Need Diet jokes, pictures, saying's, funny stories.

[Nick]

Hi Everyone,

This is a strange thing to ask from you all. I am in charge at work to write the staff monthly newsletter. Which i enjoy but find it difficult to think of things to put into it as i don't alway's get much feed back from my work colleges regarding it.
The staff really enjoy the newsletter and would miss it if i stopped it. I wanted to do a section about dieting and maybe feature some jokes, pictures, sayings, funny stories etc relating to this( not one's to affend). I would like to put it in the January issue as i think the topic would fit in with that time of year.
The staff all know that i have been on the Cambridge diet and successfully lost weight so having a topic like diet wouldn't be a surprise to them.
Any idea's guy's as i want to convert everyone to use this diet and see dieting as fun not a chore.

Thanks everyone

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Not sure if it's any help, but I don't know of any jokes or sayings per se... but if you can use anything at all from my diary you are very welcome.. change names to protect the innocent and all that.. lol

[Lola]

Couple of pics here, or how about some funny diet sayings

fridge pickers wear big knickers that kind of thing?

[KD]

[Nick]

Thankyou they are really good so far. Made me laugh

[Nick]

It's good to have a sense of humour dont you think?

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

good? it's flippin' critical! lol

[KD]

Sense of humour? What's that then. Reckon I lost mine with my pounds

Okay, perhaps I just need to retrain again

The art of weighing

1. Weigh yourself fully clothed after dinner and again the next morning without clothes and before breakfast, because it's nice to see how much weight you've lost overnight!

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including eyeglasses. In this case, blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget to remove jewelry as it could weigh as much as a pound!

4. Buy only cheap scales, never the medical kind. Accuracy is the enemy and high quality scales are very accurate.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for up to half a pound of hair (hopefully).

7. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale. (Air has weight, right?)

8. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto a towel rod slowly edge your other foot onto the scale while slowly releasing the towel rod. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd stepped onto the scale normally.

[KD]

Okay...another

Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes.
-- Author unknown

The older you get the harder it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have become good friends.
-- Author unknown

I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
-- Author unknown

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck and jumping to conclusions.
-- Author unknown

I am in shape. Round's a shape.
-- Author unknown

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty snack group, the caffeine group, and the whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is group.
-- Author unknown

I'm on a 30-day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.
-- Author unknown

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells are forever.
-- Author unknown

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
-- Author unknown

Diet is 'Die' with a 't'.
-- Author unknown

I'm not fat, I'm just short for my weight.
-- Author unknown

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
-- Author Unknown

[MadamDotty]

I like those Karion

[Nick]

I am not going to be writing a newsletter at this rate i will be writing a newspaper.

Didn't think i would get get any feed back like this. "Wonna job"

Nick

[Mini]

Q: Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?

A: The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon and made his breakaway in a taxi!

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

groan.... lol

[Nick]

I love it

Thankyou

[mrs tweedy]

Nothing to do with dieting but I just love this little pic: I think it's the shifty eyes on the mugs, it cracks me up every time lol