Week 18 update and Friday nights...

[Cerulean]

I ate all of my food by about 3pm today. I've come home to a quiet and miserable Friday night with nothing to do and no plans. Its so greay and dreary I don't want to go for a walk. I've had a busy busy week and I'm hitting one of those patches where I think about what I used to do in the old days before LL. I would have dealt with this lonely, dull feeling by having a big savoury binge. I was going to go to the cinema across the road in 20 minutes as a diversion but I don't think I can stand to smell the popcorn.

I am tying to get to the bottom of why I feel like this. Wondering why I can't seem to get off my arse and do any of the things I'm sure I'd rather be doing than hiding under my duvet with a laptop. Don't get me wrong, I am pleased with myself that no matter what happens tonight, I won't be eating my way out of it. I suppose for now I should learn to just be content with that - we can work on a happier way to spend my Friday nights. One thing at a time!

This week has been annoying as out of 4 working days, work has provided lunch 3 times. Normally this would have scuppered every diet I've ever done before, but I haven't ben tempted once. Yesterday's lunch was hard to avoid though as I was on community service (our work sends us off to do this one day a year) and the lunch is provided by the charity. My team leader was quite insistent that we should eat as we had been doing hard manual labour for 4 hours. Also we had no access to water where we were and our bags were locked away a mile from where we were working and asking to go back to get water would have seemed like making a fuss, so I got dehydrated and dizzy which made it seem even weirder that I was making out that I wasn't hungry.

Of course I didn't eat, and it was an unusual situation to be in and I got through it, and I know that I only have less than 12 weeks to go until I never have to do this again. If I do this properly I will never have to go through a day like yesterday again.

On a positive note, I am officially a 36DD this week - Hurrah!

[Mrs Lard]

Hi Sarah

Well done on being a very foxy bra size!!

I know what you mean about Friday night; I've just come in from work, my husband has asked me to order him a curry (he's on his way home) and I am feeling really tired but felt I couldn't just go to bed. There are also far too many chores to do; I did some but..., in the end, I am lying on my bed and using my laptop and ... relaxing. And I do feel better for having stopped.

The one thing I have really noticed on LL is how much tiredness affects me and I wonder if you aren't just completely done in, particularly after yesterday's marathon effort with the charity?

How about a lovely relaxing bath and an early night? This works for me, a lot, and in the past I would have joined in with a curry and eaten far too much instead of realising that I needed to go to bed/relax.

Also, perhaps give the thought records a go - as you want to resolve why you feel a certain way - I've just started doing them but they seem to help.

Wishing you a lovely Friday night, pamper yourself and be thoroughly proud of staying on tracking during a very testing week.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxxx

[Cerulean]

Thanks for your reply and the suggestion of the thought record - I really don't do them at all (I had a bad experience with CBT about 5 years ago and I really react to some of the LL exercises and that's one of them) but I will have a go this weekend as you're right - I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I need to to get through this.

I don't think it's tiredness - I often do very long walks and rides and I work hard at yoga and I work long hours - if anything I am less tired than ever. I always seem to get very grumpy at weekends even though I look forward to them all week. I think I'm still mourning the loss of alcohol even though I used to curse my Saturday hangovers.

I've just had a nice long bath. I live alone so I spoil myself all the time. This might seem like heaven to some people - but really I'm so spoilt I don't know I'm born sometimes