So I'm back (yet again) and re-starting (yet-again) if you've read my earlier diary you know most of my story. I'm not going to rehash it here. I am on day 4 of my attack phase today. I'm still more wobbley than I was the first time (every day I want to just give up), but I have dropped 6 pounds in attack and I have 2 more days to go, so I am hopeful that my mental attitude is finally in the right space to make this commitment again. My family decided to go on Dukan with me this time, which is a good support. My son did it for two days and I made him go back to his normal iet. He is super skinny anyways and much as I appreciated the support, I was really worried about him following my eating plan. He lost 7 pounds in two days. He is 6' 5" and went from 170 pounds to 163. Too skinny - he reminds me of a anorexic model. He is a football and track athlete so he wants to be light and lean to keep his speed at 170 he looks skinny at 163 he looks emaciated. My husband, he has also dropped 7 pounds, but he is 6' and was at 204, so he just looks good He wants to get to 183 - he'll be there in no time Me I started at 238.4 and this morning am at 232.0 so I am progressing as expected. DH will be at goal weight in mid-October according to the calculator, while I will be cruising on through April.
Posting here on Minimins was an important part of my accountability last go round, so I will be back here daily posting random thoughts and observations.
Today's meal plan
B: Gallette with ff vanilla yogurt
S: Hard-boiled egg
L: Slow roasted round steak and ff cottage cheese
S: Grilled chicken
D: Mince patties with mustard and sf jello
I always make lots of protein, so I eat multiple portions of the protein until I feel full. Good rule of thumb for me has been to make 3 times as much as I think I need, then I have enough to feel full and extra if I need more snacks. I can only tolerate two serving of dairy protein a day without getting sick, so those are limited.
I'm fighting health issues and depression right now that are sapping my energy and motivation. I have been using those issues to justify eating "comfort food", one or two nightcaps to take the edge off, and too tired for any exercise. I continually told myself that I would get back to the weight loss once those issues were under control, that fighting the battle of the bulge was something with which I just couldn't cope at that time. Subsequently I was gaining weight at the rate of 9 pounds a month. The weight gain has worsened my health issues and depression. Being still in denial, my family finally intervened and told me I had to start taking care of myself. I resisted. They let it drop. When I realized I couldn't even walk across a parking lot with them without getting winded, light-headed, and my legs cramping I brought the subject back up and they encouraged me to give Dukan another try. I was considering going in for gastric bypass or some other radical solution. They said they would support whatever choice I made. A good friend that had had success with gastric bypass then went into the hospital with life-threatening complications. 3 surgeries later she is back home, looking sick, tired, and miserable. I decided to try Dukan again, but was scared because I had restarted so many times and hadn't been able to stick with it. DH said, "you were at goal, in conso, and finding your stabilization point when your dad died and everything changed. Don't count those restarts against yourself, because you didn't restart in a public way. When you first did Dukan you were accountable to me, to our friends, to your online friends, and your local support group. Since your folks died you have just been trying to do it on your own because you didn't want to admit that you were struggling and hurting. So you did little restarts, maybe you told me, maybe you went online, but you never fully committed to it. I bet if you fully commit and let people know that you will be able to do it again!"
So here I am. Missing 2 parents, one dog, and a lot of self-confidence - with the recent addition of off-balance hormones, constant pain, and eyes that are quickly deteriorating. Just trying make it through day four.