i'm starting yet another new diary. i'v been struggling with getting my head round things since the death my mum, 2 months ago. i've decided i need a new diary and a new start.
i'm a horrific 14st and i need to get back to 11st 7lbs, minimum. i need to loose a much as possible in 5 weeks as i'm getting my eyes lasered on the 19th july!
today i've started with a pint of water and a black coffee. i love my milk and it's been holding me back as i've been drinking too much of it. i tried a black coffee yesterday and it was nice. no milk, no sweetner just coffee and water. also i'm having an outright ban on cheese, nuts and wine. the wine is being used as a way of just knocking myself out of a night when i feel very low about things. it's also one of the biggest contributory factors to me NOT loosing anything at all. if i don't act now i wil just get fatter.
i hav the race for life in 2 weeks time and for once in my life i am totally not ready! i can run the 3 miles but i will not beat my personal best of 29 mins. it looks like it will be more 33 mins. i also have the great north run, a half marathon in september and if i don't get my lazy butt moving then that will be a flop too! my problem with running right now is two fold. 1) i'm tired all the time, i can't seem to get enough sleep and 2) i can't run as i want to as i feel so heavy, it's such a massive effort, where before it wasn't such an effort and was quite enjoyable.
i had pains in my chest yesterday, not heart but like i'd pulled something. it got my thinking that i would have a heart attack at any moment in time. i'm 38!
my dad's 73 and doing ok with the death of my mum but yesterday he got his results from his stool test back and he need to see someone about it. he had a camera up in november so i'm thinking that it's not going to be too bad and is probably his tablets.
the worry is that there's so much illness in our family. cancer being one, diabetes being another and heart problems, blood pressure problems to name a few. i need to get my weight off to feel better and to be able to battle against some of the more preventable illnesses!
it's got to be done and no other diet can work the same.
i think the nightmare point is that i've had to buy some new clothes in bigger sizes. i have a wardrobe of beautiful clothes that i can't wear as they're too small. i'm cross with myself. i just need to do it! go for it! suffer the pain of not having what i want, cause what i want is killing me at the end of the day, not now, it won't show now, but i don't want to end up like my mum and hav her problems. i don't want to inflict this on my kids. my biggest threat to my health right now is diabetes. this is the one i must not get!