From goal weight to new goals - Liberation from binge eating!

**Lara1986** · 9th February, 2012

Breakfast - porridge and yoghurt
Snacks - teas with soya milk, carrots, 1 apple
Dinner - few dips of pitta with hummus, nandos chicken breast pitta with side salad

I had a normal day!!

And I confessed to bf. I wasn't planning to. I just suddenly told him that I'd walked from Peckham to Kingston twice recently and he didn't believe me, and I ended up telling him what's been going on. I think he was surprised but also thought things made sense now. Kira planted that seed in me to do it and I didn't even think I would, I guess a big part of me wanted to. Was relieving to get it out actually.

Here's to more normal days!

**Krissykat** · 10th February, 2012

Well done Lara, big improvement. Heres to another normal day

**Sapphireblue** · 10th February, 2012

That is so fab that you told him!

Hopefully now you can have some real life support as well as people on here. I know he won't understand as well as some of us but at least it should help him understand you a bit more.xx

**Lara1986** · 10th February, 2012

Thank you you're right :-)

Hmmm so I just checked online using this site: http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm

And my calorie needs to maintain a weight of 9stone (which I'm probably more than now!) at 5ft2 is 1525 a day.. So I guess I should have that as a maximum. And more for days I walk or exercise. I think exercise is something I should get back into. Maybe running when it's warmer. I used to do a lot but purely for weight loss. I Wanna do it for my health and to have more muscle - I'm sure I lost a lot from dieting these last 8 years!

**spangles** · 10th February, 2012

ahh - that's not as many cals as i thought - guess those 'average woman' figures are working on the principle of someone taller / bigger than you.

so tell me - why no lunch yesterday?

**Lara1986** · 10th February, 2012

Yes i was hoping for more lol!! But that was me inputting sedentary office work which is what I do! But I do usually walk to and from work (when it's not this cold!) so that would bump it up to about 1750 on those days. Using myfitnesspal too to keep track but trying not to be too obsessive as this is my new life now not a restriction!

Felt very full which is why just had an apple for lunch. Think it's still the excesses of the binges working through but feel better today and lots of water definitely helps and I'm still drinking around 3 litres a day post CD (including my decaf teas and sometimes Ribena really light!). I do find lunch tough. I don't like eating at work and I never have done it regularly. I kind of dont know what to eat! Although today I've had got a wrap from boots to have! Xx

**spangles** · 10th February, 2012

sounds great! and how is the modafinil working out?

**Lara1986** · 10th February, 2012

Yes it's kicking in now!! Used to fall asleep at my desk several days a week! Only done that once since starting this so seems to do the trick and the initial side effects have gone now touch wood! Going to see if drinking with it works out ok as there seem to be varied effects - may try a few sips nx week!

**bluegirl** · 10th February, 2012

Did you manage breakfast and a wrap today beautiful? Im so proud of how far you have come in such a short time x

**Lara1986** · 10th February, 2012

Thank u!

Breakfast: melon and mango pot from boots (too rushed to eat breakfast so grabbed a meal deal from boots and had this part in morning!)
Lunch: delicious Thai style vegetable wrap from boots shapers (lovely!) and a Ribena light.

Not sure what I'll have for dinner yet but am going to have a few ryvitas now as a snack and see what i fancy later.

I'll confess I went to sainsburys just now - refilling house as parents been away and back tomorrow - and I checked calories between products that were for me constantly. I didn't but the porridge as its about 15 cals more than another brand I wanted elsewhere! I must remember this is not restricting. But it's ok to make most out of calorie allowances right?

**spangles** · 10th February, 2012

yes - but 15 cals is tiny. you could leave that much on the inside of the bowl!

**bettiesrevenge** · 10th February, 2012

Hello Lara!

Just checking in.

I want to say good for you! You shared with your bf! Victory!

However..... I know this is going to sound harsh, so I'm going to give you a virtual kiss on the forehead before I say it.....

Ready?

Honey bee, eating an apple for lunch is not on! You know that apple is no more than 20 cals right? In fact I suspect you are trying to restrict your calories still, coupled with the fact that you are shaving off the smallest numbers of calories here and there.

Sweetness. Your BMR ( the amount of calories you need just to function and feel well) will be about 1500. So that's what you need to eat/consume.

Please don't give into fear! That's what is driving it. Relax and try and find your centre.

Will post more tomorrow x

**Lara1986** · 11th February, 2012

Hey hun nice to hear from you :-) how have you been? I will catch up on your diary In a sec and probably find the answer to that!

With the calories - counting calories was always a restricting behaviour of mine so I'm trying not to overly focus on them but I am aiming for 1525 calories a day (enough to maintain) and using my fitness pal to keep track. Yesterday I had about 1500. Day before was about 1000 - reason for just an apple is I felt so full and I have never eaten lunch since about age 15 so it's a hard to add it now it does often feel like my body doesn't want lunch! I'll have to think of more ideas of what to bring, really don't like eating at work its a dirty dusty office and I guess I got in habits of eating alone. Anyway yes so I'm trying to be free in my choices, and only eat when its appropriate, not only look at calories. With the apple myfitnesspal tells me 70 calories?! N yea that day I felt so bloated I was trying to listen to my body and thought I was as i felt far too full for food. I genuinely don't know what to do for lunches though, I guess bringing sandwiches in with me is the way to go...

Xx

**bluegirl** · 11th February, 2012

Blimey Lara lovely you're up early! Does that mean you have a lovely weekend planned, or like me have you been disturbed from you lie in? xx

**Lara1986** · 11th February, 2012

Hehe no I slept pretty early so just woke up early!

How are you today? X

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