Thread: Omg i am such a bad mum :'(

My ten year old son just came home from school in tears! He has told me that he is fat all the kids are picking on him because he has 'moobs' when I told him he is fine he made me do the nhs bmi checker and he is overweight .. Wait for it... By 8lbs!! He is so upset and now so am I?! Have I pushed my weight issues onto him? He is genuinely upset he is a big boy for ten anyway he's already 5'1 with size 6 feet! He also has precosious puberty which means he is smack in the middle of puberty so his emotions are all over anyway! When I told him he only has to make little changes to his diet he told me I would mam but you feed me! I have to eat what you give me! What do I do? I feel so awful how did I not notice how bad he was feeling and how down he was I mean yes he's got some rolls but I though he was just a chubby kid I feel rotten and have no idea what to do to help him!

He has just told me he's lied for five weeks and told the teachers he's forgotten his swimming kit so the other boys don't see him! He said he looks in the mirror and hates what he sees! My heart is breaking for him!

Awwh bless him ..Kids can be so cruel. Try no to get upset though, it will only upset him more. You're right, little changes are all it takes. Chances are he'll lose any extra weight when he has his growth spurt - boys usually do. I think that it's a really good thing that he told you. Would you let him pick anything to eat when you go shopping? ...Also: YOU ARE NOT A BAD MUM! Put that right out of your head!!

I remember feeling like that at school and I'm sure there are a few ppl that think what they see in the mirror is horrid! Maybe you could cut portion sizes, not buy junk food or even do a sport together? Xx

He can eat what he likes and I think that's my and his problem he goes in the treat cupboard and 'grazes' like I used to he has said he'll make small changes swapping to coke zero etc I just feel terrible as I feel maybe my weight issues have contributed to how he's feeling and of course I do in face cook his food so again that's my fault too!

Originally Posted by shellreed2011

He can eat what he likes and I think that's my and his problem he goes in the treat cupboard and 'grazes' like I used to he has said he'll make small changes swapping to coke zero etc I just feel terrible as I feel maybe my weight issues have contributed to how he's feeling and of course I do in face cook his food so again that's my fault too!

In fact not in face !!

I did wonder what face-cooking was for a moment!

Shell, you are NOT a bad mum! My friend has two kids and each goes from being a bit chubby to having a growth spurt and being skinny, and so on and so forth! Laura is right, getting upset might upset him more so try and be strong and implement small changes but surround them with positivity. Make it all about being healthy and not 'losing weight'. Bless his little heart, children can be horrid to each other at times but 8lb can be gone in no time with him barely even noticing it! xxx

Couldn't have put it better myself RB!

Thought I'd include a picture so u can see! This is my boy I've also put one of him with his wait for it 16! Year old cousin! All my kids are tall!! The pic of them all includes my 8 year old daughter and my 12 year old daughter!

awhh there's nothing wrong with him! They're lovely pics

Aww that must be so hard to hear from your son. Its hearbreaking to see them unhappy. BUT you are not a bad mum! He has come to you with this problem, it shows that he cant talk to you about things which is a huge positive. I belive that is where so many things go wrong in parent/ child relationships, lack of communication and trust.

Anyway, I would imagine he will have a growth spout and he will lost the little extra weight. However it might be a good idea to start teaching him a healthier lifestyle. I think everyone who is here and has children are wanting to make changes for their childrens sake as much as their own. I know there has been huge changes in my house. I always give my sons fruit and natural yogurt for breafast instead of toast and sugary cereal. I now cook from scrach instead of jars so I know whats going into it. Its small little changes. I am sure he is perfectly fine anyway and everyone knows that children can be so cruel, the smallest thing and they will pick up on it. The other girls I went to school with used to pick on me because I got new trendy clothes. It was ridculous and I used to stop wearing nice things. We all know now bullying comes from jealousy its hard to tell people going through it now that though.

Good luck and stay positive. Any challenge that comes you can beat it!

just looked at your photos. Nothing wrong with him at all!!! He is tall for his age, my son is 8 and has a jacked for age 13! Dont worry he is not overweight one bit!

Hi, don't want to poke my nose in, my son had the opposite problem and it upset him at school at times as he was small for his age. I think he may need to build up his confidence in some areas, what about if you took him swimming so that he feels safe and secure with you, not his class mates.
I wonder what PHSE programmes they do at school. It may also be worth having a quiet word with his tutor or PE teacher too. Poor mite, he will be growing too so it must be hard for him.
Of absolutely no help, but I have had a number of students who at 12/13 were a bit on the heavy side, but within a year they had grown into their bodies if you get what I mean. I think if there is a sport that he is good in at school then maybe he could shine in that infront of his friends.
If the taunting continues over a period of time and is by a specific group of kids then unfortunately it is bullying and has to be addressed. The school MUST have a programme about growing, and body image.
BTW he is absolutely gorgeous and you are definately not a bad mum, but I know how much it breaks our hearts to see our children hurting.
Julia

My son was the same a year or so ago and was totally obsessed with weighing. He does football training twice a week and plays every Sunday. His coach had a word about how unfit he seemed so Kieran decided he needed to go on a diet. That was the last thing I wanted. So after speaking to him about excersising more than he did at the time would make a huge difference to his fitness which was more important than just dieting. He now takes his bike to and from school and football trains with his friends after school. He now realises the importance of fitness. He's never mentioned dieting again and he's the fittest he's ever been. He's 13 now.

Sorry your taking this personally. Big hugs to you xx

Originally Posted by shellreed2011

Thought I'd include a picture so u can see! This is my boy I've also put one of him with his wait for it 16! Year old cousin! All my kids are tall!! The pic of them all includes my 8 year old daughter and my 12 year old daughter!

Darling, when I look at them pictures I can see one happy bunch.
That looks to me like you're and awesome mum. If you need another one I'm ready for adoption. (if you need a big boy in his late 20's )