Rachie B's Fighting Diary

Well i thought I would start my diary so people can read this and I now have a duty to you all to update my diary and when there are good and bad days, I can be as honest as I possibly can...

So where am I? I am now coming to the end of day 4. I don't have lots of energy or feel fab. I feel tired and need food. However, I do feel thinner and I can see my weight loss in my face, already. I do hope that I start to feel better, as in 2009 I lost 5 stones on LL, but I felt absolutely terrible. At 6ft, I wasn't allowed any extra packs as it was deemed that I didn't need any more...well thank goodness for exante. In 2010, I piled all the weight back on, plus a stone. I tried to get back to LL and CD, but my head was too full with stress of running my failing business and trying to keep my house.

Moving on..I am now fully employed 18stone and moving house (renting). So here I am fed up with being fat. I call it fat to myself, not to anyone else. I am cruel to myself as I can't believe I have got this big AGAIN!!

This time around, my gorgeous OH is doing it with me. He has about 2.5 stones to lose but, I am going to press after he is a slim jim lol!!! I so want to be gorgeous and slim for Christmas, so I can shake some shapes on the dance floor hehehehe!!

Today, though, I have found it a struggle. I have discovered that I eat too much (not bingeing, just too much food for my body) as a way of coping with stress. Having been a stress head for my entire adult life, no wonder I have been overweight for all that time. It is only when my life is less stressful and nearly normal that I can lose weight.

I am doing this diary for pure selfish reasons; I need to lose weight as I hate being so fat and I hate how people, who don't know me, think is appropriate to make throw away comments because I am 'big' or 'amazonian'.

I hope that there is someone out there who will read this and think that I am not completely strange (well a little) and that I feel that there is a fellow slim person ready to fight out of their uncomfortable body. Hence why this is my fighting back diary. I WANT TO SLIM!!!! Here is to wearing a size 12/14 and wearing high heels that don't hurt because so much weight is on such small surface area.

Hope you are all having a fab day and thank you for being there...I can't do this without you xxx

Hi Rachie, Ive got similar feelings about myself except at 5ft 2in look like a ball rather than an amazonian! Good luck on your journey am sure xmas will be in a size dress you want! rather than my years of buying what will fit, usually the granny-iest outfit in the size 20-22 areas, and to be honest still a bit snug! Always been too small for Evans as shoulders/legs drown me, but too bloomin big for anything nice!!
So good luck Rachie, am a newbie to vlcd so all a bit new still!

hey , just wanted to say good luck I always find day 4 the toughest , then day 5 comes and I feel loads better , I hope you get the breakthrough and increased energy , it is not a nice plan to follow if it makes you feel bad ..and if you need 4 packs then have them , its your diet

Hello Rachie
Welcome on the Exante train to Slimtown! I know how tough the first days are... But it looks like you are getting into Ketosis right now, so hopefully you feel better tomorrow.
I wish you good luck and keep my fingers crossed for you!!!
Your first WI in 3 days only yay! You'll love it.
xxx
Biggie

I understand completely.

I have been overweight pretty much all my life. You name the diet, and I have probably done it at one time or another. I have lost loads of weight, then piled it all back on.

At just 5 feet tall, every extra ounce shows:sigh:


I am so ashamed to admit I am now 17.5 stones:cry:

I too comfort eat, and eat in response to stress. I know what I do, and why I do it. Why then, is it so hard to stop? I would be a rich woman if I knew the answer!

All I know is I have clothes in my wardrobe from size 10 to 24. I hate mirrors, and most of the time I hate myself too.

That all being said, for some reason I feel this time things are very different. This is the first VLCD I have tried, and taking food out of the equation altogether is just amazing!!

I am only at day 4 , but I feel fine and I feel positive and determined.

I have never, ever, joined any online forum before. I found this site entirely by accident, and found reading people's stories such an incredible inspiration.

Stay strong. You can do it........and we can do this together

Hey All,

Well I have just spent the last 15 minutes writing and thanking you all, but for some reason I got kicked out and lost it all.

Thank you so much for all your responses; I seriously did not think I would get any!!!

Today I feel so groggy this morning and then by now I have had my second wind and now am shattered. Note to self, I shall write my diary in word and then copy and paste it onto here so that I don't lost it again.

Bring on the slim jims, the party frock and wow factor. Let's just ourselves a pat on the back for starting this journey whether it be by the scenic or direct route.

I promise tomorrow my post will be better, but for now I am going to rest and chill and watch TV.

Hope you are all fabulous today/night. xxxx

Hi all, surreal day all round, handed my notice in (yikes!) and lost 7lbs at first weigh in!! Golly...half way to first months stone target for myself..how fab is that!
Still not symptoms at all, just feel normal still, ketosis??? who knows!!
Have a good night all of you and another super day tomorrow.

Hey Dawn!!!

Well done on your 7lbs loss and giving in your notice; what a day for you!!! Well I can totally say that I now know the feelings of wellness from ketosis. Today I woke up feeling more alert and wanting to get to work (what's that all about!!!)

I did check the stick and it has turned a nice shade of pink. I did have a sleep when I got in from work and I think that where possible I need to have a power nap or three during the day hahahahaha!!! Not felt hungry today at all really so I just made sure that my fluid intake was high and that I didn't rest on my laurels I have even started to look at nice clothes and thinking what I would look like when I am at my target weight. I would feel so much better wearing nice clothes rather than the usual uniform of black trousers for work and jeans and t-shirt. When planning to do things at night I could look forward to feeling pretty and sexy and enjoy the evening and not worry about bursting out of my trousers or feeling like a bag of muck because I am wearing frumpy clothes that don't fit properly and I am only wearing them because they hide a multitude of rolls or bulges.

How did the rest of your day plan out? Have you tried any clothes on to see if they fit better? What is your goal that keeps you going through the day?

Hope you have a fab day tomorrow xxxx

Hello it is great you are seeing the change in yourself already - that is fantastic! I hope the rest of your week is great too Good luck!

Hey Katt,

Thank you for dropping in. I am not sure what I have to do to keep people responding to my diary. Where are you up to on journey? I can't believe that I have my first weigh in tomorrow morning. My OH looks a lot different and I can see the weight has dropped off him. Me on the other hand, I can't see any changes in myself.

What has shocked me today is that even with less sleep I felt quite high today. I was only brought down with a bump when I called into work late this afternoon. it is amazing how I use food to cover my ill feelings about work and how other people behave and talk to me really affects me. I thought I was tough and self assured but it is the food talking. Really I am scared of my future, I feel vulnerable in life, generally. I don't believe that it is just the exante diet that is making me feel this way. Maybe I have always been this way and I use food to cover or protect myself.

I read in a book somewhere that when comfort eaters reach out of food through mouth hunger, then that is their body telling them that they need comfort. If this is true where do I get comfort from? For 13 years I have purposely pursued a career that I didn't think much of. I graduated in a profession that would provide me with an income and a career ladder. I didn't particularly enjoy it, until today, which, is really odd. I actually saw what my purpose of my career was and that I could do great things, so long as, I believed in myself. How do you believe in yourself when you don't even know where to begin? It's like seeing the ikea furniture in the magazine, but trying to put it together without the instructions. I know what to do but I don't know how.

Anyway enough of my ramblings tonight. How is everyone today?

thanks for being here xxxx

Hello again, *hugs* I am not self assured and I am not sure where my life is going either and I also turn to food on bad days - I have had psoriasis since I was six years old and basically any stress or upset shows in flare ups and then I have the added stress of people asking me what it is

But I do know I am a lot more confident with a thinner me and I need to get some of that back as sometimes I am too nice for my own good and although it makes other people happy it brings me down as I am more worried about everyone else being happy rather than focusing on myself and then I lose track of what will make me happy!

So this is my happiness, taking care of myself and feeling good about the image I get back from the mirror the future can be worried about when I feel I can deal with it!

I think you are doing great and I hope you can find something to replace the feeling food gives you Good luck!

I am on day 5

Hi Rachie/Katt, very good ramblings, made me think! Am using this last ditch attempt to loose weight as a chance to try and find out why Ive got food problems too, and what you said made me think, so will go off and ponder over that!
Been thinking about how on earth if two shakes and a scabby bar are filling now, how have I felt hungry and enjoyed food so much?!! Enjoyed as in eating it not the results side.
No real pattern to how and why I eat, dont really stuff my face, or eat loads and I hardly drink, so never been sure why I cling onto every last pound as if it were my last! Been porky all my life, absolutely hate it. Made me sad for years and years. Like all of us I cover it up by wearing nice clothes (massive ones!) and trying to be mega good at my job, but still underneath it all every glimpse in the mirror still makes me shudder.
Lets hope fab new beginnings for all of us eh!?? Roll on all next weigh ins!
Good luck for weekend!

Hi Dawn - don't worry my body grabs the fat in anything too I watch tv shows like 'you are what you eat' and they have enough food to feed a family of 5 for a month as the weekly amount they eat and I think yeah I can see how you got where you are but with me I am not quite sure why I am a fat magnet!

Don't get me wrong I know I am obviously eating more than I need but I don't have a food for 500 either lol so I guess I am just one of those unlucky people who need to watch EVERYTHING I eat - so depressing! Even more so as I am married to a man who can eat anything and is 6 ft and 10 and a half stone!!! (by the way I am not calling those people who do eat way more than they should as I know it is an easy trap to fall into if you let things get on top of you emotionally)

I was brought up to believe food was a treat/reward so hence the comfort feelings around it and thus why diets have not worked in the past - it is the feeling of being deprived or missing out, it almost feels like a punishment. But I heard something on the radio that made me think (they were talking about drink and drugs) basically everything you do to your body is like a loan and one day you have to pay it back - so here we are paying back for all the treats, feelings of comfort or rewards we have felt food has given us - makes sense really as they say nothing in life is free

Anyway lol sorry Rachie for taking over your ramblings with my own *hugs* hope today is a good one!

Hi Dawn and Katt,

Well I can't believe what I have done today. Got weighed 6lbs off, but then justified an extra bar as a treat for feeling so knackered and doing well on the plan. I still am my 100% as I know that I am abstaining from conventional food.

Dawn you hit the nail on the head with the work thing. I try too hard at my job because I want to compensate for people thinking I am fat, useless and lazy; I would never say that about anyone else, apart from me!!! So today I have had a mini revelation; I am going to do my job to the best of my ability that is it; no more working at weekends and evenings for free (I am salaried). Stress can shut up and stay quiet in the corner. I am putting my needs first, like a nap this afternoon and probably tomorrow afternoon too.

I so pleased that I have people like you girls to just be my sounding board to know that after 22 years of hating myself, my body and my eating, I am ok!! I can do whatever I want to so long as it is legal and doesn't hurt anyone, including me.

Katt - when I am thinner I am so much more confident, relaxed, and chilled out. Bigger I worry every minute of the day and in my sleep. When bigger, I fear life, the world and it's people. I worry too much about what people think of me. When I was at my slimmest in 2009, I didn't give a stuff what other people thought.

I love hearing about other peoples stories so don't worry about hi-jacking, it is great to know that I am not alone and that I can offer support and comfort when asked. Together, we can see the real us and begin to love what our nearest and dearest love about us. If we can't, then we can act as though we believe it and then one day we will.

Hope you are all okay this weekend?

Massive hugs; I couldn't have it without you this week, thank you xxx

arty0011:arty0011:arty0011: Whoop whoop on the 6 pounds gone!!! That is fantastic!!!!

I obviously found some kindred spirits - I am the queen of worry - lol I used to worry about stupid things like if someone sat next to me on a bus how was I going to get off if my stop as before theirs?!? WTF is that all about? lol

That is the joy of the Internet, you can support each other as the 'real' us and not who we think people need us to be - I am always stressing about what other people think of me - such a waste of time

Good for you on the job front, why should you work harder than everyone else?

Great loss good luck for next week

Hey Katt,

Do you see me? I think about that when I am on the train and what does the person sitting next to me think when my fat saddlebags starts to encroach onto their seat yikes!!!

Thank you for the whoop whoop; I am dreaming of my outfit for Christmas and wearing high heels and dancing all night....my OH has lost 9lbs and I am starting to fancy he even more hahahaha!! I have told him this and he is smiling now hehehehehehe.

When's your wi? Good luck for then... xxxxx

LOL my hubby keeps asking if I will still want him when the weight goes, but he likes women on the larger side so I think he will be watching my bust to see how much it shrinks lol But I am doing this for me so he will have to love less of me

I bet your man is a happy bunny lol and congrats to him too on another fab loss! I started on monday so I will WI this monday and hope I did as well as you!

Hi Rachie, what a fab loss, almost half a stone in a week...bloomin marvellous!!
We managed a coffee shop morning today, I only had black coffee...whoop de doo!!
Have a good rest of weekend, and Katt good luck for Monday!

Hi all, how you doing on a Sunday ladies?
Im struggling a bit today, had to scoff half an extra bar...but hey better than a plate full of pud!! So not going to beat myself up about that!!
Need to up water intake, but so cold and miserable today havent felt like my usual ice loaded glasses full! So better get on with that!
Have good Monday and less than week to all our next weigh ins!

Hey Katt,

Your words are ringing in my ears; why should I work harder than everyone else? I am certainly not getting any recognition or benefit from it. It has felt really weird not working this weekend. what I have noticed is that I have been able to put work in it's place. I can't say that I will be able to do this every weekend, but at least it is a start.

Well, I found out something really interesting yesterday. even though I had an extra bar, I wasn't thrown out of ketosis this morning. However, the extra carbs have played havoc with mine and my OH's emotional balance. We have both felt the strain today and have vowed not to have 2 bars in one day ever again. In order to redress the balance, we had some pork instead've the bar today, in order to reduce the amount of carbs. It is so not worth having an extra bar; at least we know that our bodies can't handle that many carbs in one day without some retribution.

One a positive note though, I am definitely feeling slimmer, not bloated just full of wind. How are you feeling? It is so weird how my body has reacted to exante, compared to LL. On LL I felt sooooo ill. I felt dizzy, weak, lifeless and a spectator to my own life. On exante, I am actually feeling better, with a burst of energy now and again. I have realised that I push myself too hard and that I need to de-stress and re-evaluate my life, so that the slim me can finally come out to play and enjoy herself and wear fantastic clothes yippeeeee!!!!!

What keeps you going?

Hope you have had a fabulous weekend? xx