had a strange one today - advice appreciated!

[Jessica Rabbit72]

Hey people have had a bit of a strange one today – not quite sure how to describe it really so will try my best without waffling.

I am normally a very happy outgoing person who is friendly with everyone and generally not a shy retiring wallflower. I have been yo-yo dieting for years never getting to goal but the most dramatic weight loss was 3 yrs ago doing LL/CD losing 4st 4 in 16 weeks.

Now when I did it that time I wanted to tell everyone about it and every time anyone asked about the diet I would happily chirp on about it to anyone who asked and how much I had lost etc and was really really proud.

I obviously have regained the weight over the last 3 years and by Xmas decided enough was enough and restarted CD in Feb. I told people about it and it wasn’t a problem.

I started working somewhere new in September so they have only known me as a ‘big’ girl – 5’3” and 15st 7 – (not exactly petite!)

At work we have a communal staff room and when staff from a different dept saw me making shakes they started a conversation about LL CD and LT and celebrity slim as the chemist next door has started to sell it and it was a thoroughly positive conversation. Some had done it some not.

As the weeks have gone on I have only seen the staff from the other departments once or a few times a week depending on dinner times etc and whenever they have seen me they have given me positive feedback asking how much I have lost etc and how well I look and how my face has changed so much etc.

Mums at school are also commenting when I pick the kids up how different and great I look which is lovely too and making the diet worthwhile.

Im also now starting to wear clothes that fit and being an apple shape my legs are going back to being skinny again so I think I look like I have lost more than I have.

(Dont worry there is a point to this story)

All was fine up till today. I went in the staff room and a woman I haven’t seen for ages said hey look at you don’t you look great you have done so well how much have you lost now ? I said 3stone (well 3 ½ if you count the ww weight loss before CD)

and I just wanted to be sick. My stomach is turning now thinking about the story as Im writing it. I could feel myself getting really embarrassed and I just had to get out of there.

She said oh you must be nearly at goal now (my first immediate thought in my head was – actually I’ve got another 2st till I get to healthy weight range and another 1/2st after that for goal) so I said oh no a bit to go yet

and she said are you eating yet so I said no but I will be before I go on holiday as I was leaving the room as I couldn’t get out of there quick enough, my stomach was turning and I thought I was going to be sick.

I have absolutely no idea why I had such a horrible reaction to her paying me a compliment and showing interest. Ive never normally been like that and why it then and now is turning my stomach thinking about it.

I think Im also worried that when I lose another stone people are going to start saying – oh you have lost enough now and you need to start eating etc and I am just going to have to lie to them and say Im eating a meal at home as I will have another 21lbs to go to get to goal and I don’t want the hassle explaining why Im not eating etc.

Then I start to worry about am I setting my goal too low and because everyone says I look fine now cos Im nearly in a size 14 trousers.

Any thoughts would be gladly welcomed!
xxx

[caroline g]

You just need to think about where you are and whether it is enough. Sometimes these things can be addictive and become a bad thing I think. But you just have to trust those around you, just the ones you're closest to, that they'll tell you once you're there if you don't see it yourself

[Wabbitt]

Ok, first of all you are doing this for you and you alone. It's your own personal journey. It's great that people comment and notice on how great you look, we all like to hear that, it's a confidence booster and an ego booster too, but................this is your business and yours alone and where you want to be and how you go about getting there is purely your own decision as an adult. So, they are intitled to their opinions but I find opinions are like bum holes, everyone has one but you don't necessarily want to hear from them all!!!! Be proud of what you've achieved hon never hide your light under that proverbial bushell. Keep up the good work hon, your'e doing great xxx

[flowey]

I think you should just sit ther and grin. You have sooo well, and yes you must look fantastic. Ihad a friend who also lost many stone, when I questioned her on how to set my goal weight, she said, set in stages, you know when you get close what the magic number is. If people ask what your goal is and think you should stop, just say I'm getting to my healthy BMI and then stopping. They can't argue with that. And do what only you know is best. Well done you, hope I get to report the same losses in a few months.

[flowey]

Sorry typing terrible!

[EllieMellie]

Your goal is your goal - it's about what YOU want Jessica, no one else. Ask yourself honestly, what was it about today that made you feel uncomfortable? xx

[EllieMellie]

Wabbit, LOVE that saying!! Ha ha! x

[Jessica Rabbit72]

thanks so much for the replies girls I do apprciate it and I think like you say I will know when i have had enough and finish - I just cant get my head around how I reacted to her and the feeling sick and embarrased adn just wanted to scream dont ask me dont draw attention to me leave me alone - when she was only being genuinely nice and interested and full of praise x

[Jessica Rabbit72]

Your goal is your goal - it's about what YOU want Jessica, no one else. Ask yourself honestly, what was it about today that made you feel uncomfortable? xx

Do you kno what Mellie - I really dont know I wish i did I suppose thats why I posted the long ramble to see if I could get answers to it.

Part of me may think it may be that Im so embarrased that i had put so much weight on after losing it last time - but the people who were asking today dont know Ive put weight on as they never saw me slim adn one of them asked me on Friday how I was doign and I happily chirped away all about it like the first time I ever did it.

I tell you the mind is a stupid thing sometimes - I SERIOUSLY need CBT as the stupid LL woman didnt do it when i did LL with her and I dont think I would be in this position now if I had had it.

Im seriously considering having it when I get to goal to keep the weight off as I have been a serial yo yo dieter for the last 20-25 years!
xxx

[Katycakes]

Hugs Jessica. Sometimes we just feel emotional and don't quite know why... and I think CD can contribute to that. If you think of how our totm gets messed around... they say it's hormones being released as we burn the fat cells... so those hormones must have other effects too.

Also, it IS an emotional journey... and it's a quick one, and sometimes we take a while to catch up with the changes our bodies are making. Accepting compliments is not always easy, and may not be something we are used to... I am RUBBISH at being gracious about compliments... always end up feeling embarrassed & probably making the comp-giver wish he/she had never bothered. It's a learning curve.

As for setting a goal, that is personal and you don't have to make a final decision just yet. My aim was to get to a healthy BMI and the top end of a healthy weight for my height. I have the healthy BMI now but am not quite at goal weight... I am in a comfortable zone now, but still want to get there. I have had people (one person particularly) telling me I need to eat, will make myself ill, am getting too thin, etc, etc, for the last three months, and I have found this upsetting. This particular 'friend' has now dropped me completely, hurtful but maybe she has done me a favour in the end. We have to do what feels right for ourselves... we can adjust target weights, upwards or downwards... decide what plan is right for us... and the speed we wish to get to goal at. We call the shots.

But it is such a personal journey, and sometimes comments can cut through to the doubts inside and throw us completely. Don't panic Jessica, you're not alone in having this kind of reaction. Don't be too hard on yourself... you're getting there, doing great, and inspiring others. Big hugs.

xxx

[EllieMellie]

I think you just answered your own question, Jessica. All the insecurities that consciously or unconsciously you have are there screaming in your head - 'that woman is looking at me and when she asks how much more I want to lose she is doing a calculation to work out how much I had to lose in the first place (that's my demon voice!)'
CBT is probably a good idea - give yourself the time an space to relearn some thought patterns.
You are incredibly supportive and positive to the rest of us. Give yourself some of that support. xxx

[*Mojo-jojo*]

i just want to echo what was said its your goal and no one elses!! chin up ur doing fabbytastic !! xx

[Jessica Rabbit72]

I think you just answered your own question, Jessica. All the insecurities that consciously or unconsciously you have are there screaming in your head - 'that woman is looking at me and when she asks how much more I want to lose she is doing a calculation to work out how much I had to lose in the first place (that's my demon voice!)'
CBT is probably a good idea - give yourself the time an space to relearn some thought patterns.
You are incredibly supportive and positive to the rest of us. Give yourself some of that support. xxx

do you know what you have just made me fill up!!!!!!!!!!

I have always had that problem - I always put everybody else first and Im WAY down the list - always been a pleaser which doesnt help and always feel selfish if I want something just for me - just in my personality I think!

I really need some mind work doing I did go for hypnotherapy before I did LL and he couldnt find any reason for why I was over eating but I KNOW I need to change my coping stratgies and behaviours its just HOW to do it.

Whenever anyone asks me why I do something (food related) its because I want it now and Im a person who thrives on instant gratification (hence the reason I love CD) and dont think about the long term consequences generally.

I can always justify eating aswell in that I do it to celebrate commiserate, reward anything really and I have always said I would find it alot easier if I was addicted to alcohol or drugs as you dont need them to survive and if only we could take a pill every morning and that would give us all the nutrition we need and take food out of the equation.

As you can tell i have a HORRENDOUS relationship with food that needs sorting out! I think I need to go and live with KD for a bit she could help sort my head out!
xxx

[tillyfloss]

yeah you are doing fantastic...
I too have been quite hormonal and admit i never thought about the oestrogens and the fat cells, but that makes sense.
I too find it difficult to take compliments expecially as I am still near the beginning of my journey.
I am going to use the healthy BMI answer! Thats a good one..

Jess well done once again!!

[Jessica Rabbit72]

Hugs Jessica. Sometimes we just feel emotional and don't quite know why... and I think CD can contribute to that. If you think of how our totm gets messed around... they say it's hormones being released as we burn the fat cells... so those hormones must have other effects too.

Also, it IS an emotional journey... and it's a quick one, and sometimes we take a while to catch up with the changes our bodies are making. Accepting compliments is not always easy, and may not be something we are used to... I am RUBBISH at being gracious about compliments... always end up feeling embarrassed & probably making the comp-giver wish he/she had never bothered. It's a learning curve.

As for setting a goal, that is personal and you don't have to make a final decision just yet. My aim was to get to a healthy BMI and the top end of a healthy weight for my height. I have the healthy BMI now but am not quite at goal weight... I am in a comfortable zone now, but still want to get there. I have had people (one person particularly) telling me I need to eat, will make myself ill, am getting too thin, etc, etc, for the last three months, and I have found this upsetting. This particular 'friend' has now dropped me completely, hurtful but maybe she has done me a favour in the end. We have to do what feels right for ourselves... we can adjust target weights, upwards or downwards... decide what plan is right for us... and the speed we wish to get to goal at. We call the shots.

But it is such a personal journey, and sometimes comments can cut through to the doubts inside and throw us completely. Don't panic Jessica, you're not alone in having this kind of reaction. Don't be too hard on yourself... you're getting there, doing great, and inspiring others. Big hugs.

xxx

Thanks Katy you are right the diet does make us so emotional one of the only DOWN sides to it but it is a big one! x