When food returns - that invisible force field in front of my mouth

[Dancing]

Just needed to write my thoughts down

Have just been reading others threads about their plans over Christmas. I will have done over 100 days of complete abstinance by Christmas and will still have just under 3 stone to lose at that time so I have decided I will have protein and veg for a couple of days along with my packs and then return totally to food packs and get the last bit of weight off.

Although I'm happy with this decision it also is obviously a concern as I've been having dreams about failing in my attempt to return to 100% no food. I guess that comes from reading so many posts from others on how difficult they have found it after having a break - there aren't enough posts from those who have done it successfully on here. Is that because there aren't many success stories or because people aren't sharing that fact?

Anyway, having just read TigerGirl's last few posts on her thread about what people will be doing at Christmas I realised that when I think seriously about physically eating again the image I end up getting is me trying to get the food to my mouth but my hand kind of being repelled by some invisible force field and if I manage to get through that force field then I'm reluctantly nibbling at food I've been looking forward to eating.

Maybe I won't eat on Christmas Day, maybe I will. Perhaps by giving myself permission I've taken away a chance to eat rebelliously and so there is no need? I don't know. I'm a little concerned that I'll be filled with guilt when ever it is that I start eating again. And I love food. And one of the comments people make is that I should be sensible not to develop anoerexia or anything on this diet. I've always thought, and said to them, No way, I love food. But could it happen?

I guess there are good threads out there on Route to Management that I need to be reading and people have already discussed this type of thing but on such a busy board I have been dipping in and out of the threads of those that have been before me on the jorney and don't get to read every post in a thread.

If anyone feels inclined to respond to this thread with their experiences of the invisible force field, I'd appreciate it. Even if it is just posting a couple of relevant links.

thanks

[Zomble]

I don't know about the 'force field', but maybe you are conflicted about the idea of breaking abstinence before you have reached your goal. Do you worry that once you're back 'on food' you might go mad and scoff everything in sight, and so you'll have to have yourself under tight control all the time, and of course that might not work..?

My daughter was anorexic for about three years, and I would say that there is a lot more to it than food - you have to be extremely unhappy in all areas of your life, and feel worthless, cut off from people and totally out of control (which may be what you are fearing). But you know from so many people here that RtM introduces food in a very gradual way, so that you are very much aware of what you are doing and how the foods affect you - in fact, the system is giving you control over how you nourish yourself.

If you imagine yourself eating at Christmas, and then eating at your goal weight, are the feelings the same? If not, it may be a guilty response to breaking abstinence, in which case, (in your adult mode!) you have to take a big decision about whether it's worth it to eat at Christmas, and who you're doing it for. If the feelings are the same, you may have more of a problem - in other words, what is happening in the rest of your life which is making you so unhappy or out of control that power over food is becoming overly important? It is only food, after all, only a little bit of our lives, and if it becomes a monster that is a warning sign that other things are out of perspective.

This dieting lark is more than a food journey, isn't it? We all have our own reasons for being overweight, and now (why now?) wanting to be slim (what do we want to be slim for?). I guess for many of us the weight is a symptom of something else, and once the weight has gone, we still have to deal with the cause(s) - which may be much trickier than the weight... But if you have good relationships, a fulfilling life and some hopes/ambitions for the future, then you can keep food in its proper place, control it most of the time and not worry about the odd lapse. Enjoy this wisdom from me, who hasn't even reached goal yet!!!

I'm sorry this has turned into a bit of a ramble, but anorexia is such a terrible thing that you're very wise to think about it. On the other hand, people do say the stupidest things to us just because we're losing weight fast - it's a bit like being pregnant, you suddenly seem to become public property. Mind your own business!

[chris2904]

I had a big family event during development and had been totally abstinent up to that point, in fact I was still agonising over whether or not I would eat on the way to the do. In the end I decided to eat chicken and green salad but also ended up having pudding too (my eyes always have been bigger than my belly!) but I consciously made the decision that it was a one off and that I would get straight back on the packs as soon as I got home, which I did and managed to remain abstinent for the rest of my time on development.
I think a lot of it is about state of mind and setting yourself boundaries. For me it was a conscious decision to eat for one meal only, I think that the longer you eat, the more difficult it will be to get back into just having the packs, especially of you have woolly boundaries around this e.g. i'll eat for a couple of days - how long is 'a couple'? how will you know when your permitted period is up?
I'm now in RTM and should be able to eat relatively normally for my Xmas dinner, but I'm under no illusions that it won't be difficult to control myself around all the unhealthy snacks that will be available.

Good luck with whatever you choose

[Dancing]

thanks to you both for your replies ... I'm going to think about what you have written so I can try determine where my head is. I'll let you know what I work out.

Thanks

[Blonde Logic]

Hi Dancing

Thats a tough one. I know what you mean about being able to get right back on, 100%. Personally, if it were me, I think I would have to abstain. I have an incredibly addictive personality. Do somethng one day - I will probably do it the next, and the next....and so on. But, it would be realy hard to be around all the family watching them eat too, and of course there would be the comments and the concern if ou didn't eat.

I don't envy the decision and am relieved I am waiting until January to start.

You are all very brave!!!

Good luck with whatever you decide. Just do waht feels right in your heart.

[judyboots]

Hi there Dancing,

I think I know how you feel. My test came at the end of last week when a small group of work colleagues and I were taken out to dinner by the boss. My boss has been very supportive since she found out about the diet and I was honest with her and said I may get there and not eat anything. I was being the 'Adult' and going to make the decision on the day, at the table. I felt in control because whatever decision I made was mine. In the end I did have some protein to eat but that is where it backfired...Not long after we'd had coffee, I began to feel lightheaded. Excused myself to the bathroom, tried to calm myself down, and stop myself from overheating (that's overheating, not overeating!). I panic in these situations, so I excused myself from dinner and decided to set off for home. Disaster, only got halfway from Glasgow to Stirling and had to phone for my poor mum to get a taxi out to me and drive me the rest of the way home.
Now, reading this, you will get the viewpoint which my work colleagues will probably have. My ears were burning on the way home...'Oh, look how quickly she's lost the weight, and the minute she eats anything, she's off to the toilet, then makes her excuses to leave.' I am waiting on the little hints being dropped when I return to work tomorrow.
Even mum asked if she thought I'd panicked because I'd eaten something. The conscious answer is no, but I did think, what if it is a subconscious response to the food. I'd like to think that now I have the most healthy attitude towards food that I've had in a long time, and I believe that my lightheaded-ness was caused by my own stupidity. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast and had been out of work on another project for longer than expected and hadn't the option of consuming enough water. Didn't drink enough water at the table either. So I know why I felt like I did...but the 'image' created to others by this incident will take time to erradicate.
What I'd like to say Dancing, is that I had no problem moving back to abstinance, though it was only one piece of protein. I remain in ketosis and the scales have continued to go down. Don't underestimate the will power you have in just sticking to this diet. Not every dieter would find it easy and you have done so well thus far, it would be against the grain for you to not go back on LL whatever you decide to do at Christmas. Don't underestimate the strength you have gained through the counselling and your time on this diet...and that works both ways, for keeping consumption to the level, neither over or under.
I have a few nights out/weekends away over the festive month and the only decision I've made is to focus on the day after where I will be back on food-packs. In line with LL, I 'could' stay abstinent which I would like to but I won't be beating myself up either way as I'm focussed on the day after. Plus I will prove to those doubters that my attitude to food is healthier than it's been in a loooooooong time.

Don't doubt yourself Dancing.
Someone has the quote 'You only know someone's strengths when you've seen them at their weakest.'
Spot on. Look to your own strengths.

[scotwannabethin]

Hiya Dancing,
I went to a corporate dinner dance back in September when I was about where you are now. I made the concious decision before hand that I was going to have something to eat. I had some protein and some green salad and a small glass of bubbly. I saw it as a treat for having lost 3stone at that point and the following day I went straight back onto the packs and the weight loss continued. I looked on it in a positive way in that It was just one night and that I knew the journey was going to continue for me. I thought about it long and hard before I went and I knew what I was going to eat and the control for me wasn't the abstinance but that i wasn't going to eat anything other than what I had agreed with myself and even though there were rather a lot of very nice and yummy things at the party I kept to the plan I had made with myself and when I even thought about "oh that looks nice" I reminded myself of what it was I had agreed and that helped.
It is possible to eat and then get back into things but I think it is a very individual thing. I am driven by the weight I have lost so far and the desire to reach my goal weight and that is an overridding emotion for me. I have the control over the food now, not the other way about. Well, I hope I do!! But RtM will be the proof of the pudding so to speak.
Good luck in what ever you decide to do and I will have some meat and green salad on Christmas day as a well done to myself for doing so well and on boxing day I will go back to the packs to complete my journey.

[Dancing]

judyboots. I love your response. Thanks for that as I feel full of confidence again. Scotwannabethin, thanks it is encouraging to hear more stories of how people have managed to go straight back on plan and I think key to the success if having a strict guideline of when it ends.

I want it recorded here that I will be "slightly" off plan on 9 December when my friend cooks me a special fish dish (won't be too off plan). I will return to packs on 10 December until 24 December, when I will have a 3 day break but will concentrate on protein and veg. Any alcohol will be limited to a glass a day. I will then be back on packs until 4 January where I will have another break (and this one may include potatoes!) until my flight home on 11th January. There, I've done it. I'm committed to that and when I say I'll do something, I do it.

[peanut]

Well done on being so clear on what you are going to do Dancing. You sound very strong!

I have been very clear in my own mind what I will do. And I know I will stick to it. My mum is supportive and I've told her that I am going to have my packs for breakfast and lunch and then will have a small meal of Protein and veg and will limit my drinking to a few vodka and soda water and then straight back on the packs. That will be a great treat to have and hopefully wont effect me to much.

Also I was wondering what protein would be best to have apart from the obvious as I find it really dry? and would like to have something diffrent over the two days meals. Oh I was thinking about having prawns?

Anyone got any thoughts/tips/ideas?

[Dancing]

if you were following atkins (which I know we aren't and I know LL works differently, etc, etc.) but IF you were this is what is acceptable:
All Fish Including : Tuna, Salmon, Sole, Trout, Flounder, Sardines, Herring
All Fowl Including : Chicken, Turkey, Duck, Goose, Poussin, Quail, Pheasant.
All Shellfish Including : Oysters, Mussels, Lobster, Clams, Squid, Prawns, Crab-meat.
All Meat Including : Beef, Pork, Lamb, Bacon, Veal, Ham, Venison.
Also quorn and soya and quinoa (like a rice but actually a grass).
However, you might want to make choices according to fat content as well (as Atkins doesn't limit the fat content in the way LL does) so I believe that would include prawns, bacon, goose - not sure what else, and also on how processed food is (salt levels, nitrates, etc) which again would mean no bacon and probably some pork - depending on how cooked.

[peanut]

Thanks Dancing.

I was just looking your amazing weekly WI. Do you do anything diffrent the weeks you lose 7lbs/8lbs?

I suggested to my bf that I was going to try and do a exercise video this week and he said I shouldnt as I will be exhausted and dont have any fuel? I thought it would be ok?

[Dancing]

no peanut I don't do anything differently, guess i'm just lucky. I started off using my exercise bike regularly and then got really busy and didn't have the time I then had a good loss and thought to myself, perhaps the exercise makes no difference (apart of course from toning and helping the heart etc) and I have to admit that other then my work which is semi physical, I haven't done any extra exercise (I feel a smidgen of guilt about that but I will incorporate it into my lifestyle in the new year (and on my active holiday which starts next week).

Therefore I contribute my fluctuating weight losses to water retention and the body holding onto some fat as long as it can and then giving in and letting me flush it down the loo!

I am amazed with my losses and grateful everyday that it is coming off as well as it is. I do not intend to have it go back on again. Do you know, i think this might be the diet that does take the weight off as quickly as it can be gained (usually you can put it on quicker than you can take it off). I have in the past gained 3 stone in 4 months. Loving taking it off just as quickly

As for the exercise video - a little should be okay but just find what you are comfortable with. When I did exercise in the beginning, I was doing 30 - 50mins exercise bike a day, light dumbell work for my arms, walking, yoga and swimming. Others on here do toning work regularly.

You can't do big work outs but find what you can do that makes you happy and doesn't exhaust you

[peanut]

Thanks Dancing - you have done so well! It must be a big motivation to get a big loss like that after being on the plan for a bit?

Im going to try and do 2 x 30 mins of a exercise video and see what happens at the next WI after that. I always get to the stone mark and then stick a bit and then lose again. I just need to keep going and try and do a bit of exercise. My scales say I have done better then my LL counsellors which is a shame.... But at least im back to only weighing myself twice weekley now lol.

P

[Zomble]

Hi Peanut (sorry Dancing, don't mean to hijack this thread - I'm really glad you're feeling better about everything. It sounds as if you're going to have a good time over Christmas, but not gain any weight! Good for you)

Anyway, Peanut - if it's any help - I've tried a pilates dvd at home, which was great for toning and really made those stomach muscles react! Then I went to a dancercize class, which you probably know is very cardio-based. I was able to keep up all right, but in the fast bits I started to get serious pins and needles in my hands and feet, which I think is probably Not Good. So bear in mind that you don't have any glycogen left for instant energy to your muscles, and choose your type of exercise carefully.