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Hello everyone.
It's been a good 3 months since you last heard much from me. In fact, my last post would have been round about the time I started the reading for my Psychology conversion course.
It's been hard work. Work gave me a huge bonus at Christmas. Enough to clear off my worst debt and with enough money for treats like a PC (I already had a Macbook, but unfortunately the statistics software I need to use for my degree meant I needed to splash out!) and some sexy boots and a trenchcoat.
I am a size 14 I think - in the classic sense, but this is mainly because of my boobs (they came back. Strangely though, I am still the same bra size as I was in July (hmmm!), but a 32 back is a bit tight, but a 34 floats around - so I guess I'm now a 33 E - shame that size doesn't actually exist
The oddest thing has been realising what it feels like to be NORMAL. I was skinny in the summer. Now I feel like an ordinary person, healthy, fit - I've calmed down on all of my bingeing behaviour - I have had chocolates open in the house since Tuesday and they are so rich that I keep thinking - 'oooh - not for a while yet'. I also have M&S's organic seed and nut bars (a tasty replacement for my LL Nut Crunches - and far less calories!) in my desk, and since Monday I haven't bothered with them. My trick has been to feel 'stocked up'
I had my first (warning food talk gets a bit more x rated here on in!) scone with clotted cream and jam in over a year yesterday and a bag of pork scratchings. They were fun to eat, but my little divil didn't make me go back for more. I just thought 'Blimey - I couldn't eat that every day'
This weekend I'm having a bit of a detox. Work has been so stressful with barely enough time to get a full night's sleep for the last couple of months that I haven't had time to exercise - my main reading time for my course is on the bus so I had to give up the cycling for a while - I do religiously stick to making sure I do at least one big yomp around London a week - even if it's only the walking the 3 miles to the shops in Camden or Angel and back, I do make sure that one thing never slips.
I was drinking a lot before Christmas, mainly because I had a lot of catching up to do with my friends, and I've realised that - y'know what? The best drink in the world is water.
I haven't given up drinking, but now I have one or two things I like the sound of every few weeks or so. I accept that at 34 (nearly) I have to kind of look after my body if I want it to get me through the next 50 years!
LighterLife has changed my life. But I think the important thing is the weight you lose for your health - the weight that lets you let go and feel freer. The skinny thing, the size 10 - well - it's lovely - but when you get there, unless you know what else you wanted, your old habits will start nudging you towards the security of 'just the one more'. I didn't know what I wanted when I got there last summer and although I held on to it for a fair old while, I think I wanted to work out what was bugging me that made me so unhappy at that weight. I did resent how much better men treat you when you're skinny. In the last few months, the number of friends of friends in the music industry or media who now talk to me at clubs saying 'who are you and why haven't I seen you before?' When 2 years ago I was the life and soul of the very same club has made me raise questions not so much about the shallowness of others, but the lack of confidence and self esteem I had back then.
I went for a major meeting with a serious media company on Thursday and a year ago I would never have had the chutspah to say what I did, or wear what I did! I probably wouldn't have ever got through the door.
I don;t care about the designer clothes or the being able to wear boots
What I care about is even with a few pounds over my 'healthy' weight, I feel confident, I can go into Mexx and pick a dress of the rack and know it will fit me, I can walk up Primrose Hill without stopping or being out of breath (I do it every New Year and this is the first year ever that I haven't had to stop before the last steep bit) - I can beat a bus over 200 yards IN HEELS. 2008 is starting in a great place for me - I'm writing and starring in a comedy show on the London circuit in a month's time, I'm working on my first ever psychology experiement and analysis, work is great and really supportive of the stuff I do outside work - and the new business I am starting up with a friend already has some great leads.
I will never abstain again. I am doing some RTM style eating over the next few weeks, just to reset myself for the next few months.
But I will reach my 34th birthday 6 sizes smaller...I've actually alienatied some of my friends a teensy bit because for my birthday I have organised a Karaoke night (you should hear my Hazel O'Connor!) instead of letting us all just go to a pub and drink. I am bored of that way of doing things - if I'm socialising these days I want to have fun and entertainment, not drink and forget about half the things people say!
A happy new 2008 to all of you - and for those of you beginning abstinence or cracking your 2nd week of it, keep going - there's so much more to it than weight!
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Lost 10 Stone in 2008. Maintained for 2 years. Back for a Tune-Up.
- Achieved 
