The Highs and Lows of Development

[Cerulean]

Well at this rate Mrs L, I'm close to re-designing the entire Development phase myself! Hmmm...not sure they could afford my fee though - he-he-he...
x

How funny! And appallingly true. I wish I could tell you some of the things my LLC tells me

[Helen]

Wow, just read everything else thats been posted whilst I was thinking of what to put in mine. What fantastic ideas Cerulean, certainly the £66 could be reduced in some way as we don't really get anything now either in the classes or to take home.

In the case of someone like Sez (Hi!) who has such a thoughtful counsellor then maybe the £66 is still worth it but I certainly feel shortchanged at the moment.

[Mrs Lard]

Hi Helen

Can't sleep, won't sleep so am...back on minis! If it is any help, I have done some thought records on my blog and I know Cerulean has on hers.

My take on thought records is that they are there to reveal FEELINGS! And boredom is definitely a feeling - probably masking something else, I would guess. My thought records have tended to be pretty heavy but then that's because I do them in moments of complete crisis. I seem to remember one was prompted by eating crisps and it turned out it was something totally and utterly unrelated. But that's why they are powerful tools. If it helps, share the thought record - either on here or onene. Another thought record - a Starbucks moment - was about feeling incredibly lonely. That thought (of being lonely) was the last thing on my mind as I queued up!!

The key thing to remember is that a thought record is never wrong - they are your thoughts (well, that's what I believe)!

Your LLC situation sounds quite...challenging! No wonder you are nervous.

I will definitely start hunting and encourage anyone else to do the same (for Development stuff).

Cerulean - more things to think about and some great ideas!!!

Onwards to victory!

Mrs L xxxxxxxxx

[Mrs Lard]

Here's a Development Thread I made earlier ...

(after the first Development session):

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...nt-expect.html (Development Feels Scary - which I didn't expect!)

[Mrs Lard]

Chipageddon (thanks to Cerulean)

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...week-26-a.html (Well - I'm back and what a week - week 26)

[Mrs Lard]

More Development "stuff" thanks to Sandra

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...ast-night.html (Strange comment in developers last night...)

I'll keep digging to find some more threads xxxx

[Mrs Lard]

Loose Skin - will LL address this issue officially?! Definitely one for Development, I think...

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...lace-help.html (Loose Skin - but in the wrong place. Help!)

[Mrs Lard]

Development Dilemmas ...

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...anagement.html (Just how much body fat can you ultimately lose? Development/Management)

[Mrs Lard]

Essential Reading - AJ's Management and Maintenance Diaries (LONG due to lots of posts but so, so, so informative) and Betty Boo's Management Diary. They're important because there are some useful Development lessons within them. (But they essential for any LLer, I think)

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...t-journey.html

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...-part-1-a.html (AJs Maintenance Journey Part 1)

http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life...t-journey.html (Betty Boo Management Journey)

[Helen]

Wow, you really couldn't sleep could you! Will have a look at these threads later, thanks very much for taking the time to put them down here.

I think my boredom was actually covering loneliness too. Although I like it when DH is away and DD is in bed it isn't helpful when I need someone to talk to. The other day DH told me he would count the chocolate biscuits when he got up and if I had eaten any he would be very disappointed. I think he can read my mind, its spooky! Anyway I didnt eat one but I would have if he hadn't said this. When he isn't there I don't have that extra bit of discipline and can basically do what I want with no fear of being discovered. He is getting better at discussing my issues with me too and it does make a difference.

I will post my next thought record on here if no-one minds. I know there isn't technically such a thing as a wrong one BUT the feedback will be useful ie have I taken it far enough, I obviously didn't with the last one I did as I have only just analysed it.

I am meeting a friend at 1pm who emigrated to Australia last year. I haven't told her I am on a diet and the last time she saw me I was 18 stone 6 (on my scales), today I am 12 stone 1/2lb (again on my scales) so I am hoping she will have quite a lot to say about it!

Thanks MrsL

[SandraEG]

Thanks for starting the thread.

I have seriously struggled lately and since I started development 5 weeks ago I have lost 9 lbs and put on twice. My own fault and I am not trying to shift the blame but I feel abandoned.

The 3 of us who went into development from our foundation group joined an existing development group and, since then the original ones have just stopped coming. I don't know if it is us joining the group or they have just been coincidentally busy. The last 2 weeks it has just been the 3 of us. Which would have been okay but the other 2 have now started management (they are coming to the developers group because the management night doesn't suit them). I am totally on my own - struggling and have more than 6 stone to go...

I am determined to succeed but I feel pretty isolated right now. (This online support is good but doesn't always hit the spot with me.)

I am holding onto the fact that a friend at work has decided to join and starts this week. With a new and focused friend I might be able to drag myself back onto the wagon...

[In search of me]

Hi all & hugs! Its tough going post 100 days! I culd have chopped of a collegues arm for her toast this am and NEARLY had a bit but resisted! Feeling very tired which is always a trigger for me; also quite a tough/long day in work so all in all very happy its Friday! Watching BB & chilling! Cant be arsed to do nails or anything & dotty cat is assisting by lying on my left arm! Despite having been born here, lived with her mummy sister & me forever she is a very needy cat & sometimes cant get close enough!
I agree that LL realy need to look at development & I think the money they charge for a lesser service on all counts is quite shocking really. This is also psychologically the most testing time because you get the end of 100 days & then ...oh great...more of the same! Plus people are noticing/commeting more (something LL dont address - or the increased male attention!) and this can lull you into a false sence of security. No a definate fall down there and the scrapbook is a joke - why so big & so cheap & thin looking?! Anyway, survived another day....tummy getting very odd shape (hanging!) & go to bed pooped but satisfied. Hang in there girls WE CAN DO IT!

[Cerulean]

I’ve had a big old think about this and then it struck me – we are in something called ‘development’ which is a very vague term and I don’t think LL have actually made the best of what can be a very enlightening period. (Let’s not look at the grinding agonies right now, shall we?)

Stage 1: Using the camera and taking all the pictures - Foundation
This is Foundation – you’re out there – you’re figuing out how it works you doing things, you know you have to take 36 pictures to complete the roll – it’s finite, you know how long it is…until you hit the final frame and you have to go…

Stage 2: Into the darkroom - Development

Imagine you had just gone out and shot your first roll of film. You’ve learnt how to handle a camera, you’ve tried different styles of photography, you’ve got out there and done something and now you have a roll of film. Some people get to hand their roll in at the chemists, but you’ve decided to make your own negatives and print your own pictures so that you can understand photography better (can you see where I’m going with this?)

Let’s look at development not as a punishment, but an opportunity to revisit all the lessons we learned whilst we were out there in foundation. We may need to revisit some of the practices and ideas more than once, but take confidence and comfort in the well researched fact that bad habits take approximately 90 days to break – so we should have pretty much cracked some of our addictive behaviour – of course we haven’t eradicated it, but we have implemented control.

When you develop negatives you are creating the blueprint for your future prints – whatever you do here will be the foundation for what your prints (or end result) comes out like. If you rush it, or open the door too soon or get the chemical processing wrong, you’ll risk wiping the negs and you’ll have to go out and take more photos. Development is very much like this in that you have to stick to the rules – in a darkroom neg processing happens in total darkness. You also have to follow the formulas precisely – no cheating to get the tried and tested results! You may want to revisit the basic principles at this point – reread the pamphlet – you’d be amazed at how many people completely ignore the fact that they are supposed to be walking 10000 steps a day (approx 4-500 calories a day). That is equivalent to just under a 1lb fat loss each week – if you’re only walking 5000 steps – over 20 weeks you’ve missed out on about 9 lbs – that’s another 3 weeks on the plan! Some people start nibbling on protein or using milk – I’m not making any judgement calls or naming any names here, but the idea behind abstinence is just that – you are not here to eat and you are trying to kick an addiction so you have to sit with the pain and observe why you are feeling ‘need’ and not try to numb it with any sort of nibbling. Stick to the rules and your negatives will be clear and sharp!

• The darkroom is a scary place, during the first steps you sometimes have to work in the dark and alone with the doors shut. Trust the process, it works
• When in doubt, stick to the rules – the answers have already been given to you and you have used them successfully in foundation – you might think you have mastered something, but development teaches you what you need to go back and do more work on. This is the most important part of your journey – if you do the necessary work here, you will maintain.

Stage 3: Deciding on your print size and focusing

I suppose this is the goal setting part. The great thing about developing your own photos is that you can decide how big they are, what bits to crop out – you can even get a little creative and make the edges fuzzy or use silhouettes and cut outs if you want. The important thing when making a print is focusing – you have to focus the image precisely on the paper so that the image is sharp and clean and looks the way you want it to. You need to visualise what you want and keep it very sharp and right at the front of your mind. If you are unclear about numbers or sizes – think about what you want to do – a dream – one of the dreams I had through development was getting to an acceptable weight to ride one of the Hyde Park stables horses – I haven’t done it yet, but I got to the goal because I visualised it and saw it sharply. I also knew I wanted to get into a particular dress I had had my eye on since January. I never suspected that not only would it still be available in July, but that it would be at a sale price – I’m slightly too big for it now – but I pushed the boundaries and have decided that I am not going to stop abstinence until that baby fits me perfectly. It is the goal and the investment in myself that is making me stick to my guns at this stage. My image is sharply focused on the paper. It has become clearer and clearer as I have got closer to management to the degree that I am actually going to a top London hair salon I always felt too fat to deserve before and then I am going to try on the size medium Vivienne Westwood dress tomorrow and if it fits, wear it to my photoshoot. If I have that picture in my hand I can review it – assess how I feel about my body image right now, refocus and make sure I have my goals firmly set for the endgame.

If you do not know what your goals should be, start with what you want and then see if you can determine a rough weight or BMI or dress size that would make that happen. Whether it’s a pair of 28 inch waist jeans (jeans that you buy by waist size – remember them?!) or a pair of thigh high boots or you’ve always wanted a handmade corset or just to know that you can try on a size 12 in any shop without worrying about having to whisper ‘can I try this in a 14?’

Whatever makes you grit your teeth and roll up your sleeves and get on with it is your focus point. Mine is fashion (although it does run a bit deeper than that I promise – I always held my career back because I believed that I needed to look good to succeed in the arts – and it turns out that I now have that confidence and openness to succeed – it’s not just the vanity aspect, the fact that I have cracked a major conundrum through sheer guts and determination and perseverance counts for so much more than the pounds and inches lost) – you might have a more meaningful, personal purpose than being a dress size – you may want to be fit for your children or you may want to be slim enough to go potholing – look for your dream – your true north on your personal compass – what will you be saying about yours life and what you enjoyed most when you are 80 years old?

Set your goals. Find a quiet place inside you and breathe and ask yourself what you really want. Write lists of what you love and who you are and what makes you happy. You can ask for anything – if you were your best friend, what would you give ‘you’ as a present at this stage.

I sort of see the next phase as being management as it’s all about the vision becoming a reality but parts of it apply to the development process too.

Step 4: Exposure

I’ll keep this one brief as it’s a bit of a technical anaology, but once you have focused the image, you have to expose the paper to the light – this is all a question of timing. Exposure can be tricky – it can damage the image – getting it wrong can make the print look terrible – you can over or under expose – but the great thing about it is that at this stage you can try it in lots of different ways until you get it right. It can make you feel vulnerable because you finally begin to get an idea of what your print will look like.

• Decide what you want
• When you have decided make the image as sharp and as clear as you possible can

Remember, if you get the exposure wrong and your print doesn’t turn out the way you want it to, you can always redo this step, in photography and in life – just reset the goals get a new piece of paper and start again.

Stage 4: Developing – The patience to let it dry and handling the print carefully

So once you’ve put the paper through the various chemicals and hung it out to dry, you have to be patient with it whilst all the processing you’ve put it through takes effect – you can’t rush the stages or you’ll get blurs and streaks. If something annoys you or makes you impatient with yourself or the diet, breathe and slow down – have patience with yourself and others and what you are putting yourself through.

• Follow the tried and tested processes
• Don’t rush it
• Handle yourself carefully (look after yourself well)

Step 5: Displaying your work

Choices, choices! How do you want to frame your final picture? A big gilt edged one? A nice minimalist but chic glass frame – this is all your choice. This is all about how you decide to display the new you – decide on what the new package is – maybe look at rebranding yourself! At this stage you can start to say to yourself and the world what you believe you truly are. You can begin to project what you want to be. One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was from an MD at a major investment bank – her performance reviews always said that she wasn’t strong enough and she thought to herself ‘I’m a black, female Harvard MBA – I couldn’t have got to where I am today without being strong’ so she decided to start using the word ‘strong’ to describer herself. When she would speak in meetings she would begin her comments with ‘Well, as a strong person…’ and within a year all of her appraisals came back with compliments about what a strong person she was. She had changed nothing about her working style, she had merely repackaged herself by positive reinforcement! Make sure you keep dusting your frame and keep the glass clean – take care of your masterpiece!

• The finishing point – recognise that you have finished and achieved. Maybe buy yourself a small locket and have it engraved with the date you hit your goal or a personal message. Maybe write yourself a certificate with the date you hit your goal – maybe ask a couple of close friends to write you a letter or congratulatory card that you can have as a keepsake.
• Decide how you want to be from this day forward – realise that you have the choice to be exactly who you want to be and that you are in the driving seat of your life from now on.

Awards and rewards – to the victor the spoils!
I have been thinking about this long and hard and suddenly a strange strange answer came to me…I think that my achievements on this programme have been huge – and I remembered how at speech day at school I would usually walk away with some sort of trophy for speaking or writing or drama. What if I awarded myself a trophy for my amazing achievement this year? I could have it engraved with a personal message or quote to myself and keep it on display with a picture of me at goal. I really want to celebrate one of the greatest successes of my life as gloriously as I possibly can. If I hit a goal, I should reward myself in a way that excites the inner child in me. My inner child loved trophies and medals and prizes for achievements. I don’t get nearly enough of that these days. The trophy, although a tad cheesy, would be a great stroke! (although something tells me that something gorgeous engraved from Tiffany would be interesting too!)

What do we do after we’ve won? – Get out there and take more pictures!

Now you’ve achieved this, what are you going to do next? You are now a successful person – and success breeds more success. Can you let that filter through into the other parts of your life? Is there anything else you can change in a similar way? Any other project you always dreamed of doing but couldn’t because you lacked the confidence or thought you were physically incapable of doing it – or was there anything you were putting off until you dealt with the more important project of getting to be slim? Or do you need a rest?

And don’t forget that the principles you’ve learned need to be carried around with you for the rest of your life – you are a success and you can easily maintain that success using the little toolbox full of lessons and tricks and ideas that you’ve lovingly assembled over the last few months.

[Sez]

Cerulean, thank you. Your analogy is just perfect and one I am going to print out and re-read when the need arises.

Fab! Looking fwd to your book, it will be a great read!

[Helen]

Excellent, thanks. I have printed it out also

BTW saw my friend from Australia yesterday. Her reaction was great - She opened the door and screamed when she saw me, she kept saying "youre half the person you were" and that she couldn't stop looking at me. She kept hugging me too and said how worried she had been about me.

Was worth doing just for that reaction!