Thread: Don't Lose Too Much

OK, so I'm approaching two thirds of the way through my campaign... 6.5 stone gone, 4 to 4.5 to go. My goal is a bit of a guess,really, because I've never been a healthy weight in my adult life (and been overweight since I was 8) - but now that I've found the wonderful slimpods which have dealt with my binge/emotional eating, I am able to eat normally, and along with regular exercise, the weight is coming off.

So far, so good. But, for at least the last stone and a half, I have had people saying "Don't lose too much", and even "Don't lose any more.". They add to this something along the lines of you look lovely/perfect/beautiful as you are, which is all very well, but.... I'm still obese! My BMI at the moment is about 33 - so, not only am I nowhere near to being underweight, I have still got close to four stone to go before I reach even the top of the healthy weight range.

So what is going on? Are people just so used to me being morbidly obese (peak BMI was 48) that even being still a size 18-20 they think I'm skinny? Or, is it that the average person is now overweight, so they think I'm average? Then there's the skin thing (anyone else had that) - if you lose too much you'll have wrinkles round your neck. As if appearance is more important than health?

Any ideas? Without being nasty - is there anything I can say to these people which will get them to shut up? Or shall I just ignore them?

Now, if I were in my healthy weight range, and several people who I trusted told me I was too skinny, that would be different. But that's a million miles away.

Barbara

I've found this before, and I find it quite intriguing. I think parents and family members say it as they have always worried about you eating enough (i.e. through childhood) and associate eating more with being healthy. Peers maybe say it as they may think you are eating unhealthily or not enough or they may simply be a bit jealous! I wouldn't listen to be honest! I'd carry on till you get to a healthy BMI then try to maintain that. Saggy skin could be an issue though so if you are worried then i'd use some bio oil or cocoa butter to firm up as you lose the pounds!

Hi there, I have never posted here before but have now lost just over 3 stone and I am getting the same "don't lose too much" chat. It is really frustrating and confusing, I have never been comfortable in my skin before....and now that I am gaining some self confidence, others have started to make me question myself again!!

I also got this after I'd lost 20 pounds but still had a bmi of nearly 26. I don't quite understand it. The comment came from a woman who looks to be at a very healthy body weight.

I think part of it is that the conception of what is a normal weight is changing as our society gets more obese as a whole. But also there may be a worry about anorexia or bulimia? Who knows...

I just know that I had the same reaction, in part pleased that someone thought I looked trim enough to suggest not losing any more weight, but also confused by the message because I still was still overweight.

I got this loads as I was approaching goal (last time, d'oh! Back on the diet treadmill again now) - I think there are loads of reasons for it. Partly, I think people don't like change, and they feel comfortable with the fat you because that's what they've always known; also you taking control of your life and weight can make people uncomfortable because maybe they have things they'd like to change, but tell themselves that they can't! With parents I think sometimes there's the guilt that maybe you've been fat all your life because of something they did (i.e. too big/ unhealthy meals in childhood) and not just because you're built that way (as losing the weight proves!). And then there are the friends who like having a "fat" friend to make them feel ok... suddenly they might be facing the thought of being your "fat" friend instead!! And then the husbands/ boyfriends who think that if you get too skinny and hot you'll run off with another man...
You can tell I've thought about this a lot! I must admit when I got near goal last time I did let a bit of peer pressure take me off track, with disasterous consequences! Not this time... when I get there!
Good luck with the rest of your journey to a healthy weight, whatever anyone tell you!

Just ignore what people say and do what you feel is right for you.

Thanks for the replies, everyone. Lots of good points in there.... I must admit that the one about seeing someone else change and feeling uncomfortable because it implies you could change yourself but have been telling yourself you can't, that really rings true for me. I have always struggled with other people who were losing weight and refused to join in the general "Oh you look marvellous haven't you done well" conversation, because I guess it felt like their success highlighted my failure. Not all of the people who have said these these things to me are particularly overweight themselves..... but in this society, 99% of women wish they were thinner than they are.

Did you know (I do, because I've researched it) that for women aged 40-59 in the UK, the average BMI is 28? And that the percentage of that group in different BMI categories is as follows:

Underweight: 6%
Healthy: 20%
Overweight: 35%
Obese grade I: 28%
Obese grade II: 10%
Obese grade III: 1%

So I've gone from the heaviest 1% of my demographic to being around the 85% percentile... and where I'm aiming for is about the 20-25th percentile. Maybe, one day...

Since I am not dieting, "keeping going" for me means continuing with my new healthy eating habits (limiting cake, biscuits, chocolate, fry ups etc to occasional treats rather than everyday staples), doing plenty of enjoyable exercise (gym 3x per week for an hour, maybe a long walk or a bike ride once a week, trying to move more in daily life), and listening to my Slimpod. It's hardly a draconian regime.... and to *not* lose any more weight would mean reversing some of the healthy changes I've finally found the ability to make.

So, stuff 'em!

Barbara

Originally Posted by Angelus7

Saggy skin could be an issue though so if you are worried then i'd use some bio oil or cocoa butter to firm up as you lose the pounds!

It is a bit of a concern.... and I started using bio oil about a month ago. The fat that is left on my belly and thighs (of which there is a lot) sort of has a looser texture, as though my skin isn't putting it under tension. From what I read, though, most of the things which influence skin elasticity (age, genetics, how much weight you've had on, for how long, previous sun damage) are utterly beyond my control. It's probably a case of hope for the best without expecting perfection, and just concentrate on the positives (like the fact I can now walk around without pain and without dissolving into a pool of sweat) rather than dwell on the negatives.

Just curious - do you recommend bio oil/coca butter because of personal experience, and are you willing to share?

Barbara

Keep in mind too that skin will take about 6 months to fully finish shrinking after you hit goal, so don't despair right away. And just for the record, I agree with everything LastEverDiet said.

Well done for your loss! Also, one thing I've noticed is how much people's faces change. It sounds silly but when you lose a lot of weight, you really do look different and I think that worries people without them realising why. You go for your healthy goal and ignore them. My friends tel mme to stop but I know I jus look thinner than i really am!

arg! I lost my last post!
I know people who are always on a diet and always restricting. So those not doing that, become concerned.
But there is a a link between health and our looks. Even a kid can point out someone who looks ols and tired. When I had CF, a 4 year old kept asking me why I looked so tired haha. But having all the body needs to clean out toxins in fat cells, it also starts looking younger, even our faces

I have been told I look a lot younger.... completely different.... lovely.... beautiful.

It's nice, and scary, all at the same time. Part of me just wants to be ordinary and unremarkable. I suppose if I stay the same size for long enough, people will get used to it and stop commenting.

Barbara

I've had that issue. I've lost 10st and people ask when I will stop and think I've gone to far. I still need to lose about 2st to actually be at the top of the healthy range.

I think one it us such a large change that you may look thinner then they realize. I just say thanks but I still have a bit to go. And when they ask why I say because I want to do this to be my healthiest not just do it halfway. I ignore most of the comments as its my body not theirs. Especially when they are overweight telling me to stop when they really could do with a little healthy eating themselves.

Tam Xx

Originally Posted by huwiesmummy

I've had that issue. I've lost 10st and people ask when I will stop and think I've gone to far. I still need to lose about 2st to actually be at the top of the healthy range.

I think one it us such a large change that you may look thinner then they realize. I just say thanks but I still have a bit to go. And when they ask why I say because I want to do this to be my healthiest not just do it halfway. I ignore most of the comments as its my body not theirs. Especially when they are overweight telling me to stop when they really could do with a little healthy eating themselves.

Tam Xx

Me too! I've lost seven stone, and people are horrified when I say I need to lose another three - like yours, that's just to get to the top end of the healthy BMI category. I think with me, at 5'8", I carry a few stone extra quite well, but that doesn't make it healthy, lol. xx

Originally Posted by TracyGWill

Me too! I've lost seven stone, and people are horrified when I say I need to lose another three - like yours, that's just to get to the top end of the healthy BMI category. I think with me, at 5'8", I carry a few stone extra quite well, but that doesn't make it healthy, lol. xx

I know! I'm only 5'6" but I mean healthy isn't about how you look but how you feel. I know I'll feel better after I lose 2st I feel amazing already but that isn't going to stop me now that I'm on a roll.