Thread: The LAST time!

Hello cyber world. I tried to start this diary the other day and it lost everything I had written when I posted it.So for now, just a quick hello so I have motivation to keep writing and I will update it properly later.
This is my 3rd week on Exante, I have lost 15lbs in 20 days. I am 5ft7 and want to get down to 11.7,I started at 14.7.
I have kept a diary in the past on Cambridge and I found it invaluable, some days time just seems to drag and my conviction wavers, though I have never as yet cheated. I find it very hard to 'live' while on a vlcd,I seem to go into a coping mode day to day. Which I feel bad about as life isn't all about food and eating and it is far too short to wish it away!
any way, more from me later xx

Today is actually a really tough day. I feel run down (kids have colds so I am fighting it I guess). I am hungry for the first time in a about a week. Someone in my friends on facebook just posted a picture of a full roast dinner with yorkshire puddings, dripping with gravy they have just cooked. I could cry. Melodramatic maybe, but hey.
Funny how it comes in waves. I have have numerous ok days and then the odd one that can near on break me and only sheer bloody-mindedness gets me through it. And that I have in spades, but it doesn't mean I don't get in a foul mood.
And speaking of the magical *will power*. Why can I have got to goal twice now but don't have the will power to moderate myself in normal life? That is the big question I suppose.

Hope today is a better day for you today and sleep brought an end to the siren song of food chicken xx

...

How you getting on?

Fine diet-wise, 18lbs gone. R taking me to Amsterdam beginning of Nov so I have to come up with a plan.Mind you, having issues with the boy atm so not sure I should go.I deleted my post yesterday because it was miserable, but strangely it has actually not made it harder diet wise so far, I am in a better place in that respect than last week.

Well done 18lbs in 4 weeks in AMAZING!

You know I am always here if you need boy advice xx

1st10lb to go. Until I realised I had more than half to go I was feeling better lol! But I am pretty chuffed to have achieved this in less than 4 weeks,I am not being ungrateful,honest!
Last night I made picallilli for Christmas.And it lead to me thinking about all the Christmas things I plan on eating! Including my beautiful organic bronze turkeys I hatched in April Probably sounds like a terrible attitude, but I plan to be at goal and maintaining by then. And it would be lovely to have a guilt free but NOT EXCESSIVE Christmas,with control measures ready to go right after.January usually see's me with a mountain to conquer, not a mole hill. A mole hill is easy, provided it is conquered and not ignored that is.

I am undecided what to do for my trip to Amsterdam. If we are going on the 3rd of Nov I need to be thinking of what to do. Problem is I REALLY want to achieve another stone by then - well actually to be at least 12.7 (tho a stone would be awesome) which is only 10lbs. Do-able on shakes only sure, but the sensible thing to do would be to step up in preparation.I was thinking 810 (sorry Cambridge speak, but I know those plans inside out) the week before to give me maximum time - but if I am honest with myself, am I really going to stay in ketosis? Pfff! B****ks am I not going to drink.Equally I don't want to step up further because to do it properly I should be starting now and right now food is a definite NO. The low 12's are a danger zone for me, I am happy-ish there (NB.I know alot of people would think my goal of 11.7 is high, but on my frame it is pretty skinny). People are less understanding when you 'look' a healthy weight,it becomes much harder to get back on the wagon, I get a bit resentful of having to do it. But maybe I can do it? Maybe I can be careful (and doubt I could drink much anyway!) and come back and go back on 100% until goal. and maybe it will happen faster because things will have had a boost and I will see my goal is near?
I think positive visualisations need to become something I really try and do more of. I mean the reason I am even bothering with this journey again (aside from the fact I will NOT allow myself to spiral into total obesity again, that is the one thing I have achieved even with my yoyo-ing of recent yrs) is because my life has changed and will be considerably more next yr.I actually set out to get fit, but being heavier takes its toll on my knees, energy levels etc so felt this was the best plan of action. Why do I think this time will be different? Happy stable relationship.The feeling of a true family for the first time ever, a man who tries his hardest to share my burdens. And of course the fact that next year I will be living and working on a farm, not moping around a house grazing on sugary crap to make me feel better. Or because I'm bored, tired or *insert ridiculous reason here*. Besides...I want to wear a certain type of ivory frock next yr and I'm not doing that FAT!
I guess I should get off my big posterior and do something active.
Laters x

Here, I am going to be brave.My motivation - before and after Cambridge. The before is the biggest I have ever been. I loathe that photo, it is like it is of someone else.After was 11.7 the last time I got to goal May 10. Sorry bout the trifle.

I love your thinking and typing! Your photos must b very motivational xx

Thanks Time2go, they kind of are I guess. Equally they remind me of what I didn't take care of which allows doubt to creep in about what might happen this time. What you have achieved is amazing- nearly 5 stone! That is about the weight difference between my two photos.
xx

I remember the day the trifle picture was taken fondly - you looked great, Amazing even and I remember being so jealous of how great you looked. Between then and now I know the rollercoaster you have been on and I think your future looks a little less rocky now and a lot more stable and I think you now have the emotional space to focus on this. There is no reason why you won't succeed this time chick, you can achieve anything you set your mind on - and you have the love of a good man and friends who care about you to support you.

Originally Posted by Madoody

Thanks Time2go, they kind of are I guess. Equally they remind me of what I didn't take care of which allows doubt to creep in about what might happen this time. What you have achieved is amazing- nearly 5 stone! That is about the weight difference between my two photos.
xx

I've actually lost close to 8 stone.... Cannot see it though, typically! You are doing great xxxv

It just occurred to me that if I add all my successful diets in the last 12 yrs (as in significant weight lost) up I have done lost over 18 stone not counting this time. The same 3-5.5 stone at a time,but that is phenomenal. The time,the effort, the tears...THE MONEY.What is more, the total of all the gains... I could be well over 30 stone by now. I should rename this 'diary of the yo-yo dieter'.I have to stop.

Urgh, this morning was a shock. Pitch black outside- I had to shower in the dark as the bulb has gone in the bathroom (not laziness preventing me from changing it, I think the fitting is knackered as it keeps blowing expensive halogen bulbs every couple of weeks). Still, could just about read the scales. 13.2. Put that in your pipe and smoke it Mrs Obesity. I joined the October challenge yesterday and pledged to lose 10lbs. The least of anyone on there! LOL, they all say 14lbs. Which I know is possible, but equally I KNOW from my vast vlcd experience of staying on the straight and narrow that even then, you have weeks where the scale doesn't agree,I don't want the pressure of 3.5lbs per week, even though it may happen. And secretly I want it to...I just hate failing

Better go get the kids dressed for school,they are currently engrossed in walking with dinosaurs. They are with their Dad tonight so I am off to Oh's farm after school drop off. Least I'll stay active, albeit having to endure all the food around me. I always arrive when they are eating breakfast (they have very odd mealtimes that evolved around milking) but yes, bacon haunts me. And OH's mother is the generation that does not understand diets, has no idea why anyone would want to and cannot believe I eat nothing (should add had heart bypass in 50's). Bless her though, she has kept her outspoken trap shut to me, but I know what she has said when one of their staff starts being particular about her lunch (say going low carb etc).Not that it matters to me really, I know why I am doing it.
Right must go!
Laters x

I've only lost 2.2lbs this week. Was to be expected, I always have these slow weeks and then tend to lose 4/5 the following week. But this morning I woke up and didn't need to pee... I must be retaining water as that never happens. I feel pms'y, got lots of the symptoms but it has been 7 weeks and ketosis often stops me all together so who knows what is going on. I found last night a bit hard mentally after going to a school mum's house for tea for the kids and having to tell her I wasn't eating and having her have a go at me for doing 'that stupid diet again'. She has lost 2 stone on SW in the last 10 months(!), has a few more to go. She did CD twice a few yrs ago (not at all properly I may add!), blames it for 'slowing her metabolism' and messing up her attitude to food. I was very good, I said yes it does work very well if you stick to it, it just doesn't solve your food issues, That is your responsibility. Anyway, it didn't bother me hugely, she kept offering me food and putting sugar in my tea and stuff...but it was water of a ducks back at the time because I wasn't at all hungry. But when I got home I found myself feeling a bit deflated, not so optimistic. I actually don't want to tell people at all, so only do it when backed into a corner for this exact reason. It is my journey, not theirs. I notice from reading alot of diaries that the social thing seems a bit of an 'excuse' (among so many others too numerous to mention). I don't get it, I don't want to open discussion on the diet with people either,and don't want to offend people by refusing their hospitality. But honestly, I think their emotional turmoil at having a piece of cake rebuked does not really register on the scale of what emotionally would happen to me if I ate it and had to spend 3 days getting back into ketosis.It just isn't that important to people to see you eat.But I guess it is a pretty convenient way to justify it if you want to. I have a really great friend who has been on and off CD since 06. She never does it properly. She says she is always hungry when she does it so it makes no difference to her being in ket or not. I doubt she has ever been properly in ketosis. She doesn't get that the only thing that makes vlcds safe is the fact that ketosis reduces metabolisation of lean tissue, it protects your heart.I refused to sell her products when I was a cdc. I am seeing her tomorrow and she was going back on it just before I started this time again, and I know she will say 'I can't believe you are being so hardcore'and will be envious of how much I lost in the same time frame.It has happened every time. To me it is black and white,you either do it by the book or you stop. Fart-arsing about with it is not good for you, is not safe and makes it harder.It is hard enough already! And believe me, there have been times I have stopped knowing that I was starting to mess with it, I am not blowing my own trumpet. These diets work amazingly,but they only work as hard as you do!