So I had my consultation on Sunday with the loveliest counsellor!!! Had a lovely chat with her got some info and went away to think about my decision ....
.... As a 23 year old who's bf of 3 years has a metabolism that can keep up with the speed of light, friends who on a fat day are barely over 9st and a size 10 it's hard for me to talk to anyone who will truly understand. I instantly felt at ease with the counsellor and found myself opening up without much effort!! The tears came with it! My weight is a really emotional subject for me, I'm gd at pretending I don't care whereas deep down I'm torn apart and literally heartbroken with how I've turned out - this may seem dramatic but I hope some people get where I'm coming from. This isn't just because I want to be a size perfect etc. I want to be proud of myself and make my bf and family and friends proud of me. Now my life otherwise is going very well, we bought our own place last year so a mortgage at the age of 22....very proud, got a puppy, I've been promoted twice in the last 3 months including two pay rises. So life on the outside is pretty perfect .... However inside my head my thoughts are all the above is great but I'm still overweight therefore it's not gd enough and as such outweighs heavily all the gd stuff!!! Stupid ay?!
Now I've dieted in the past, you name the diet I've tried it, even to the point where I've starved myself and skipped meals....obviously none of these worked!!! So, why LL and why now?! We went to a wedding on Saturday and I could feel myself green with envy not just at the bride but I had in my head that every other girl was slimmer than me and therefore better.....this came out on the bf!! Even though I know he would never do anything I find myself not trusting him because of how I look if that makes sense.....I have in my head that he can't possibly find me attractive .... So that's why now, my weight and mental issues aren't just effecting me, they are effecting my relationship and I can't let that continue. For the first time I'm more interested in the counselling side than the weightloss. Obviously I want to and need to lose weight for my health (physical and mental) but this is the first time that I've sort of been able to realise that ok enoughs enough I need help.
So Sunday 25th August is d-day!!! The day I change my life, back to how I used to be! Bubbly, confident, happy!!!!
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