For Goodness sake...Ive done again

[Sappho]

Started dieting, lost a couple of stone, started looking better, then went into complete distructive mode and put it all back on again.

Why do I have such a subconscious need to be fat! arrrrrrrrrrrrghhhhh - I am officially a failure....again.....

[Blonde Logic]

Hi Sappho. You are not a failure. You are a women, struggling to find the right combination to combat your weight issues. A failure would not keep trying, nor would they seek to find out why they are sabatoging themselves - so please, put that F word out of your vocabulary.

I can only speak for myself - but what you described is exactly how I spent the last twenty years. 2 stone off - 2.5 on - 2 stone off - 2.5 on.

I spent many of those years in denial. I knew in my heart of hearts I had buried things that should not have been....and as long as they remained unresolved - I would never ever be able to acheive anything in life.

It was not until a very significant issue in my life that occured 22 years ago forced itself to the forefront of my existance - basicaly slapped me in the face and said, "you WILL deal with this NOW." I had to face it. And it was horrible and it was painful - it seemed to take forever to own and cose that chapter. But - it had to be done.

Then, layer by layer - I found I was dealing with all those old demons. At last. It was bloody hard work too I might add. But it had to be done. HAD TO. It was the ONLY way I could shake that bad part of my life away.

I feel 150% that this is the main reason I have been successful. I have owned - addressed - greived - forgiven myself for so many things - and that has freed me to now take care of myself, effortlessly and with such strong conviction that I am "cured" despite the challenges that lie ahead in RTM and then life-time management. But, I know I will do it now.

The point of my long winded waffle is - could this be something similar to you? Are there things you need to deal with that fear has kept you from? I believe that is a major cause of self sabatoge. I felt unworthy to be thin, because of things I had done or not done - and I feel I never allowed myself to be successful because I felt I did nto deserve to be.

Give yourself a hug =- and have some long indepth chats with yourself, and see if anything comes to mind.

A friend once told me you can have something troubling you and causing unhappiness in your life, but can't put your finger on it. As you start reflecting, if something brings a tear to our eye - that is generally what needs looking at.

Good luck hon.

I know its a horrible place to be in - but keep trying. Don't give up.

xx

[Mollysmum]

That is really thought provoking and inspiring Blonde Logic.