apologetic 'oh don't mind me, I'm just fat and that's where all this is coming from'. I don't know which one is how you feel 'most of the time', but if the first one is - then don't sweep it under the rug! Seek professional help and friends to lean on. Your happiness is worth a lot and you don't have to be apologetic for wanting better than you've got in terms of joy and clarity in your life.