Feeling very emotional and confused

[Zoe.D]

I don't quite know how to explain how I am feeling but will try, so excuse my spluttered and long explanation.

I am feeling very overwhelmed at the moment with the reality of the fact that I have actually done what I have been dreaming of doing for so long. I have lost nearly all of my weight after being so big for nearly 10 years and I can't quite get my head round all of a sudden getting my life and body back. I have dreamt of being slim again for so long and it's not something I thought would ever actually become a reality and now it has I feel overwhelmed. It's a mixture of elation and sadness. Elated because it's a dream come true and sad for looking back at all the lost years and feeling so miserable about myself for so long. It's almost like someone has just told me I am cured of some terrible disease and given me back my life.

For the first time this afternoon after watching a weight loss story on tv, it finally hit me, I am no longer in that sad, unhappy place anymore and I couldn't stop crying with relief but sadness at the same time. I am so confused and was wondering if anybody has felt this way too?
Losing nearly 9 1/2 stone is a life changing event which has happened so quickly for me and I want to run around screaming I did it I did it but feel like there is no one that can understand how I am feeling. All my family are extremely proud and I have had lots of recognition for my achievement but I cannot understand this emotion I am feeling at the moment. I am almost thinking I shouldn't post this as you lot may think I am bonkers. I am so very very happy but feel sad at the same time?

[Laura Croft]

Yes I felt exactly the same. Though I only needed to lose three stone, I think I felt as tied down as you did. Physically, I can't imagine how much different you must feel though. You've lost almost half your body weight?

Losing so much weight really give us a whole new lease on life and as the weight comes off so fast, it takes a long time for our heads to catch up. There were even times I didn't feel I deserved the weight to be because SS+ really was so easy.

I know you aren't quite at the end yet but all the best with moving up the steps and maintenance. Now the hard work begins but the effort is so so so worth it.

ETA - I was just trying to find a link for you as I became really emotional as I was losing the last bits too. Apparently there's more oestrogen in our last most stubborn fat cells or something like that so when they are being zapped, more hormones are released so we become more emotional. I have explained things badly but hopefully you get the point.

[louisa83]

Zoe what you are feeling is natural. Well done it's amazing what you have achieved. xx

[mommyB]

I'm not there yet, but have often thought that for so long i have defined myself by my weight problems that i do worry who i will be when i get to target, so can completely understand how you must feel.

You have every right to be proud of loosing the weight but in many ways i think your journey is only just beginning

[truffleshuffle]

Awww hugs for you hun!! xxx

[AlexIce]

Zoe, Thank you so much for sharing what you are going through. I think I can understand how strange it must feel.
You have had incredible strength in getting to where you are now so I am sure you will find a way through this and come out the other side feeling happy with who you are.

[oisin]

What an amazing weight loss hun, I would be the same as you if i had achieved what you have xx

[Mrs Taurus]

Hi Zoe,spent ages writing long and detailed reply to your post earlier-then couldn't send it d'oh!
Anyway wanted to say that I know how you feel,I never knew what it was like to be slim until I was 25,until that time believed I was ugly and no one would ever want me....unless as the end of the night girl.
Worked so hard at school,uni and my career because that's where I got my sense of achievement-my academic success and work was my life I thought I would never get a family of my own. True I had great fun with my pals and their blokes,always being so lovely and funny so I was popular for my personality as I was nevwer going to be looks wise.
Then at 25 bingo suddenly lost 5 and a half stone,and experienced what it was like to feel confident to flirt, swap stories of conquests and spend too much money on clothes etc. It was also nice not having to be the joker to be accepted.
I often pinch myself that I have the life now that I always wanted,but didn't think I was worth and that I am married to someone I fell madly in love with,not just someone who would have me.
Mind you good job in a way I lacked confidence and buried my head in the text books,as academically wouldn't have done as well and would probably have settled down before stumbling upon Mr T at the age of 28.
I wish sincerely that I could have enjoyed my student days as a slimmer person,I feel sad for that young woman and the girl at school who threw herself into exams instead of sneaking into pubs and flirting in the common room.
To any one reading this please don't think I'm saying if your obese you can't have find a nice bloke etc-this is just what my low self-esteem led me to believe.
The thing to remember Zoe is that when we were obese there were also many happy times,but sadly the overwhelming memories are about the negative feelings we had towards ourselves. x

[Aseyan]

Hi Zoe,

I wish I could just go *poof* and make you not sad anymore. I know you feel a bit disappointed in yourself that it took you this long to make a change in your life but the thing is - you did! Many many people go through their whole lives overweight or obese and constantly talk about "tomorrow, next week, next year - I'll make a change". You actually did! You busted your tiny buns to get to where you are today. Sure - you could have done it earlier, but was your mind in the right place to do so? Was your life in the right place to do so? Were your finances? Was your support system?

You made the change and you succeeded - how flipping fantastic is that! If you're still feeling sad after considering all that, make yourself a deal. Negatate all of those years of being bigger by staying slim. Be a happy and successful maintainer and agree to let the past go by doing so.

Best of luck darling - I can only dream that my losses will be as good as yours.

[Zoe.D]

Thanks to all of you for reading my post and for your advice. I have been thinking about things so deeply this week, maybe a bit to much and I think this may be why. I was slim when I met my Husband but gradually put the weight on over 10 years and it seems now I have got back to my slim self again I don't recognise myself anymore. I know that sounds strange but I think it's because so many things happened whilst I have been overweight like having kids and getting married that now I am back to looking like my former self before all this happened it seems strange. I have never been slim since becoming a Mum, never been slim the whole time I have been married and now I am. This sounds so daft when I write it down and doesn't make sense but the bottom line is I am happy to now be a slim Mummy and a slim wife, to be able to run around with the kids and feel worthy of my wonderful Husband who has always loved me whether I am slim or big. He has always remained slim and a good looking bloke and I always felt he deserved better. He has always said he is so proud of me no matter what I look like and for this I am truly grateful but plan on never going back to my old way of eating. I think over the next year I will get used to the new me and new found quality of life. Thanks Girls xx.

[*Shanny*]

Zoe thank you for this detailed post!! loved reading every single word.!
Im struggling this week big time, feel as if i can pick myself up and get back on the wagon in the morning.xxx

[Sun_Flower]

Hi Zoe. I really enjoyed reading your posts. I can empathise with all the things you say. I am just at the very start of my journey (literally day 1), so a long way to go, but I feel its time to get 'me' back. I hide behind my personality and smile, pretending I am ok, but I'm not. I can't get clothes, or if I can they look terrible, so I only have a few. I have always put on weight easily, but when my marriage started going wrong, that's when the pounds started going on and now it seems I have a huge mountain to climb. But you prove its possible and I am determined this time. For me and my kids. PS You have a wonderful husband. The bit you wrote about him loving you regardless of your size brought a tear to my eye. Enjoy your new life, you deserve it!!

[Zoe.D]

Thank you Sunflower. I think you are going to do great on cd. Like you I had alot to lose and I thought the journey was going to be a long one but on cd it comes off so quickly which really keeps you motivated. You will be seeing results before you know it.

I totally know what you mean about hiding behind the smile and personality and pretending you feel ok when really you feel like screaming. You will feel very different soon hun and the you that is still inside will soon reappear. Good luck and if you ever have any questions or need a chat you can pm me. xx