Talking to children about CD

dushka

Full Member
Today I had an interesting situation-

I am on step 2 of CD and so when my mother was over today I had some fish and veg. I avoided potatoes and pudding. She does not know I am doing CD yet as I can not cope with the focus on my weight loss and questions about it.

Whilst here my mother asked my super thin 10 year old daughter if she had lost weight and told her she looked great. My daughter is as thin as a pin and she is very sporty. She certainly does not have a weight problem. Over Christmas she has had a tummy bug and has grown so I think she probably does look thinner.

Anyway I sat there annoyed that weight was already being mentioned. It was a constant source of comment as a grew up and I remember being told (looking back when I was normal BMI) that I would be a 'wow' if I lost weight and highlighted my hair. I have been so careful not to do the same with my children.

Now, saying all this they see me battle with my weight, being unhappy with how I look and now doing CD. What effect is this having on them?

After some thought I have concluded that it best to be honest with them- I have explained the diet to them and all the reasons I have for doing it. These include confidence and appearance but also health. At the same time I have tried to instil in them healthy habits with times for eating what the hell you want! They exercise and thoroughly enjoy sport in a way I never have. My family hate sport and so it was never something encouraged. Mine do karate, diving, swimming, gymnastics, football, cricket, netball and love every minute of it.

Family, children, weight and CD- what a combination!
 
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I was also just thinking how my maternal grandmother used to say frequently, 'I'm too old to change' and 'I am not going to change now.' My grandfather, her husband, had the saying in the title, 'You can't teach old dogs new tricks.' I remember thinking, 'Well there is no arguing with that.' What can you say to that, it is pretty final. I have recently noticed my mother saying similar things and I have been left wondering how much sayings like this have contributed to me forming certain constructs and what other unhelpful constructs do I have.

With regard to this one I am determined not to make it true. There is a feeling of resignation and giving up to those sayings. Being alive brings with it an ability to change and move forward. Is life worth living if there is no movement (I would suggest no movement is impossible anyway!)?

When I think about the genes we are born with, there is a sense of predetermination and resignation. In fact genes are just the beginning and genomes change over a lifetime. The mutations can be helpful, harmful or make no difference at all. How they change is a different matter and one we do not really understand fully yet. So, if the fundamentals of what make us can change at any point in our life then surely I can change the fundamentals of my thinking and constructs. The question is how to do this and do we need to know the cause (childhood, trauma, illness, unhelpful cognitions or constructs, etc) to make change. I do not know! What I do know is that you can have all the understanding in the world and still feel paralysed to change, a helping hand with tools to help you change can have a significant impact (eg other people's blogs and the weight watchers programme!).

Change is tough and I do not think there is a smooth journey to anything in life as the world is full of humans! The journey probably comes with ups and downs, forward and backward steps. How much control we have over the events in our lives may vary but one thing I do have some control over is how I react to good and bad times and whether I allow them to stop me changing in the way I want to. Whatever happens I want to be a on a continuous journey of change and development as the one thing I have learnt is the more I learn the more I realise I do not know and the more I am hungry to know more!
 
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