Winklepip's Nine Weeker - 63 days
Hello there! Last year I managed to lose a lot of weight on CWP. It felt ruddy marvellous!
But a few pounds were gained here and a few there and I can't bring myself to look at the scales. It seems I am not the reformed night binger I thought I was. Because the gains are from "secret" eating, the shame for me is far greater than say, eating too much on holiday. I'm guessing it's about a 20lb gain, but I'm not ready to look yet, so I have no starting point for my stats...
Thing is, I feel much worse than I did when I was nearly 17 stone :confused: I feel I have failed myself. Despite losing weight on the outside, the battle on the inside really wasn't over, maybe it never will be.
So I have given myself nine weeks to sort it out and vowed during that time to face up to the fact I'm always going to have a difficult relationship with food. But I'm not buying bigger jeans because of it. My clothes feel awful.
I'm drawing a line and saying no more to the awful pull to stand in front of the fridge with it's contents all lit up at night and start a *big* cheese, nuts, olives and peanut butter session.
I realise that I can't eat the bars. I'm not a crazy one for sweet things (only when there is big doses of PMT going on!) but they are so nice to chew. However, they trigger something in me and I recognise this now. They send a solid food message to my brain and I then struggle so badly.
Minimins helped so much during my weight loss. I read your diaries and posts every night without fail whilst I guzzled my water! You all helped more than you'll ever know :)
I know what I need to do. So instead of lurking, I'm putting myself on the line now. And whinging a lot too!
There's a lot of awesome things happening in September and I need my clothes to fit again and regain some confidence. I was supposed to attend a work do tonight but didn't turn up because of the likelihood of photos being taken. I don't want to go back to making excuses again.
But first, I have to survive a family holiday and then the school hols where my growing kids just eat and eat all day and grow taller and taller (how does that work??!!)
Day one then, is done. Thank you for reading x