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Thread: Rude weight Loss Joke, this cracked me up (don't read if you're easily offended!)

  1. #1
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    kellymundy's Avatar
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    Diet: Cambridge Diet
    Start Weight: 17st0lb
    Current Weight: 13st12lb
    Goal Weight: 10st0lb
    Goal Date: Whenever!


    Statistics:
    Total Weight Loss: 3st2lb
    Weight to Lose: 3st12lb
    % Lost 18.49%

    Rude weight Loss Joke, this cracked me up (don't read if you're easily offended!)

    An overweight guy was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a "guaranteed" weight loss program. "yeah right", he thinks to himself. "But let's see what they can do."

    He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3-day, 10 lbs. weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike's and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

    Well, without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, "I like the way this company does business."

    For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of "treatment", he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5-day, 20 lbs. weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their "workout" schedule might be like this time.

    As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reebok's and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

    He's out the door like a shot!

    This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days.

    For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds. "I love this company," he thinks to himself, "I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun."

    Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the company's 7-day, 50 pound weight loss program. "Are you sure, sir?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

    "Absolutely," says he, "I love your program. Haven't felt this good in years!"

    The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.

    The sign reads, "If I can catch you, I can have you."




    1st Goal = Get back down to 13st (weight I was before coming off CD)
    2nd Goal = Get into a size 14 comfortably
    3rd Goal = Reach 12st where my CDC sponsers me to be a CDC!!!



  2. #2
    excentric maintainer

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    Diet: CAMBRIDDGE DIET SS
    Height: 5ft9in
    Start Date: 9 oct 2007
    Start Weight: 21st7lb
    Current Weight: 10st8lb
    Goal Weight: 12st0lb
    Goal Date: 10 may 2008


    BMI Information:
    Start BMI: 44.4
    Current BMI: 21.9
    Goal BMI: 24.8


    Statistics:
    Total Weight Loss: 10st13lb
    Weight to Lose: -1st6lb
    % Lost 50.83%
    Heard this before had me in stiches
    and once again sat here wetting me pants brill










    started cd on 0ct 9 2007 reached my target may 10 2008

  3. #3
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    kellymundy's Avatar
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    Diet: Cambridge Diet
    Start Weight: 17st0lb
    Current Weight: 13st12lb
    Goal Weight: 10st0lb
    Goal Date: Whenever!


    Statistics:
    Total Weight Loss: 3st2lb
    Weight to Lose: 3st12lb
    % Lost 18.49%
    Here's another one for you:

    I gave up jogging for my health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.




    1st Goal = Get back down to 13st (weight I was before coming off CD)
    2nd Goal = Get into a size 14 comfortably
    3rd Goal = Reach 12st where my CDC sponsers me to be a CDC!!!



  4. #4
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    Mrs B's Avatar
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    Diet: Hypnotherapy and healthy eating
    Brilliant!
    Sharon

    The whole journey...




    1st Goal - to be under 20 stones



    2nd Goal - lose 20% of original weight
    3rd Goal - BMI under 40

    Hypnotherapy
    Start Date 09/01/12 23st 10lbs
    22/03/12 21st 13lbs

  5. #5
    Really Really likes to post!
    sazzy34's Avatar
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    love it lol



    Sarah x
    55lb lost on cambridge

    joined Rosemary Conley class.
    ( get weighed wearing trainers LOL)

  6. #6
    determined to be thin!
    sassey50kg's Avatar
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    hee hee, you can send him my way!




    Start 1st sept.
    11 stone 3.5 lbs

  7. #7
    want to mini
    julz4gbr's Avatar
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    Diet: lipotrim, cambridge..now atkins, and now exante,now slim and save
    Height: 5ft3in
    Start Date: june 2008
    Start Weight: 15st7lb
    Current Weight: 14st5lb
    Goal Weight: 10st0lb
    Goal Date: when it happens


    BMI Information:
    Start BMI: 38.4
    Current BMI: 35.6
    Goal BMI: 24.8


    Statistics:
    Total Weight Loss: 1st2lb
    Weight to Lose: 4st5lb
    % Lost 7.37%
    Just read it to hubby,needless to say he had heard it before.Still a cracker though.
    Goal 1- reach 15st
    goal 2 -reach 14.7st
    goal 3 -reach 14st
    goal 4 -reach 13.7st










    Code snippet: PseudoHTML, UBBCode™ and BBCode. Used on most forums.













  8. #8
    Resident geek


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    ooh ive heard that before.. its sooooo funny..

    x x

  9. #9
    getting slimmer
    missmf's Avatar
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    Diet: cambridge, sole source. (trying!)
    never heard it,,,,thought it was ace! lol!!!!! x




    start 182lb 13st size 16 cd
    current 148lb size 12
    now a mix of cd, healthy eating, exersise.

    lost inches ish 21


    target weight 126lb 9st size 8/10
    maria xx

  10. #10
    Taz
    Taz is offline
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    professional spaminator

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    Diet: HGB
    Height: 5ft7.3in
    Start Date: 10/04/2013
    Start Weight: 17st12lb
    Current Weight: 17st5lb
    Goal Weight: 10st10lb
    Goal Date: When the time is right


    BMI Information:
    Start BMI: 38.8
    Current BMI: 37.7
    Goal BMI: 23.3


    Statistics:
    Total Weight Loss: 0st7lb
    Weight to Lose: 6st9lb
    % Lost 2.8%
    Heard it before but it always makes me laugh
    Failure doesn't happen until you give up trying!






  11. #11
    Mistress Mush!
    Mushette's Avatar
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    Diet: Cambridge Diet
    Never heard it before! V.funny!

    Start Date: 11/6/08 18.3
    Goal 10.3


    Mini Goal= get to 14.5
    Re-start Date: 24/06/09 16.11




  12. #12
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    loselose's Avatar
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    Goal Weight: 10st4lb
    Goal Date: 10th August


    Statistics:
    Weight to Lose: 4st0lb
    % Lost 0%
    thats great



    lost 6lbs in a month
    start date 05/07/09
    weight 14st 3lbs
    aim 10st
    week 1 ---

    mini goals
    get past day 1
    get past 3days
    get in 13s
    get out of obese bmi
    lose a stone






  13. #13
    Regular Member

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    never heard it before giggling as i type, just emailing it round the family lol

    Diddy x

  14. #14
    Im always here!

    misscheeky's Avatar
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    haha very funny. never heard it before kelly!

  15. #15
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    lol my face hurts with grinning pml




    Start weight 14 stone 2 lbs

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