I'm back!

[Tiger Girl]

Hello lovely Mini's

Back from my endless work trip overseas and a whole load of highs and lows and mental acrobatics have taken place!

Haven't had a WI for 3 weeks and no idea where I am to be honest. Due to the circs of where I was and what I was doing and the crazy hours and logistics - you're just going to have to trust me on this one! - I ended up finally breaking my official 'Golden Period' of complete abstinence on Day 156. Had to have real food for almost 3 days, then 2 days back on packs then another 2 days on real food. I'm just not sure there is enough space on this thread to fully explain what it was like, so I won't. But the aftermath has thrown me massively.

I'm hanging on in there on a day by day basis - just. I've got some mixed feelings about what I'm doing, when I'm going to be done and sticking with it. Also, my hair is faling out in a big way. I thought this didn't happen until you were back on food? And it was definitely happening before I had any real food, but surely after only 2 very short stints back on real food it shouldn't be happening at such a scary rate? Any thoughts on this?

So, all in all it's a very mixed up time. I was so proud of my abstinence record and now the halo has slipped. I'm not massively beating myself up over it, the circumstances were really out of my control, but overall this final stretch is just proving way more difficult than I'd ever imagined, bearing in mind the 2+ st I've got to lose, I didnt imagine feeling like this until I had a stone left to go.

I've exhausted myself with thinking about the whole thing. I'm totally knackered.


Other than that, I'm pleased to be back and catching up on everyone's posts

[silhouettes]

welcome back, it sounds as though you had it really tough while you were away. Congratulations on being able to stick to the packs at least some of the time.
I'm sure now you are back in your normal routine it will be easier to focus on the diet again and get back on track.
Don't beat yourself up about it,

sil

[Mrs Lard]

Welcome Back, lovely Tiger Girl!

Wondered where you had gone; your posts cheer me up - I find your determination inspirational, particularly your gym activities (still not ventured in - time not laziness being the issue)!

Anyway, travelling IS hard - routine out of sinc', etc. Definitely DO NOT beat yourself up; I bet you've learnt a few things in the process and, in the longer term, that will help you. After all, this is just the beginning (however long it takes!) of the rest of our lives...with food!

While you've been away, many of us - particularly those of us in Development - have been struggling. Check out Cerulean's posts and she and I also had a deep exchange about the tipping point between Development and Management. I think you might find it helpful - forget the numbers - just the sentiment. Sorry, don't know how to find stuff on here and post it somewhere else...doh!

To be honest, I am at that very dangerous point when I could just give up (Development) so I am coming on here daily - I find blogging and coming on here keeps me on the straight(er) and narrow.

Welcome back! You are SO nearly there!

Big kiss.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Tiger Girl]

Thanks Mrs L

I so know what you mean about Development and Management. Development has been horrible. Really horrible. Slow losses, no meetings with a group (cant make the times of the D.classes work for me, so I'm on weekly pop ins) and total and utter boredom and dislike for ALL of the packs.
It could not have been a worse time to have slipped from the Golden Period.

I'll try and hunt out the posts you've mentioned. Whilst I made some good choices when on food last week I also made some bad ones - this made me think, 'just get yourself into management' But I know it's too early. I almost feel like I'm not celebrating the loss, instead I'm just finding it a complete slog to get finished. Yo-yo'ing around the 'it's only a matter of maybe 2 months now' to 'I can't bear another day of this'

Oh it's just all very confusing. There's a saying "confusion is the pre-cursor to significant learning", which basically means don't get scared of feeling confused it means you're about to learn something new/have a major breakthrough! Well it had better come along bloody quickly! In the meantime, I'm back on the packs. Have 'picked' at a biscuit this week in a meeting - ? I've NEVER picked at all since the very start so what's all that about?? Other than that, I've been back on packs all week but the mental strength is moving from 'totally invincible' to 'no more - feed me feed me!' And sometimes in the spectacularly short time frame of about 5 minutes!!!
Like I said, I'm knackered!!
xxx

[Mini]

Hi Tiger Girl,

Sounds like you have had a hectic busy life

I've exhausted myself with thinking about the whole thing. I'm totally knackered.

Nice to see you back...your nearly there, give yourself a rest and you will be back in the saddle

[Tiger Girl]

Thanks Mini
It's fantastic to be back. Really appreciate the support from all on the board. I'm getting through it - just!

[Tiger Girl]

...and thanks for your lovely post Sil! Just realised I didn't mention in previous post. Bad board etiquette from TG

[In search of me]

Welcome back & hang in there! We will do it!!