Hello. I really do mean it this time!
Hi everyone :)
I hope you all don't mind me joining you. I am really pleased to have found this area of the forum, as it is applicable to me on lots of levels. I have a lot to lose, more than 100lbs, and I really do mean it this time. I have to mean it as I just can't carry on this way.
My weight rules, and in many ways ruins my life. I am very good at hiding it, and many people wouldn't know just how much it bothers me, but it really does. I don't think there is anything in life that I don't let my weight affect in one way or another, whether it be what I do at work, going on holiday, what I do with my young daughter, whether I do or don't go out, what I wear, what i think, etc etc. and as much as i find it hard to admit to myself, it is affecting my health. i am always hot and sweaty and often short of breath, i tire easily and its getting worse not better.
I know many of you will understand the constant battle. Haing been successful in losing large amounts of weight before (first two times through atkins, third time through lighterlife) I again find myself back where I started at just over 280lb and have been here for some time know. But it is hard work, physically and mentally, and I just have to do something about it. i have an appointment next month to find out about weight loss surgery. for many reasons i really don't want it to come to that. i want to be able to do this for myself, and don't want to take the risk of surgery when i have a young daughter. but i really feel like i am running out of options and i just want this constant torture to be over and having the option to eat taken out of my hands is appealing..i wake up every day vowing it will be the day i take control, and i go to bed every night damning myself for failing again. so, whilst i look into the weight loss surgery option, i have decided to try and take control for myself, in the hope i can avoid doing anything more drastic like surgery.
I have PCOS so I know lower carb works for me. lighterlife worked brilliantly, but i just don't have the resolve to stick to it again (i have tried and failed many times since i successfully did it for my wedding in 2007). So, I am intending to do a calorie and carb controlled approach. not as drastic as LL, but try to keep my calories to 800-1000 a day. the problem with having done LL is i am impatient with weightloss, i expect to see big results quickly. but i know for it to be a long term solution, then it needs to come off in a more steady fashion. i also plan to start doing some exercise as I do none. I am lucky to have a cross trainer at home, so I am aiming to use that three times a week as a start.
i have got myself as ready as can be to start. Did a shop today and stocked up on the foods i need to be eating, and being realistic too so also went for low cal convenince options. that's the vicious circle i am in, i can't be bothered to do anything so end up going for junk/convinient options, which makes it worse etc. so i thought to start with if i am realistic and choose low cal convinience stuff then i can always move on to making more for myself once i am making progress and have a bit more get up and go! i am also going to make an appointment with the nurse at my GP surgery, as I know if I have a regular weigh in it will help keep me on track.
i have so much in life to be thankful for and i just get so cross at myself that I just can't get control of this food thing. i literally just lose control. i start the day well and then usually after 4pm i lose control and i eat until i feel unwell. once i get in the zone i am normally good and in control, but then something happens to take me off focus, a holiday or something, and i then spend months trying to get back on the wagon.
This time i really do mean it though. I am going to do this for me, for my family, but mostly for my daughter. she is my life and i am so lucky to have her. she has had a tough little life in her short two years so far, she has special needs and doing anything physical is such hard work for her because her muscles and joints dont work how they should.. i desperately want to be alble to run around with her and have fun when she is able...for her to be able to do that is such an achievement for her that for me not to be able to join in is just heartbreaking, for me and her.
so, that's me, sorry for the long ramble. i'd be really grateful just to be able to check in with people on here who understand what its like, and to be able to support others as we take on this journey and make it a success!!