134kkg. The countdown begins!!!

[Xtracute1]

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I want to rant. I want to let it all out. The weight must shift, it has no choice. No more embarrassments, no more invitation turn downs, no more weight related depression. Its time to take my weight in my own hands. Not just by slapping my gut when I look into the mirror with longing, but by actually doing something about it.

So I have my 2 week supply of products, and I'm thinking of pacing them to two shakes earlier in the day; a soup for lunch with porridge for dinner. A least, until I reach the "haloed Ketotic state" I've heard so much about. Then I will re-cap and see if I need to shift things a little. 4 satchets and 4 litres of water a day. Wow. sounds a bit daunting.

Let's see how many days it will take me to get to ketosis.

Now, let's talk about the hunger pangs, real and imagined; every dieter's cross to bear. I know my current euphoric state where I feel no hunger, only happiness at starting CWP will probably last till tomorrow. Then I will officially have to admit to hunger, because I will definitely be hungry. I'm a natural carb-queen, so I know I will. Its time to be mentally prepared. It feels like "labour induction", the type where they pass oxytocin/pitocin drip through your veins, or where they insert some funky tablet at the mouth of the cervix to speed up dilation. Yes, you know you'll be induced, you know it may not last that long, you know it will hurt real bad, but no matter how much you mentally steel yourself, you just can't help wishing it was all over and crying your eyes out with the inevitable pain once the contractions keep coming. The difference is, unlike labour that you can't stop once its started even if you try, there is a possibility of derailing on any diet, even CWP so a lot of strong will is required here.

I need to be strong!!! I can do this!!!

I chose CWP because at various times during my quest for slimness, I've found myself longing for meal replacements so that I'm sure I'm low-carbing, but its been very hard finding anything that can effectively replace meals; this is particularly the case when you lead a hectic busy life style like I do; juggling career and motherhood.

So let's see how I do, I will take this one day at a time. I'm currently size 24 - 26. I never knew there would be a time in my life when I would celebrate being an 18, but if and when I reach size 18, I will definitely reward myself.

 

[Xtracute1]

I'm travelling with my family in December, multiple destinations. The last time I was on a plane I almost couldn't get the seatbelt fastened. Also, my hips kept spilling into the other seats, and I had to keep the arm rest up for quite a bit. I had a very considerate seat mate, who totally looked the other way, but you could imagine my sheer embarrassment throughout the flight.

This December, I aim to fit comfortably into any plane seat, as well as partake in all the fun my kids will be having. I must go desert-safari riding in Dubai!!! Is that motivation or is that motivation?

 

[Xtracute1]

I have made peace with myself. After having my baby in January, I totally depressed myself by not buying any new clothes after my maternity wears. The message was: If you can't fit into them, then to the maternity shelf with you!!!. Well, that didn't do me any good, it just lead to me being miserable with longing, turning down social get together's for lack of what to wear, and wearing tasteless and ridiculous ill fitting clothes when I just have to go out. Maternity clothes ain't fun without the "bump", and wearing the same things a zillion times in a row gets old very fast. I have finally made peace with myself and I have gone shopping. I got me some nice pants, suits and gowns in size UK 24 and I look smashing. Well, as smashing as a size 24 gal can look . I'ts the best thing I could have done for myself. It feels like I loosened some imaginary mental bonds holding me back from enjoying life. I got me some new shoes, bags and accessories (at least those aren't weight specific), did my hair and started a new beauty regime. Then I mustered up courage and gave my CC a call. The call . So here I am, day 1 and counting. CWP, here goes!!!

 

[Xtracute1]

It's all about the mind, really. If you can lose the weight on the mind, then you can lose the weight on the body.

 

[Xtracute1]

My bank called to tell me my cheque book is ready for collection. Now all I can think about are the bank-security doors and their alarm that goes off anytime "anything" (coz they don't expect people to be that huge) over 125kg passes through them. It is mortification galore at its highest particularly when the security doors refuse to open and a message resonates through the banking hall - "please enter one at a time....". The busy banking hall virtually stops what it is doing at that moment and everyone's gaze is directed at the security doors, with the same thought practically going through everyone's mind at the same time: "who's the fat person NOW". It doesn't end there, you still have to do the walk of shame from the door after the smirking guard opens it with the override, right to the counter, where both bank staff and customers avoid your eye and have that knowing, judgmental look in their eye after giving you the onceover - "how fat are you...e.t.c".

I want to sue my bank. Who's with me?

 

[Xtracute1]

Time to shift my a*** from the office to the house, with horrible traffic already building up. For those on CWP, How do I handle toilet breaks in traffic from all that water? #Ponder.

Be right back!

 

[Xtracute1]

What's MiniMins stand for?

 

[Cai]

Hi!! Just came across yr new diary and don't want u to think u are talking to yrself (first sign of madness! ;-) )

Which diet are u on? I know a meal replacement but which one?

Congrats on yr baby!! I am just short of 35 weeks preg and although was please this time last year with my weight... Gaining weight before falling preg wasn't a good start!! Looking forward to being able to diet properly without any excuse!!

 

[Arum Lilly]

Hi xtracute, im here too. I feel for you, I totally understand your need to ramble about all and everything. I do that too lol. It helps to fix the mindset and its all about the mindset when it comes to sticking to a weight loss plan. Ipost in a diary here and I also blog, in a private blog on blog.com where I can really let it all out and say it just as I see it. It keeps me strong, and im sure venting here about your frustrations with dieting and life in general will keep you strong. Im sure I know what CWP stands for , but I can think what it means.

Anyway, just want you to know Im going to following your diary very closely. I need some support and you need some support, so lets crack this together!

 

[Xtracute1]

It's Cambridge weight plan CWP


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[Xtracute1]

Hi Cai! I'd rather like to think of it as obsession as madness comes off a tad bit insulting, don't you think?


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[Cai]

Oh sorry hope I didn't insult u! That wasn't my intention!!

 

[Xtracute1]

It's ok, Cai .

So do you know what MiniMins stands for? I've always wondered


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[danniellea]

Hi just came across you're diary now! Well done you on getting started I know how you feel with the maternity clothes I still had the bump up until recently and my little one is two this October! You have done so well just by getting started once you get past week one it's easy ok the mental hunger is a pain but it helps you come to terms with why you gained in the first place and to recognize real hunger. Best of luck on the road to a healthier you, will be following you're diary. Sadly I don't know what minimins stands for otherwise I'd help out. x

13.3 start weight 11.2 right now and going down!

 

[Cai]

It's ok, Cai .

So do you know what MiniMins stands for? I've always wondered

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I'm sorry I have no idea!! - maybe one of the tech people could explain?!

 

[Arum Lilly]

I don't think Minimins means anything except its a play on the name of Mini who is the administrator here and probably the site owner. It might also be a play on the word minimise as that's what we are trying to do, minimise ourselves.

 

[Xtracute1]

Wow thanks ladies for the tons of support! At the end of it all, it's all about perseverance and having people around to pick u up of you fall, to hold your hand when you are weak and to give you advise because they've totally been there. If you've been fat or chubby all your life, you will know how sensitive issues of weight can be. I once had a pair of briefs given to me over 9 years ago by a friend; it was a size small for me then. I kept those briefs with the belief that I'll fit into them "soon". Anyway, 9 years later and over 4 sizes heavier, I still have those briefs and my "soon" is hopefully right round the corner. It was actually a big wake up call when I stumbled across the briefs some time ago, as in how long I've been battling with weight and how I've allowed weight to affect my whole life! 9+ long years of self denial, longing, embarrassment, no confidence; the list is endless. It seems any choice I've made in my life has been affected one way or the other by my perception of myself from an overweight point of view. I have realized that I have to love myself first, whatever my weight is, or else I'll still have self esteem issues after the weight finally goes! Ok! Day 1 over! 100% today,hoping for 100% tomorrow, taking it one day at a time !


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Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins.com mobile app

 

[Xtracute1]

Day 2 of Sole Source 100%.

I experience heightened taste sensations. When my CC informed me I could have my regular cuppa each morning but sans cream and sugar, I scrunched up my nose, and when she further said I could have a sweetener, but just 1 tablet I felt despair, coz I'm a caffeine junkie! I take at least 5 cups of tea or coffee daily! Also, how will I cope with the unfamiliar taste?

Anyway, now I see that without milk/cream and sugar, I actually get to taste what exactly the tea is about, and it has a sharp but rather pleasant sensation on the tongue.

It may even eventually be drinkable without sweetener soon! Just thought I should put this out there

 

[Xtracute1]

I would like to stand on a regular bathroom scale again. I had to carry my electronic digital scale with me to my ante-natal appointments when it got too hard for my weight to be recorded accurately. If I can step on a regular scale and get an accurate reading by this time next month, I will be a very happy camper.

 

[Arum Lilly]

I usually cannot drink coffee without milk in it, ive never been one for sugar though. I bought some milk the other day and it went off pretty quick so I had no choice but to have black coffee, and now im actually getting used to it. Ive even asked for black coffee when we have been out. But its the little things like having to deal with a hot drink that can bring the biggest challenges sometimes. You just have to view it in perspective, its only a drink.

Im doing intermittent fasting, and I have a meal replacement shake as part of my fasting day which allows me around 400 cals for the day. Usually cope very well with it as I discovered to my shock that I don't actually get hungry that much, im not sure why I thought hunger would be such an issue because it isn't. I do get a bit headachey though, and my body is telling me to eat carbs with it. I will resist!!