Back from hols- hating myself

[hippoellie]

Hi All,
I am back from my hols too like so many and have come back in a really mixed state of mind. First, I cheated on my holiday- I ate a slice of cake one day, had a whole trout on another day and ate cold meat almost every day because I was so hungry all the time. Came back and weighed in and had lost 2lbs- now I am pleased that I still lost weight but furious with myself that I gave in to food, especially as I should know why I did it and be in control of that now.

The hunger seemed to come from not having control over my daily schedule- staying with in-laws (m-in-law was complimentary about my weight-loss which is a miracle!) so they called the shots most of the time- and it was a lovely holiday and they are very nice if a bit stressful, but handing over control of my day to them awakened this massive emotional hunger in me. This need to be in control is something I am very aware of from counselling- but what is the point of being aware of it if I cannot tackle it and manage what it awakens in me? And I know all this is true, cos when I got home on Sunday I was totally back in control of my diet- didn't feel at all hungry and didn't cheat!

Second, I am in a way angry that I lost weight- because now there is going to be a chatterbox in my head saying- go on, you know if you have a bit of meat or cheese you will be fine cos its zero carb- and now I have to re-conquer that chatterbox. Single sourcing is so easy because it gives you that control, and feeds your own determination to succeed. Now this whole area of temptation has opened up again...aaaagh!!

So I feel unable to celebrate my achievements now- e.g. losing weight, am now in the 14 stones for the first time since I was a teenager (and I sure ain't no teenager now), that I am looking good in size 20 clothes now instead of a bit squeezed in, that I am trying on 18s without being embarassed and know that they will fit me soon, and that somehow I have crossed the threshold of people looking at me and seeing 'a fat person' and now see ME first and then might notice that I am a pretty chunky lass. Instead of being boosted by these things I am beating myself up and can't seem to stop.

And now as you can see what I have written I have also turned into a bloomin' whinger to boot!!

Sorry for the moan- I really missed you all so much while I was away and could only log on a couple of times- perhaps the best thing this holiday showed me was that (and I knew this already) Minimins is the BEST SUPPORT NETWORK in the world! and without it I would be totally lost.

Hope you all had a great easter- I need another week off work to catch up with you all- logged on to see over 4000 new posts since I was last here and of course I will read them all!
Kx (whinger)

[Goombagirl]

Just a quick post - I'm in the science museum in Manchester (to see the Dr Who exhibition). Don't beat yourself up - every day is a fresh start and it's good you're so focussed at home. After all that's where you're going to be most of the time! I can identify with the control thing - that's why I put on weight in a big way starting 7 years ago (moved house). I have been staying at my mum's who is an excellent cook and I am programmed to eat when at 'home'. However I am so near goal and management - just a couple of weeks I've managed OK. Don't know how I'd have been a couple of months ago though! It's not a disaster - we all have tricky moments. Look at the big picture (it's getting smaller!). You've achieved a lot and will achieve even more. As you get more into doing thought records you'll be able to cope with difficult situations even better. Before you know it you'll be healthy, normal size and no long a person who overeats. Just keep going!

[SafcGirl31]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Its difficult to stay in control especially when you're out of your own space and not in a routine. In the grand scheme of things what you had was very measured but its time to draw a line under it and move on. Don't sabotage yourself. The big picture is that you've lost a fab amount of weight already and you're moving towards your goal, think about the feeling of getting to 13st something, it will be here before you know it. Take care and treat yourself to something nice like a long bubblebath or a nice walk in the park. Enjoy your time off. xx

[hippoellie]

Thanks you lovely women- your posts are exactly why I love minimins!!
Kx (whinger, but brightening up a bit)

[KD]

I can't believe how little you ate, and what good choices you made!! Fantastic work gal!

You know, knowing why you lose control is only a little bit of the whole picture. It takes time and practice to perfect.

Sounds to me like you used a lot of control on holiday. Okay...so you had a few blips, but think of the times that you didn't!

Single sourcing is so easy because it gives you that control, and feeds your own determination to succeed. Now this whole area of temptation has opened up again...aaaagh!!

Yes, but you're not going to be SSing forever and now you have exerienced a little bit of of the facing food challenge. You've just learnt a bit about another chapter in your journey that you will have to face.

Now you need to get back to that first chapter again 'onto SSing' which it sounds like you have done

So, don't look at it as a fail, instead, call it practicing maintenance.

Did well didn't you

[tenney73]

Hey don't worry you did well to stick to 1 piece of cake I might have been tempted to have abit more and abit more after that. At the end of the day we are all on this new learning curve and are all still only human and there are gonna be times when we may cave a little but the important bit is getting back on track afterwards. Draw a line through your holiday and focus on the now and just remember how much you have allready lost in such a short space of time.

[katie_oxo]

Welcome back and I hope that you had a lovely holiday.

You did really well to stick to eating so little, and let's face it you were away from home, your choices that you could make weren't entirely your own ---- but now you're back again and they will be and you'll continue to do great with SS. Be glad about your weight loss, every little helps

Cath

[SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!]

I really feel for you after reading your post

You did your best and at least you have an idea why you did it even if on this ocassion you felt unable to stop it.

You still have many weeks left on the program, and just think about all the other achievements you have managed to get through with flying colours over the LL program. iIthink sometimes we take these for granted that we should be able to get through them, when in fact they may of been something in the past that proved quite difficult. Then when we fall of the wagon we punish ourselves far too much.

At least you should take comfort in still managing to loose some weight, although we have all been there when we feel we don't quite deserve it.

In terms of your crooked thoughts..... let me tell them once and for all that you only got away with it this time because you have tried so hard over the previous weeks. I will also tell you thoughts that my LLC has been very strict with one of her groups who have taken to eating on a fairly regular basis!!!!

they are no longer in ketosis and even started to put on weight. THEY ARE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH IT!!!!!!

Don't let this blip ruin your hard earned weight loss. Even if you ate, you still had less than would normally, and you and you alone are allowed to succeed.

Take Care,

and I hope I have sufficiently put the fright up your crooked thoughts

Sam xxx

[hippoellie]

Dear All- thank you for your lovely and inspirational messages- feeling much better and more positive and have just treated myself to an infra-red sauna at my health club- it was free too! So feelong relaxed and ready to do this diet the right way! to you all!
K (not whingine any more!)x

[Tasty Tracey]

Dear All- thank you for your lovely and inspirational messages- feeling much better and more positive and have just treated myself to an infra-red sauna at my health club- it was free too! So feelong relaxed and ready to do this diet the right way! to you all!
K (not whingine any more!)x

Sounds like you are feeling better, just put your bad thoughts of you hols behind you now, just good memories, and because you know you "cheated" only you can get you back on track which it sounds like you already have,well done for you weight loss, keep your chin up