Deep thoughts but might interest :}

[bigmuthabluffa]

hi guys self sabotage has been an enemy to fight with over the years, I have been there a few times and I have done alot of thinking about it, so here are my theories

Compliments although are nice to receive just cement the fact that while I was fat I wasn't good enough for people to notice.
Compliments are about my weight loss and not about me, meaning again I am not being complimented just the lack of fat.
Compliments sometimes come with a how did you do it, and that means the person only wants to know my secrets not me.
Compliments are also sometimes from healthy and thin people who try to compare themselves with my war against fat, and this is just annoying because they haven't got a *&%$^%$ clue.
More personally, Compliments are not something I am used to and I still don't feel worthy of them, that then makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I then thing the self sabotage comes in because I want to be accepted as a 'fattie' in the same way as a 'thinnie', also because I am not comfortable getting the compliments one sure fire way of not getting any is being fat again, so it is my hidey place.

Bit deep maybe for a morning but this is how it effects me,

This time however I am ready for all the psycological warfare as well as the physical warfare,
I am not healthy when I am Fat, that is the bottom line, people will always have opinions, good or bad about how I lose the weight or how I look,
I am fed up with hiding behind my fat suit, so from now on people can have their opinions, I am going to accept the compliments as opinions and keep on my journey to healthiness

[bigmuthabluffa]

That's actually a brilliant post bigmutha. I too often wondered why I was sabotaging MYSELF. Ur theories resonate deeply with me. I've always been big, no one knows me any different. But when I lost that 7st a few years I was suddenly 'real'. Everyone took notice. Had an opinion.complimented. quizzed. And then I started to ease up a bit .... a bit? .... and gained it all back and stones and stones more. I had felt so good being smaller. I was full of Confidence and felt so accepted. There were uncountable perks honestly. But when it crept back on .... I faded into non existence again. No compliments just looks. No acceptance just indifference, I'm invisible. No confidence just paranoia. I can clearly see the massive changes... but what I can't answer is, if I loved that time being slimmer and class it as the happiest times of my life .... why have I done this again? Its surely not possible to want to be miserable? To cry urself to sleep? Nobody knows so im not getting attention for it. So what have I been doing? And why do I keep having the thoughts to sabotage myself over and over? .... I need to figure that out. Thats the key to it all. X

U can answer all these, in fact u know the answer, look at it this way on a different level I have had friends go through cancer, they know at some point people will look and stare due to the physical differences there treatments creates, however hard that is going to be for them they do it anyway because they want to be healthy.
Take the same thought we are goin to have to deal with all sorts from all sorts but mainly ourselves, and for me I want to be healthy and refuse to allow myself to stop me from achieving that just because of a little internal conflict.

Being big is mainly all I know even though I was not like that as a younger girl, it is a nasty comfort zone that has lied to me for years, I have discovered these lies and will not listen any more,

U will get there hun

[libs]

Hi,

some real thoughts there; thanks for sharing x
my sister inlaw has just lost 5 stone on ww and I did ask her how she did it, I was really happy for her but jealous and it brought about feelings of not being good enough, how couls she do it and not me (im not good enough) but I was also really happy for her ( I do love her!! )
ive realised that when we've not felt good enough, especially as children, the thoughts are what WE put on any situation. When my parents made more of a fuss over my brothers achievements at school, rather than mine, I thought I wasn't good enough. In reality, they were trying to boost my brothers confidence and not damage mine. So the "IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH" didn't ever exist. It was something I projected.
This is something we take with us to every other life situation therein without ever realising.
I feel much freer of this damaging thought process I hope you can too xx

good luck! I'm on day two and IM MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH" and so are you !!

[Nic1559]

These thoughts are all so true. I know I need to come back to these when I'm struggling to remind myself why I'm doing this. Thank you x