So I'm very excited - Weeks starter pack has arrived - delivered by the lovely Anthony who was far more shocked that i had to get out of the shower to receive a parcel than I've seen a young lad in a long time!!
I'm the usual type of person - nothing senstaional - nothing too boring - lived a pretty fast and at some points exciting life - managed to get 2 girls to their teenage years with no deaths or lasting scars - very confident at what i do - not a wall flower - had various success with the opposite sex - although they dont last long - and yet I'm here posting on yet another diet forum!
The one area of my life i have never really controlled - or maybe controlled too much by saying stuff it i love being fat, large and sweaty - i dont care that only Evans clothing will fit - hey I've got Simply be and when I look in the mirror I dont look that bad so I will eat what i want!! is my WEIGHT ! So how come I mostly eat in secret - how come I binge on 6 packets of crisps before tea - how come those photos dont match the image in my head!
because i'm not happy - i'm not in control - i'm resigned to it!
However today is it!! this is the last time I'm going to try to lose weight - not for the kids, not for potential partners, not for work - JUST FOR ME!!
I'm scared I'll fail again (been there - done that)
I'm scared I'll be a demon (altho technically some would argue i already am!)
I'm scared i'll be hungry (reality check girl - you probably will be)
I'm scared i wont like myself (do i now?)
I'm scared i cant visualise an end point - I've never been thin (dont be dramatic and take it hour by hour)
I'm scared I wont like the drinks/shakes etc (hold your nose and think of England - you've done worse)
6 reasons to be scared but:
I'm excited this could work
I'm excited I could learn to like myself
I'm excited at the opportunities this could bring
I'm excited to try something new
I'm excited i could make new friends
I'm excited I could blow all my salary on new clothes
I'm excited that my kids love me and are really supportive
and the rest - I'm gonna give this a bloody good go and if I do fail - hell I've been there before!
Banana shake is first on the hit list - and actually I like it!!
will post at various points - which will be the sign that I've approached the fridge and trying to distract myself
Take care Vee x