Do we need to be more selfish?

[Cranberrie]

The next few months are going to be so hectic with weddings etc and people like my in-laws have an expectation of me to be very involved in things they do.
As a result I'm on a hen night tonight and I have to stay until the end due to sharing apartments etc. We went out for a Chinese earlier and I ordered a dish I thought would keep me on plan (810) but unfortunately the dish was quite oily and I think the tofu had been deep-fried. I'm not a big drinker and usually am fine going without but tonight has been so hard watching everyone have lovely cocktails.
Also I've hardly had any time to drink water due to having to run around after my in-laws and can't help but feel a little resentful that my otherwise smooth(ish) sailing diet is being jeapordised and made harder by things I don't particularly want to do. They have been supportive but don't get that I need lots of time to get my water intake and I don't have the energy for hen dos etc. Not quite sure how to approach this. Does anyone else have these issues and think we need to start being more selfish so we stay on plan? Apologies for the rant!

[Mamaye]

Yes definitely!

I don't have the energy for that and i have to focus on myself first. So yes be selfish!

[Chlo]

I do think that sometimes real life is going to get in the way of the diet, but in the end we need to cope with it. I think how you approach it is down to the individual, some people are very militant and do not veer from the diet, while others can have a strategic day off the diet, make the right choices and get back on track straight away while appreciating a little treat.... and sadly others have one day off and struggle to get back on track.

My philosophy is that we are going to have to cope with eating and a day off (by that I mean a low carb meal to be social) here and there for special events is a bit of training for the real event, obviously making the right choices.

I would have done exactly what you did, go along, eat something that I considered a good choice, and have a little mental moan that I have set myself back a day, but a day isn't much and my friends/family are going to be around a lot longer than the diet so if that's what it takes, that is what it takes.

[bigfatjelly]

I think we do need to be more selfish!! Ive told my friends and family that im not doing anything including food or alcohol until ive lost weight. If they are good they will support you and if they are rubbish they will try and sabotage you. It really seperates the good friends from the bad lol.
Jemma xx

[dorisdouble]

I agree with Jemma, I've told my friends that I am hibernating for a few months. There have already been a few birthday celebrations, I have requested they have some pre dinner drinks (water for me of course) and that I just attend for the drinks and then go home when they go out for the meal. I have to say that all of my friends have understood and have been really supportive.

[Pingu6]

Definitely need to be selfish to do this diet but its ok to put ourselves first, a new thing for me with three little ones!

[Lily]

I've always said you need to be selfish to do this diet. Not in a "I don't care about anyone else" way but in a "For once, I'm going to consider my needs are just as important as yours" way. Because something many of us who struggle with our weight have in common is a tendency to look after everyone else's needs first - and then find we lack the energy to look after ourselves. We're lovely people who hate upsetting others. But, as the L'Oreal advert says, we're worth it.

Cranberrie, I think you're finding this especially hard cos it's still early days in the diet for you. It can be several weeks before your body adapts to being more in ketosis than out of it. After a while, it does get a whole lot easier just to sit with a glass of water while others are eating around you. In fact, sometimes it's easier not to eat anything instead of eating something you wish you weren't eating.

For what it's worth, it sounds like what you ate was a good choice in the circumstances. It may have had a few more calories than you would ideally have liked but in the grand scheme of things it won't do much harm.

I know it's hard not to feel deprived but if you can, try to pull yourself away from that kind of thinking. If you don't take action over losing excess pounds you risk depriving yourself of health, maybe not now, but in the long run. You deprive yourself of wearing the clothes you'd love to wear, having the energy to do things you'd like to do. Being slimmer is worth depriving yourself of yummy cocktails for a few months - they'll still be there for you to enjoy (in moderation! ) when you're done with this diet.

And all these weddings, well. Picture yourself at events like them in the future where you're slim and gorgeous, with everyone around you unable to help themselves from exclaiming over how much weight you've lost, how lovely you look, being envious of your success! Cos they will be. It's all worth the short term pain, honest.

[gemjar]

Amen Lily!

I'm in similar situation to Cranberrie, hen parties, weddings and baby showers galore at the mo!

Was told at my friends hen party last night that I must have amazing will power and that I looked fab for losing over 2 stone!

Still hate getting pictures taken lol but suppose it can show me my journey when I look bk!

I'm vowing this is the last time I'm doing this diet! I refuse to not being able to enjoy myself at special events because I've 'enjoyed myself' too many times with eating stuff that I know I shouldn't be having!

History repeats the lessons we don't learn!

And as ppl have said, the people who truly care (even though they may disagree with the method) do support and encourage you!

[Cranberrie]

Thank you all so much for your advice :-) Firstly I'd like to apologise for such a poorly worded opening post - it was well after midnight and I was surrounded by incredibly drunk girls about 8-9 years younger than me who couldn't handle their drink and had pretty much just lost the plot as I usually do when I'm tired and hungry!

My main gripe is that since Thursday, I had really felt that this diet was working for me and I was doing well. I'd stopped craving other people's food when they ate in front of me and was more than satisfied with my tetras, bars and meals.
Another thing is that I don't usually need to go out and drink to enjoy myself, in fact I rarely drink these days but I just felt so out of place last night.
Aside from the fact that I was sat in front of an uneaten chocolate cake for a large portion of the night, I just felt that I let myself down by staying out longer than I should have. Clubbing is not my scene and I will often be the first one home and usually before midnight as I just don't enjoy it. Last night was no exception, I was ready to leave early but my sister-in-law basically insinuated that we had no choice but to stay until the end otherwise it would look bad - plus we were sharing an apartment booked under her name so I couldn't have left without her anyway!
My issue with this is that our energy consumption is so low that we are doing ourselves no favours by staying up until 5am as we can't eat anything else after our last allocated meal/shake of the day yet we are using more energy by staying up and therefore our bodies naturally want more calories and so feel even more tired and the hunger pangs we thought we'd banished return before you can say 'chicken nuggets'!
In addition to that we spent a good hour driving around central London so that the others could get some takeaway chips and I just felt like everything I had partaken in that evening had been a huge challenge and that actually, no matter how much I like my friends and family, my mental and physical well being is more important than inadvertently offending anyone and I just should not have gone.
The worst thing? After just 3 hours sleep, my sister-in-law, who had been drinking, woke up as bright as a button ready for a McDonalds breakfast and I woke up feeling worse than any hangover I'd ever had due to the lack of energy and sleep! No chance to recover today as again I was running around after the in-laws but I have made a pledge with myself that tomorrow I will wake up for no-one!!

Sorry about the second rant but don't think I explained myself very well in the first one! What scares me is that I was so ready to cave last night after a good few days of being so assured in myself that I could do this.

Gemjar - well done on your 2st loss and nothing better than being praised by your nearest and dearest - or anyone for that matter!