Rude weight Loss Joke, this cracked me up (don't read if you're easily offended!)
An overweight guy was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a "guaranteed" weight loss program. "yeah right", he thinks to himself. "But let's see what they can do."
He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3-day, 10 lbs. weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike's and a sign hanging around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Well, without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through he kisses the girl one last time and thinks to himself with a nod, "I like the way this company does business."
For the next two days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and, sure enough, he has lost 10 pounds. Deciding that he likes his somewhat more slender physique, not to mention the method of "treatment", he calls the company back and subscribes to their 5-day, 20 lbs. weight loss program. He thinks that losing 20 pounds in only 5 days seems like a lot, but he is intrigued by what their "workout" schedule might be like this time.
As expected, the next day there comes a knock at his door. When he answers it there stands a 22 year old knockout dressed in nothing but a pair of Reebok's and a sign hanging around her neck. She is simply stunning, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
He's out the door like a shot!
This gal is in excellent shape and it takes a while to catch her. But when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. She is wonderful, the best he has ever had. He is really looking forward to the next four days.
For the next four days, the same girl shows up and the same thing happens each time, much to his delight. On the sixth day, he weighs himself and, unbelievably, he has lost another 20 pounds. "I love this company," he thinks to himself, "I never knew losing weight could be so easy and so much fun."
Feeling much better about himself, he decides to go for broke and subscribe to the company's 7-day, 50 pound weight loss program. "Are you sure, sir?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," says he, "I love your program. Haven't felt this good in years!"
The next day there comes a knock at his door and he enthusiastically answers it. There stands before him a 200 pound perfect specimen of a man dressed in nothing but racing spikes and a sign around his neck. He introduces himself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If I can catch you, I can have you."
1st Goal = Get back down to 13st (weight I was before coming off CD)
2nd Goal = Get into a size 14 comfortably
3rd Goal = Reach 12st where my CDC sponsers me to be a CDC!!!
Heard this before had me in stiches
and once again sat here wetting me pants brill
The whole journey...
1st Goal - to be under 20 stones
2nd Goal - lose 20% of original weight
3rd Goal - BMI under 40 Hypnotherapy Start Date
09/01/12 23st 10lbs
22/03/12 21st 13lbs
55lb lost on cambridge
joined Rosemary Conley class.
( get weighed wearing trainers LOL)
hee hee, you can send him my way!
Start 1st sept.
11 stone 3.5 lbs
Just read it to hubby,needless to say he had heard it before.Still a cracker though.
Goal 1- reach 15st
goal 2 -reach 14.7st
goal 3 -reach 14st
goal 4 -reach 13.7st
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ooh ive heard that before.. its sooooo funny..
Heard it before but it always makes me laugh
Failure doesn't happen until you give up trying!
- Rep Power
Diet: Cambridge Diet
- Rep Power
never heard it before giggling as i type, just emailing it round the family lol
haha very funny. never heard it before kelly!
- Rep Power
lol my face hurts with grinning pml
Start weight 14 stone 2 lbs
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