Husbands Attitude

[Mrs Pink]

I cannot work my OH out AT ALL! One minute he is saying how he'd love me to be slim and wear sexy undies, and he worries about my health, the next he is saying he loves me as I am and I shouldnt lose any weight! Sometimes he encourages me and sometimes he is almost trying to sabotage me by buying food he knows only I love!
The most annoying thing he says however is "you don't need to diet you just need to do more exercise" - I'd need to go at it like a bloody OLYMPIC ATHLETE to lose what I have to lose without dieting!! This, as you can imagine, is the cause of some (shall we say) "heated discussions"
Anyone else have a crazy mixed up OH?!?!

[In search of me]

Havent got one at all so unable to relate but huge huge for you! He possibly is worried that you may run off wih someone ese when you get all slim but conflicting with his own desire to see you in something yummy from Ann Summers! Can you sit down & have a proper chat about it when both of you are calm & reassure him that you love him! Possibly hes just feeling wobbly with the changes!

[Mrs Pink]

Thanks ISOM I think you've hit the nail on the head....

[flirty40greeneyes]

Oh porr Mr Pink! I know Mr Flirty feels sorry for me when I'm SS-ing because he feels i'm losing out - and use to try and ask me if I wanted to share whatever he was having. Now he is more supportive - but I sometimes get the conflicting - why are you eating ??? (something i really shouldn't be!!!) and then another time he'll try to persuade me to eat if we're going to a BBQ or a meal at someone's house (and I'm in a rare - be good mood!!)

And they say we are complex???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[katie_oxo]

Yep I sometimes think that they can't do right for doing wrong. They tell you they love you as you are because they do and yes they do want you to change both for them and more importantly for you ... so really they just want you and they want you happy with it so they'll occasionally try and give you something you shouldn't have so that you're not constantly missing out.

Tell you what, it seems to me that it's easier doing this diet than it is loving and supporting someone who's doing it

Cath

[Mini]

My own husband was very confusing before when I use to try and diet and within a week or even a few days would arrive home with chocolate...

Very nice of him but it only ever happened when I started a diet

[Brad0053]

It could be something simple and subconscious (I hasten to add) as feeling vulnerable that you may change more about your life than just your physical self. Just a thought.

[Mini]

Originally Posted by Brad0053
It could be something simple and subconscious (I hasten to add) as feeling vulnerable that you may change more about your life than just your physical self. Just a thought.

I think you have something there alright

[jane]

I agree with everyones posts above.Any/all can be part of what poor Mr pink is feeling.
Mine was happy for me to do CD though not really aware of how it works,but within a few weeks started saying 'don't lose too much' & I was still morbidly obese!
i told him this & he retorted that 'you don't want to believe those charts they're invented by the slimming industry to make you think you're fat' or similar.
He's much more relaxed about it now & has even started calling me mini-me & hugging me when I walk past him.

I think they (H's) are in a v difficult position.They can't encourage weight loss too much, or it sounds like they don't like you as you are.
On the other hand, hey feel insecure that you are unhappy as things are in case the unhappiness is wider than just your own body.

Also there are all sorts of power/control/sexual under-currents that go with this.I think we must accept that weight loss of any significance has ,even if only temporarily, an effect on relationships all around us.they just need time & space to readjust.

ther are plenty of examples of other people & their other halves having 'sticky moments' during he diet posted all over this forum.
My feeling is that if the relationship is sound the diet doesn't upset it.If it's bandaged up with elastoplast then the changes brought on by the diet can expose the cracks.

Also you've only just started.Get into a rhythm with th CD, feel good, look good, be cheerful, glow with health & energy & he'll relax & enjoy it too. If mine can convert to feeling happy with it, then anyone's can .

As ISOM said be calm ,talk, etc.

Sorry for the long pompous post ..it just happens..didn't mean to

[Eileen]

hi Jane i think your post is spot on, you have said all the things i would have.

[Mrs Pink]

yeah thanks Jane good advice
Mrs P

[fatpossum]

Mine presents with a high level of indifference and eventhough I am disappearing before his eyes he still marks comments like "you'll never be skinny" ... "some people are not made to be slim" or remarks that he and I are both bigger now than we used to me!!!!! This drives me absolutly MAD because it's not true and I am in fact smaller now than I was when he married me!!!!

To be fair to him he has never ever made me feel bad about my body but now that I am beginning to look gooooooood! I'd like some appreciation or at least some recognition.

But this doen't affect my resolve - my children all comment on how good I look now and so do friends and I can live with his "views". He's wonderful really

[jane]

i think I'm with you on this.indifference I can cope with (& mine went through a phase of it..or gave the impression of being so) it's antagonism,undermining & attempts at sabotage that are so hard to ride through.

Poor men they have a lot of adjusting to do & no-one evn thought to ask them if they wanted to join the journey.

[AmandaJayne]

Hia Mrs Pink,

I love your Mr Hardy by the way, I just adore Laurel and Hardy and just seeing his picture makes me smile.

I do sympathise with the both of you. I am assuming that this is not the first diet you've done and, with the obvious quick results you have had so far (well done by the way), he is feeling a bit vulnerable and maybe threatened by the fact that this weighloss programme seems to be working far too well!

All you can do is reassure him that you will change physically but that your relationship can only improve if you feel fitter and healthy.

My hubby learned to be very careful to make positive comments, if he made any at all, about my 'health'. He knew that it was a minefield and very dangerous if he said the 'wrong' thing.

I really appreciate it because I know he knows how much it upsets me if he says that 'wrong' thing.

Nowadays, he is seeing a lot of benefits to me losing the weight successfully and being able (so far) to keep it off. Not least, lots more activity (!) in the bedroom, and more confidence in other areas of my life too. Additionally, the rest of the family is seeing benefits because my outlook is so much more positive and I able to live life rather than spectate (or just exist).