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Thread: Gutted - Friends can be so mean

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    Gutted - Friends can be so mean

    I'm having a bit of a "down" day today. Mainly because I've been quite hungry and craving the wrong foods. Used all my Syns (SW) by about 3 this afternoon.
    Anyway, it got me thinking about what happened the other day...

    I was absolutely over the moon about my first weigh in on Tues. I lost 8lb.

    I met up with a close friend for a coffee a couple of days after and obviously she wouldn't notice the weight loss... half a stone isn't a great difference as much as a stone would be.
    Anyway... she knows I joined Slimming World and she asked how it was going. I told her about my 8lb loss and instead of giving me good feedback, I got a very blunt "you know that's just water weight don't you". At the time, I just agreed but it has played on my mind ever since. I know usually when people diet, they lose the most weight in the first couple of weeks. But I expected more than that from a long term, what I considered "good friend".

    I've always been the bigger of us two, and feel like she just wants to put a downer on the whole thing. I don't know. I just feel hurt by what she said and more to the point, how she said it. I wasn't expecting a parade or anything but "oh thats good" would've been a lot more appropriate, surely.


    I'm just curious has anyone else had this kind of response before or felt like people weren't supportive enough towards your weight loss....how do you actually deal with getting over it?

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    Gutted - Friends can be so mean

    It's the classic saboteur! There are people out there that really don't benefit if you lose weight....
    Sammy

  3. #3
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    I don't understand it though. Surely friends would want you to be happy and more confident...I guess not.

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    I think that it's difficult to say for sure. I don't mean to sound rude about your friend but is it possible that she is a bit of an air head and came out with the comment in all innocence? A true friend would be supportive and offer words of encouragement. If she is someone that you don't want to fall out with I would suggest that the next time you see her you tell her again how much you've lost and see what she says. If you receive another unsupportive reply be honest and tell her that you find her comments unhelpful.

    Whatever you decide to do don't forget that you can always come her for words of encouragement!

    8 lbs is excellent keep up the good work!
    sammyzip50 likes this.
    Daisy D xx

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    Quote Originally Posted by DaisyDixon View Post
    I think that it's difficult to say for sure. I don't mean to sound rude about your friend but is it possible that she is a bit of an air head and came out with the comment in all innocence? A true friend would be supportive and offer words of encouragement. If she is someone that you don't want to fall out with I would suggest that the next time you see her you tell her again how much you've lost and see what she says. If you receive another unsupportive reply be honest and tell her that you find her comments unhelpful.

    Whatever you decide to do don't forget that you can always come her for words of encouragement!

    8 lbs is excellent keep up the good work!
    I completely agree with Daisy, sometimes people really don't think about the impact of what they say.

    I went to work with a group of male colleagues yesterday and when asked by one of them why I was just having water and my reply was "I am dieting" I was bombarded by almost all (with the exception of the guy I work with on a daily basis) basically implying that I will put all the weight back on as soon as I stop and I would do better just being sensible and exercising. If I had the strength to do something like that I would have done it a long time ago!!!!!! I really felt quite defensive about it. I know what I need, I know what works for me and being told those things wasn't helpful. They don't understand my lack of portion control or my lack of resolve to go for a healthy option when a yummier alternative is available. Or at least....that was the old me. I am making steps to improve myself. Doing a food replacement diet so that I can start again with food and learn how to control it not let it control me. Just felt they were wiping their feet all over my efforts. I know that none of them meant to make me feel that way but they did. If it were to happen with a friend I would give them the benifit of the doubt at first but then tell them that isn't supportive (like when anyone tries to encourage me to have a meal off) and they realise and stop.

    Then again there are the jealous ones....they need to be stopped when they even start a conversation about anything diet related :-)

    8lb really is amazing!!!!! You should be proud.
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquatic View Post
    I'm having a bit of a "down" day today. Mainly because I've been quite hungry and craving the wrong foods. Used all my Syns (SW) by about 3 this afternoon.
    Anyway, it got me thinking about what happened the other day...

    I was absolutely over the moon about my first weigh in on Tues. I lost 8lb.

    I met up with a close friend for a coffee a couple of days after and obviously she wouldn't notice the weight loss... half a stone isn't a great difference as much as a stone would be.
    Anyway... she knows I joined Slimming World and she asked how it was going. I told her about my 8lb loss and instead of giving me good feedback, I got a very blunt "you know that's just water weight don't you". At the time, I just agreed but it has played on my mind ever since. I know usually when people diet, they lose the most weight in the first couple of weeks. But I expected more than that from a long term, what I considered "good friend".

    I've always been the bigger of us two, and feel like she just wants to put a downer on the whole thing. I don't know. I just feel hurt by what she said and more to the point, how she said it. I wasn't expecting a parade or anything but "oh thats good" would've been a lot more appropriate, surely.


    I'm just curious has anyone else had this kind of response before or felt like people weren't supportive enough towards your weight loss....how do you actually deal with getting over it?
    You should of said to her ... its all adding up at the end of the day to my count down and that's what does count , and have a huge smile on your face .
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    It's a case of not being supportive or really caring about you to be frank. 8lbs is a fabulous start. Water or fat, it is 8lbs less that you are carrying around. That is an achievement in itself. Keep going. Your hair will become shinier. Your skin clearer. You will feel better inside.
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  8. #8
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    I'm really sorry it hurt your feelings, maybe she genuinely didn't mean it like that? I've got a few friends who are a bit like that, they don't even realise they've said something that makes you feel bad, I've confronted one before and she was really taken aback because she had no idea she was so negative all the time! You know that 8lbs is a great loss, and you know you're going to stick to plan and lose more, so try not to take notice of it, tell her next time you lose, and if she's equally unsupportive, call her out on it. Chances are, if you're her friend you know her well enough to know how she meant to come across - you don't need people who aren't going to support you.
    X

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    Wow you did so well to lose eight pounds! Just over half a stone in one week is amazing. I am very sorry by your friends comments. It sounds like she is not supportive at all. I would keep your journey to yourself as you would not want her to make you feel bad about yourself or ruin things for you.

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    hmmm horrendous she's supposed to be your bloody friend!! 8 pounds is amazing to lose in 1 week well done hun x

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    8lbs in a week? That's amazing love congratulations!

    Maybe she had noticed and was jealous or something? That could be why she gave the response she did, it's a possibility to think of anyway.

    I've had someone be rude to me at work, what annoyed me the most is the fact that she had been doing slimming world as well. She had lost 6lbs in the first week and I think I lost something like 1lb, so she was a bit lordy lordy over me that she had lost more. I'm eating a youghurt and got "well no wonder you didn't loose more weight, eating stuff like that"

    At the end of the day you're doing this for you, and big deal if it's water weight, the next weigh in when you've lost weight you know that week in week out the weight coming off will not be water weight. Then what will she have to say for herself then?! You're doing amazing hun, don't let people get to you or get into your head xxx
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    Definitely jealousy.
    A girl in my friendship group was 13 stone and is now 7 through weight watchers. Some of our friends basically fell out with her because they said she's "annoying now". She really isn't! She was our "fat friend", and now I think other people are worried in case they become the "fat one".
    They needn't worry though because I've taken that role Haa
    xxx

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    Aw, that's a bit nasty! You should be able to count on your friends to congratulate with you when you achieve things you're proud of. Don't let it get you down, well done on the 8lbs and remember, this is just the begining!

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    Aaah 8lbs is amazing, congratulations! Just ignore your friend, whether she's jealous or just doesn't think before she talks. It sucks when your friends aren't supportive (I know from experience), but it's how you find out who your real friends are! Good luck with your weight loss!
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    Ahh shes just jealous!

    Congrats on ur loss!

    Xo

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