LeaE JellyWobble2
- Thread starter LeaE
- Start date
LeaE
Gold Member
My chest rises as I begin this new thread and Theres so much to worry about im not even sure i know where to start
As the quote goes lets start at the very begining a very good place to start !! but so scary too
Hey Im leanne im 29 and a mummy of 2 im single and i work part time. My two daughters are 6 and 9 and all i have in my life. Im studying part time hairdressing well i say that but i have just passed my 1st year and im heading into my second and i love to keep uber busy ! the reason for that will probably become apparent as the storey unfolds
I started CD last april and lost weight sucessfully and i felt great until i got gallstones which forced me to stop while they operated and i recovered and to be frank my life has been miserable since then that was september last year and all the weight i lost i have put back on mmmmmm great i so said i wouldnt
My emotional state is rock bottom and from someones whos pretty stong thats a pretty hard thing to admit
well over the last 6 months i have watched my grandad slowly die ! I must admit its killed me ! my moods been low i have been awful i dont want to socialise and i didnt want to talk about it He died on the 24th April and i still feel like my chest has been trampled every time i think of it
my grandad was amazing and i miss him every second of every day .... so u get the picture
On tuesday my boyfriend of 2 and a half years left he walked out the door and is never going to look back
I hate admitting it but its prob my fault i didnt feel loved he put in no effort to take me out and i knew he was losing love for me. alot of other issues surround that but its left me feeling vile and not good enough hes emailed me a couple of times comfirming basically that hes done with me because he cant make me happy but quite frankly we all know its because he fell out of love with me and gave up trying.
For me and again i would not ever say this to a sole but he was my one! I loved him so much and i think i fought so hard to make him love me the same that i pushed him further and further away! I now sit here with total regret and self loathing that i cant even bare to think about it too much because i just threw away the best thing that ever happened to me however i am aware that for him the feelings werent the same so its best to let it go and let him find his one !
My heart aches my emotions are shot and i cant even figure out whats what anymore im low and lonely and cannot tell if my upset is my ex or my grandad or everything lifes pretty dam tough
well I am exactly now the same weight i was when i started this this time last year im dead on 20stone
yes thats right i have eaten my way through pain and loss and has it made things better well in actual fact yeah at the time it did my grandad needed me and i needed to be there for him i looked after him i cared i loved and right at that time i needed to be there for him so i came 2nd to everything else and i do not regret 1 bit of that !
however with college over for the summer being single with 2 kids i now have the time to be selfish once more and do something that makes me happy yes me because my ex didnt seem to give a shhhhhhh so after worrying about that for so long its my time
my time has come once more to do this diet
i have friends over tomoz so last meal and last drink and yes i defo need a girls night to try and pull myself back to being me maybe then my posts will divulge into how i feel about the series of events thats got me here
me
I stand in the mirror and i feel sick im fat and i hate it i have refused to buy fatter clothes so i have nothing nice to wear and i have stopped making any form of effort with myself i hate how i look and i have no inspiration to make it better! we went to the fair last week and i darent attempt to get on a ride as i wouldnt fit i cant go swimming just everything has crashed down my new found slimmer confidence where i felt i was begining to become happier has been swallowed up by fat
i feel awful and its time for change not for anyone else just me
so sunday is the day with no one else around to distract me because lonely nights are ahead it should be fine and while im working and at college im busy and when im busy i dont have to eat nor think about how shhhhh my life is right now and how i could have had it all and how i let it all slip away
so heres to day one on sunday
and heres to putting my all into this as i have nothing else
As the quote goes lets start at the very begining a very good place to start !! but so scary too
Hey Im leanne im 29 and a mummy of 2 im single and i work part time. My two daughters are 6 and 9 and all i have in my life. Im studying part time hairdressing well i say that but i have just passed my 1st year and im heading into my second and i love to keep uber busy ! the reason for that will probably become apparent as the storey unfolds
I started CD last april and lost weight sucessfully and i felt great until i got gallstones which forced me to stop while they operated and i recovered and to be frank my life has been miserable since then that was september last year and all the weight i lost i have put back on mmmmmm great i so said i wouldnt
My emotional state is rock bottom and from someones whos pretty stong thats a pretty hard thing to admit
well over the last 6 months i have watched my grandad slowly die ! I must admit its killed me ! my moods been low i have been awful i dont want to socialise and i didnt want to talk about it He died on the 24th April and i still feel like my chest has been trampled every time i think of it
my grandad was amazing and i miss him every second of every day .... so u get the picture
On tuesday my boyfriend of 2 and a half years left he walked out the door and is never going to look back
I hate admitting it but its prob my fault i didnt feel loved he put in no effort to take me out and i knew he was losing love for me. alot of other issues surround that but its left me feeling vile and not good enough hes emailed me a couple of times comfirming basically that hes done with me because he cant make me happy but quite frankly we all know its because he fell out of love with me and gave up trying.
For me and again i would not ever say this to a sole but he was my one! I loved him so much and i think i fought so hard to make him love me the same that i pushed him further and further away! I now sit here with total regret and self loathing that i cant even bare to think about it too much because i just threw away the best thing that ever happened to me however i am aware that for him the feelings werent the same so its best to let it go and let him find his one !
My heart aches my emotions are shot and i cant even figure out whats what anymore im low and lonely and cannot tell if my upset is my ex or my grandad or everything lifes pretty dam tough
well I am exactly now the same weight i was when i started this this time last year im dead on 20stone
yes thats right i have eaten my way through pain and loss and has it made things better well in actual fact yeah at the time it did my grandad needed me and i needed to be there for him i looked after him i cared i loved and right at that time i needed to be there for him so i came 2nd to everything else and i do not regret 1 bit of that !
however with college over for the summer being single with 2 kids i now have the time to be selfish once more and do something that makes me happy yes me because my ex didnt seem to give a shhhhhhh so after worrying about that for so long its my time
my time has come once more to do this diet
i have friends over tomoz so last meal and last drink and yes i defo need a girls night to try and pull myself back to being me maybe then my posts will divulge into how i feel about the series of events thats got me here
me
I stand in the mirror and i feel sick im fat and i hate it i have refused to buy fatter clothes so i have nothing nice to wear and i have stopped making any form of effort with myself i hate how i look and i have no inspiration to make it better! we went to the fair last week and i darent attempt to get on a ride as i wouldnt fit i cant go swimming just everything has crashed down my new found slimmer confidence where i felt i was begining to become happier has been swallowed up by fat
i feel awful and its time for change not for anyone else just me
so sunday is the day with no one else around to distract me because lonely nights are ahead it should be fine and while im working and at college im busy and when im busy i dont have to eat nor think about how shhhhh my life is right now and how i could have had it all and how i let it all slip away
so heres to day one on sunday
and heres to putting my all into this as i have nothing else
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
LeaE!!!!!! Lovely wonderful gorgeous inspirational amazing leaE!!!! I am Soooooo glad you are back! I have really missed you! Do you remember me?
I turned 30 in march and have been back on Camebridge for 5 weeks after putting most of the weight I lost back on during a baaaad break up last summer resulting in me buying my own place! (I now live alone) I have a diary in members section '19st2 to 15st bridesmaids dress slim down' please come say hi!
I'm so sorry for what you have been through leaE it sounds like you have had a terrible time of it and you have been so strong!!!
I am here for you all the way (I have a fair amount to loose so will certainly be around for a while!) you can do this! You were so adored and were such an inspiration to so many last year and soon as word gets out that you r Back I just know everyone will be so happy to be by your side and support you through this!!!
Welcome Back lovely leaE!!!!
xxxxxxxxx
I turned 30 in march and have been back on Camebridge for 5 weeks after putting most of the weight I lost back on during a baaaad break up last summer resulting in me buying my own place! (I now live alone) I have a diary in members section '19st2 to 15st bridesmaids dress slim down' please come say hi!
I'm so sorry for what you have been through leaE it sounds like you have had a terrible time of it and you have been so strong!!!
I am here for you all the way (I have a fair amount to loose so will certainly be around for a while!) you can do this! You were so adored and were such an inspiration to so many last year and soon as word gets out that you r Back I just know everyone will be so happy to be by your side and support you through this!!!
Welcome Back lovely leaE!!!!
xxxxxxxxx
LeaE
Gold Member
Course I do u nutter x part of the reason I came back on here is because I need u guys back to pick me up and shove me back into me x god missy you wouldn't believe how hard this has all been this year but with new beginnings I'm looking to just wipe the slate clean and be me again ! I half feel like the sad depressed unloved person I described in my post but half of the real me is screaming get a grip if he couldn't love u enough to fight and help u at yr worst he wasn't worth shhhhhh give me a couple of days back on cd and I'm sure the more focused true me will come flying out !
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
Definitely you rock this diet!
It sounds like you have really been through it and I am sure (as you say) once you get back into the swing of the diet again you will feel 100% you again.
I personally can't wait to start feeling my self esteem Increase as i lose weight and maybe eventually find the confidence to try a date maybe! Eek! Not yet tho, NOT ready! Gotta work on me first, and fitting into this bridesmaids dress (see diary for details I won't clog up your diary with it!)
Why don't you post on your old thread let everyone know your back?!!
xxx
LeaE
Gold Member
Definitely you rock this diet!
It sounds like you have really been through it and I am sure (as you say) once you get back into the swing of the diet again you will feel 100% you again.
I personally can't wait to start feeling my self esteem Increase as i lose weight and maybe eventually find the confidence to try a date maybe! Eek! Not yet tho, NOT ready! Gotta work on me first, and fitting into this bridesmaids dress (see diary for details I won't clog up your diary with it!)
Why don't you post on your old thread let everyone know your back?!!
Ah I will defo catch up with your journey most defo x x so glad to see a familiar face x I didn't post on my old thread because its all a new start and I wasn't sure ppl cared tbh x thank u for saying hi it cheered me up a wee bit
And dating check u out yr so brave ! Single life for me till the kids are 18 at least as I couldn't put them through it again x
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
Peeps def care leaE xx you r a very popular lady
I understand about the fresh start thread tho that's what I have done as well. Eek no not ready for dates just yet (been single since end of summer last year) I want to loose a bit more weight first! Xx
LeaE
Gold Member
Peeps def care leaE xx you r a very popular lady
Eek no not ready for dates just yet (been single since end of summer last year) I want to loose a bit more weight first! Xx
This may sound the most stupid question but did u really love yr ex ? How long did it take for that to go away ? I have never ever been in love like that before and I just want this feeling of rejection loss and love that's not returned gone
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
Hey leaE not a stupid question at all! Yes I did love him very much but we were at the stage where I wanted some progression either buying a house together, starting a family, getting married etc and he didn't want anything to change. (bit more complicated than that but that's the summery) I think I mourned r relationship in the final 1-2yrs of us being together really as we obv wanted diff things and were no longer making each other happy. So when we FINALY called it a day last year I was obv initially v down / upset for a month or so but it was a relief more than anything that we were no longer in turmoil as a couple. Xx
Time is a great healer (cliché but true) x
LeaE
Gold Member
Yeah yr right x Steven wasn't really mature enough x we were defo in different stages x sorry to ask but I'm glad yr all ok now x
LeaE
Gold Member
Saturday !
Reading back and acknowledging how hurt I am I am now beginning to feel really angry for the way me and my kids have been treated x so gives me reason to be determined and fight back by pulling my life back together ! I really want to start this diet today for today to be the first day of the rest of my life !
Reading back and acknowledging how hurt I am I am now beginning to feel really angry for the way me and my kids have been treated x so gives me reason to be determined and fight back by pulling my life back together ! I really want to start this diet today for today to be the first day of the rest of my life !
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
You'll always have your moments of. 'oh crap' about it all but it really does get easier with time. Onwards and downwards Hun x
Katierose
Gold Member
Hi sweetheart x my god you have been through the mill but I can hear the determination and you will be ok and as willpower woman ( sorry dont know ur name but u seem lovely too ) says time is a great healer . . He didnt deserve you !
I have to get my act back in gear too have struggled been v poorly ! Messed around and I know the vlcd diets work so I'm here too ladies x x
I have to get my act back in gear too have struggled been v poorly ! Messed around and I know the vlcd diets work so I'm here too ladies x x
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
LeaE
Gold Member
I'm a bit tipsy right now but yeah he didn't !!!!!!!! How are u my darling so nice to see u x
LeaE
Gold Member
Sunday !!!!! Day 1
Well today's the detox day x I was drunk last night on a most brilliant girly night in with 2 good friends and although it was lovely I still feel sad this morning as I wake up and remember life's woes however on a positive note this feeling in the pit of my stomach means I have no appetite so silver linings and all that!
I'm on nights tonight and tomorrow so this starvation should be pretty easy as its sleep and work !
Day 1 seems so scary though but also so brilliant
Anyway lets see how it goes hey x
Well today's the detox day x I was drunk last night on a most brilliant girly night in with 2 good friends and although it was lovely I still feel sad this morning as I wake up and remember life's woes however on a positive note this feeling in the pit of my stomach means I have no appetite so silver linings and all that!
I'm on nights tonight and tomorrow so this starvation should be pretty easy as its sleep and work !
Day 1 seems so scary though but also so brilliant
Anyway lets see how it goes hey x
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
WillpowerWoman
Gold Member
May be a bit of wine blues too hun I get that! xx
