Thread: Abyss' day one reflections.

*Wrote on my first day ... just a warning that it does mention a few f**ds so if you feel like this is going to be a problem for you, please don't continue :]*



The journey to regain my former glory and passion for life has begun. I need to be completely honest with everyone and myself in order to be successful so I have decided to take full advantage of this page. Perhaps there are people who can identify with my struggles. I have been all sorts of shapes and sizes throughout the duration of my lifetime. Never had I been so content with my shape and lifestyle as I was in the Summer of 2010, I reminisce this being the happiest time of my life. I was around 10 stone (on a 5" 7 frame), lean, confident, vibrant and completely safe in my own skin, a distant fairytale in comparison to now.



Me at my ideal weight. Please don't ask me why i'm climbing on that car ahaha, it's the only full-body shot i could find :']
Yes I have stupid hair ahaha, but I love having stupid hair

Somewhere along the road of graduating from university, moving house, a grievous break-up and make-up with a trusted partner of three years, mother's ill-health, inner-demons, work, death and various other life stressors I have found myself fluctuating from one extreme to another in terms of my weight. Most recently I feel like I have lost control entirely and now around four stone heavier, miserable and uncomfortable in every aspect of my being. Food has become my best friend and worst enemy simultaneously.

I have gained a few lethal habits in the last year or so of popping to the supermarket every day to buy dinner on the way home from work, which I feel has been key in contributing to my downfall. I'd often buy more than I need, my eyes and heart take over what i would be going to be eating that day. If I fancied a curry, "well i'll have to buy some nan bread, pilau rice and mini popadoms to accompany ... then perhaps pudding for a little later, a family cheesecake ... I'll never eat all that anyway then I can save some for the rest of the week." Of course, that cheesecake wouldn't last 6 hours. This awful habit was enhanced further by a development in my secret eating, I would also buy myself little "treats" on my trip just to eat them secretly later on. I also had a rule that I had to eat what I bought within that evening as "the diet started tomorrow!" I would hide these treats from everyone else in the house so they wouldn't know I had them. I even psychologically felt like the supermarket self-service was great because there was no-one to judge what I was buying and eating (not that they could know that I intended all of this food for myself!) This was bank-breaking as well as hideously unhealthy. My secret eating had evolved from "dieting" and being "good" all day long then breaking my iron will during the evening. I would gorge on all of the things that I should have eaten in intervals during the day and probably more, being so ravenous that I just ingested utter rubbish without a thought despite my good intentions. This habit developed into a monster.



Me and my lovely boyfriend earlier last year at Download Festival 2012, really struggling with my weight :/

I sat myself down and looked in the mirror. I felt unhappy with myself, I was in a never ending cycle of misery and I needed a change. I've seen various success stories linked to LighterLife, my father being one such case - I have tried everything else. I even went to the gym for 4 months straight, 6 days a week with a minimum of 30 minutes a day exercise and very often a lot more and barely lost 3 pounds, if anything I felt like I was gaining weight. So I bit the bullet and signed up to a consultation in my local area, I liked what I saw and heard from the leader (who is incredibly lovely and down to earth!) I would use the money that I had been wasting on supermarket binges to pay for my weekly groups and packs. And now here I am on day one, sat with my chicken soup in a mug extremely excited to start seeing some results.

Hopefully some time soon I can make my 2010 dream self a reality in 2013; I think i'll be avoiding supermarkets for a while.


Abyss
xo

Hi there - Welcome!! you will find great support and advice on this forum. Your head seems to be in the right place and you have taken the steps to start your journey!

Good luck and do keep coming back and let us all know how you are getting on

Thank you Curvy !! I'm really hoping to use this forum as much as possible to keep focused, i think i've definitely found the key to success :]

I'm hoping to do a journal entry every week for perspective - thank you for your encouragement
xo

You look positively hot in both pictures...! I wish I could pull off wild hair, the most I did was get synthetic dreads when I was about 18, but that's as wild as it got! But having been a fatty all my life, not sure it looked so good. Rofl, I still remember my goth outfit I went to some gig in with these wild gothy platforms and all the black netting everywhere Ohhh dear. I think I did the right thing sticking to super-baggy shorts, t-shirts and skater shoes. .. Hmm. I still miss all that. :3 How was Download last year? I went back in 2006, it was great. Any bands you saw that were amazingly good?

I found the forum to be a great help when I was doing some dieting under crisis in 2009, sadly it's not as active, but this diary helps to work through mental ailments, boredom or just for reading other posts on the other sections which can be insightful.

I hope your Wi went well, you seem rather cheerful which is nice to see. You'll get to your target, I know it! Just never give up, sometimes this diet feels like 'OMG chicken soup - AAGGAAAINN' or it feels hopeless... Just stick with it, one day at a time and soon, your confidence will return! (not that you have anything to worry about - in my opinion your picture below looks great too ^^ ).

Awwwh thanks Minerva :'] Don't feel particularly hot in the second but thank you anyway XD
I think the stupid hair is just part of me, I currently have a bit of a "white hair with flecks of pink, blue, minty green candy rainbow" thing going on ... was a mistake but regardless totally love it Been doing it for about 6 years or so now, I don't remember what it's like to have "normal" hair D: Your hair colour is pretty smokin' in your avatar though !! Love that shade :3 Never had the balls for dreads/synthetic dreads, they look so nice but i really don't think i could pull it off XD

Aha, there's nothing wrong with a little fish-net and new rocks XD Download 2012 was amazing as always Highlights would probably be Black Sabbath (I was brought up on BS so it was mental to see them, only one original member down too), Metallica (who are always great), Tenacious D, Slash, Steel Panther, Reckless Love ... would put Sebastian Bach in that list but he was shocking aha, was so looking forward to him too :[ The bands were great, the weather was appalling - literally didn't stop raining all festival, drunk people falling in the mud - anarchy aha. It didn't take away from the festival at all though !
I was never allowed to go when i was younger (i.e. up to 2007) darn rents ... 2008 I was doing my final A levels and it clashed with two of my exams (was so gutted) but ever since 2009 i've been every single year I only live a few miles away so it was always so easy to get to !

I do want to keep updated with the diary thing, like you say - great tool to keep mental food fairies at bay !! I love reading everyone else's too, it always amazes me how many people have experienced similar issues to me. I definitely don't feel alone in this anymore

It really did, i'm so happy with the first WI ... just need to keep away from the fridge and gammon I really feel like I can do it ! I can't wait to be healthy and happy again and if it takes "chicken soup agaaaain" so be it ! Weeeee, let's all keep it up !! We can get there with support from one another :]
xo