Ahhh a good day. Out with my friends last night stuck to water and black coffee. Feeling good. Today I've used a voucher for massage and pedicure, so not my thing, but doing this whole accepting my body and learning to like what I've got. Hurrah! Wedding tomorrow, not mine! Designated driver and everyone we're sitting with are OHs friends and know about my diet. I've got a blue flowery swing style dress to wear and will NOT swap it for trousers and top. Ive done the trousers and top look to death, no more!
Lovely massage, facial, pedicure and manicure. Really needed and great to be up in the sunshine. Then came home and sorted my wardrobe and the embarrassing large number of clothes that were hiding in the loft. Put 7 binbags in the charity bin. Had to be so ruthless about whether I'd really want something once I like what my body is like. Been a but hungry today, but not too bad, a bit rumbly. Very odd to not settle in with food tonight, but feeling so positive that I don't want to, it feels odd, not disappointing!
All is well! Had a lovely time at our friends wedding yesterday. Was designated driver, so that solved the drink issue (not that I drink often in any case) BUT I got a lot of stick about my diet and ended up eating. It's the first time I really got pummelled about it. It was a sit down 4 course meal and I had two of my packs before we left to try and tide me over. In any case, no one has really 'turned on me' since starting this diet but the group I was at the table with were really scathing about why I can't just eat healthily, they weren't cruel, but genuinely bemused. I really wasn't ready! Anyway, so to shut everyone up I ate. This consisted of eating the tomatoes off the top of the bruschetta, the chicken and peppers and onions of the main, and 2 spoons of the treacle sponge pudding. Bye bye ketosis. Then in the evening they had chip and bacon butties carried round, so I took two bacon sarnies, ate the bacon from them and left the bread. Can we also get a 'bye bye veggie'.
All was going so well and could be considered 'LighterLife Lite' until the dessert spoonfuls entered my mouth. Anyway, I fretted all night. Danced as much as i possibly could to burn it off, and had my normal porridge sachet this morning. Took a sneaky peek at the home scales expecting something horrendous but they're actually showing a loss... Perhaps the payback is yet to come, or I'm being too harsh on myself? Either way, normally I'd have gone mad for the champagne and free food and feel quite proud of myself. EXCEPT for the eating of meat and not being at all prepared for the peer pressure. OH is trying to get me to just chill out as it was a wedding, not a sudden stop in at a restaurant or a takeaway. Hence I'm calling this day 5, and not starting from 1.
My tummy is not happy though - not sure if that's the meat or the other stuff. Still, another way to lose a bit of weight eh?
It's so annoying when people get into your head though. 'Why can't you just eat healthily?' they asked. Well, yes, great point, and as we're all acquaintances I'm not sure you really want the answer to that question. So simple for some people. and I hope it is so simple for me too as the coming months roll by. but it's not now. i've already though, hey, perhaps I should stop this diet, save some pennies and do something like Slimming World. But why? Why stop this really? it's not really even about the money, i'ts the fear - that in a couple of months I could be slim, and have succeeded, that then I have to maintain it and will know this time when it's all going wrong. I don't know, how weird that people sway my brain so easily. Building a little wall and carrying on. So much easier as the daffodils come out and I know I can start gardening again soon and get outside in the garden with a book...
Hi Diem, yes I have! It's making me giggle a bit as I go through - an alter to myself? However, I can see a lot about what he's trying to explain, and how to view food. As with all these things, my mind is very clever at overrulling good advice and what i know is best. Already today I can tell I ate something as despite having two packets as normal by now, my stomach is rumbling like crazy and I'm feel so lethargic!
I'm now starting Lite. I feel it's time. I've got my recipe book out from first time around and went on a vegetable shop yesterday. I am going to learn to embrace preparing a meal for myself whilst sticking to the counselling and packs workgin through this next two stone. I know it might slow my loss. But when I did Ll the first time around it was Lite because I was 12.10 starting. It only took me 7 weeks to be 10 stone, and I had a very lovely spring cooking for myself and my partner and didn't deviate once. I'm now thinking that this is a natural next step to curb the hunger and the extremes of either doing the packs, or bingeing. Let's see if it works. Already that totally changes my evenings, home, walk dogs, prepare meal from recipe book, eat lovely meal (with real effort to sit down and eat it and enjoy). I like this idea a lot.
Sorry I have been so absent for you. I think the Lite option is the right one for you now, as I have said in the past it gives you the best of both worlds. Better losses than WW/sw etc and the mix of packs and a meal. I am planning on 2 more weigh ins and then switch to 3 packs and a meal, am so scared as you know and I keep putting it off but I have to eat soon. I just want to see 10 stone something on the scales before I do that though! I hate the peer pressure from others but sounds like you did well at the wedding not to just think stuff this and eat all the pudding. Keep it up lovely and you will soon be at goal xx
Hi Tilley... I hope you're ok.. sending huge hugs and good thoughts your way!
I have just read through your thread and have some advice to offer if you're still around as one or two things have struck me about your journey so far...
I did Cambridge Diet along with calorie counting and reduced my weight from 15 stone 2 to 9 stone 2 in err about 16 months with rather a few stop starts.
Anyway, I shall wait to see if you return before I waffle on : )
- Rep Power
Diet: Lighter Life Lite
Start Date: 03/01/2013
Start Weight: 11st10.0lb
Current Weight: 10st12lb
Goal Weight: 9st0lb
Goal Date: 01/06/2012
Start BMI: 30.5
Current BMI: 28.3
Goal BMI: 23.4
Total Weight Loss: 0st12lb
Weight to Lose: 1st12lb
% Lost 7.32%
Oh goody please join me on LLL I will look forward to recipe ideas!
I'm back. Hallllooooooooooooooooooooo ladies. xxx
Ok, so... I have dilly-dallied and put on over a stone.
I did my 'normal', ignored my counsellor's contact, ignored texts from lovely friends at LL and buried myself in a pit of 'oh Weight Watchers will work', or 'i dont need this, I'll do it all alone' blahdeblah. Having now managed to get nowhere alone I've made it up with my counsellor and my friends. Well, I say 'made it up' they were welcoming and had no doubt I'd come back to finish what I started. I've left myself with 7 weeks until my first dress fitting. The one where my measurements at 12 stone 12 were taken, and then reduced by a couple of inches as I was so sure I'd be slimmer. I'm planning on working my BUTT off to do this towards that date but push the date back if needed to get into the 11 stones. So here I am, weighed in at 14.4 last week, though had massively bad bloated period (so much worse monthlies when I'm eating so many carbs and sugar). Now on Day 4 and doing okay.
I'm just so sick of myself that even writing this makes me worry you're all rolling your eyes that here I go again.
I want to harness the first ever time I did this went I stopped off at shops after a weigh in and bought size 12 clothes in bright gorgeous colours.
Why am I doing this...again:
- I do NOT want to have to organise my clothes the night before work because I know that everything in my wardrobe doesn't really fit and have to pick out the few odd things that do.
- I do NOT want this depression in my life anymore. This self-doubt about who I am based on how I look. It's obvious I can't get down with the idea that personality conquers looks as I feel anti-social and ashamed of so much about me when I'm large.
- I do NOT want to keep on at my OH about how sick I feel as I lay in bed after a binge.
- I do NOT want to keep thinking my parents are judging what I did with their beautiful daughter by swallowing tubs of lard
- I do NOT want to be a fat bride (it's good that that's come in later than these other things right? Means this is more than a fad for the wedding?)
- I do NOT want it to be a big deal that I have the confidence to walk across the office without my coat/cardigan on
- I do NOT want to have my pants roll down under my stomach lol!
I DO want to feel like me. Like there is nothing weighing on my mind (pardon the pun). If anything can get rid of this critical voice in my head that's so focused on deriding me it has to be the weight, it solves so many of those snarky comments I give myself.
I DO want to solve this riddle about myself. This behaviour that goes round and around has become tedious even to me. So, I want to fix it and to do that I have to face it and stop running away.
I DO want to be a success at this. It means an awful lot. I don't want to keep a diary about bingeing, I want to keep a diary about how great life is, and so I have to make space to allow great thoughts to be in my mind without covering my thoughts and feelings in a mire of food. Not that food is bad, of course, but no more smearing myself in the bingeing ---to what end? So I can feel sad and then 'right'? Because I've always been a depressive and at one time I drank regularly so having given that up now I eat instead so I have some vice to wallow in?
I DO want to feel my age. And dress for my age.
I DO want to love myself. From no longer biting my nails, to keeping my hair nice, to saying what I think, and to having the energy and balls to make my life count, every minute.
Hmmm. So, Little thoughts about giving in, but nothing major. I've done this in the same way I did all my studying -- excellent at the pressure of exams and terrible at the slow and steady of coursework. Heaven forbid I just do this in good time, much more 'exciting' to have a goal that's very close and have to try and get there.
Is feeling 'itchy', bored, nothing is interesting part of this? Don't remember it being so bad last time. Oh is suggesting cinema to keep me occupied. His treat. But I just feel MEH.
Day 5 and all is well.
Except lots of poo going on at work that is driving me mad - possible redundancies and more meetings. Find out by July end and trying to keep on working in a productive fashion is very hard. Anyway, all the meetings do mean i am spacing my food packs out really well. Just had my porridge and it's 11:51. Had 2l of water already and three cups of tea so the wheel is turning. Very thirsty today but perhaps as it feels muggy?
Went out to the cinema in the end and had a great evening, totally changed my mood. I had a black coffee with sweetners and my first bar which was excellent and yummy to chew. OH had a picknmix, very jealous for a moment then got over it. I had a lovely bar and a nice evening and the picknmix will be my friend when I'm a happily married slender woman and can have a treat. For now, my treat is losing weight quickly and effectively and sorting my head out in the process.
Also, my trousers are HANGING off me! Had a check on the scales (the LL advice says this can be useful in teh first week but I'm going ot have to get over it) and seem to have a lost a good amount. can't wait till tomorrow to find out!
I'm supposed to have another make up trial tonight and couldn't feel more like cancelling. I want to go home and be left alone tonight after today's shennanigans, but I suppose it will take up time and busy me from feelign sorry for myself. End up wanting food so much when I'm home alone with the boy and he's off shift, so he has to hide elsewhere and that's ideal.
Soooo sleepy waiting for make up lady. Didn't get to second pack till just now and really taken it out of me despite muchos water. Going to get this done, then have a bath and read. OH has dared to ask if after weigh in will be 'treat night'. Irrational heart says YES but answer is no. No no no. I need to do abstain fully, the treat is right here and now losing this weight. I can only imagine how I'll feel tomorrow but I feel fairly forceful on this. It really isn't the time to cheat myself.
I've just discovered your diary, and read it from start to finish. I've found it really interesting to read about your journey so far, and I will continue to read as your journey continues!
Like you, I find the evenings difficult, I think it's always best to busy yourself.
Ignore irrational heart, you don't need to treat yourself with food after a good WI (but that doesn't exclude treating yourself with clothes, shoes, bags, etc ).
I think after you've had your make up done tonight, you won't feel that need to cheat, you'll put yourself into the zone, thinking about what you want to, and WILL, look like on your wedding day. And hey, nice make up always makes you feel better.
Let us know how you get on later!
I am also getting married this year and am finding all the wedding preparations are keeping me motivated on my goal. The OH will always try and influence us as they love us however we are but keep strong you are doing great!
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