newbie facing many challenges

[caz78]

Hi all,

I posted on Orlistat and was redirected here. This seems to be the place to be cos boy Do I mean it this time!

I only mentioned the orlistat and health problems on my first post but have decided to be completely open with this post so I can get the support I need.

I hope it's ok to share my car crash of a story here. If not please let me know and I will stick to discussing purely weight issues. I just feel the other stuff I am facing will affect my journey to lose weight.

I have a lot of weight to lose, at least 5 stone, and really struggle to get up and running with changing my habits. I have tried to get going a few times in recent years but never got past day 1.

I have a lot of health problems, both physical and mental. I also had an addiction to cannabis (only 1 at night to sleep) for 20 yrs. I hope I am ok to write that here. So to change I had to quit that as of course I got terrible munchies on it. Life has been pretty bad for a long time and I just settled into a self destructive pattern. Smoking, cigarettes too, 40 a day. No exercise, comfort eating, you name it. Then take into account my PCOS and Bipolar meds and I just ballooned over the years. Also life had pretty much ground me down to nothing. On top of getting diagnosed with bipolar 2 and severe anxiety and social phobia, then losing my job cos I was unfit to work - my wonderful husband cracked and had a short affair with a co-worker. I have never seen anyone so devastated by their actions so we are working on reconciliation. We have been together nearly 20 years and I am not throwing away a previously solid marriage because of one screwed up period of time when life got too much for him. It's completely floored me though. I tried to commit suicide so things really were as bad as they could get. I can't help but be jealous and compare myself to her. Of course, she was slim..... I understand he did it cos he turned to her as a friend at a bad time and bit by bit they got closer.

I am writing so honestly because I really need support to make these changes. I have recently had some health scares and decided enough is enough. Life has to change. I need to focus on me and my health, as well as my self esteem. I have a lot to face.

I started in May gave up smoking in may and switched to vaping, I did continue with my evening smoke though. That stopped on Thursday when I started the diet. It may not seem like I have got far enough to be proud of myself but the fact is I have only ever managed day 1 of no cannabis and dieting a couple of times. I always panicked and put it off. It was a huge change to face and the resulting insomnia was a huge deterrent to change. It's horrible lying awake every night for weeks waiting for your body to learn to sleep naturally again. It also affects my mental health when I lose that much sleep. I can't have sleeping pills regularly, only a few days worth when things get really bad and in a way I am glad cos I would just be switching one addiction for another!

So I saw my gp and she was so happy I was going to address this stuff, she gave me Orlistat very enthusiastically. My sister is on it but she keeps cheating and suffering the side effects. I was determined if I was going to do it, I would do it properly!

So here I am, on day 6 and SO proud of myself for finally getting off the starters block. My previous history shows that if I can get wk1 out of the way I can smash this! I lost 3 stone once before and it only went back on, plus the same, when I got ill.

I have had NO side effects as I am rigidly sticking to less than 30g fat a day and around 1600 cals, which for someone with a bmi of 40 is about right.

I AM going to do this! I had a sneaky weigh in and have lost 3 3/4lbs so far!

I'm really needing someone to talk to during this journey as no one knows the whole story of what I am battling. Quitting cannabis, quitting smoking - even if I am vaping, the affair and all my health problems. I don't feel I necessarily belong in the other groups as I'm not tackling one issue like smoking or pcos, I'm tackling a whole bundle of stuff.

It's not going to be an easy road.

I really do 'mean it this time' though!

Please feel free to guide me if I have shared too much or am in the wrong place.

ETA - very nervous about posting this, maybe i should have just said hi first and asked if i could join you all? I have between 5 and 8 stone to lose.

 

[PrincessSparklePants]

First of all - welcome love! Well done for taking that huge first step and admitting that you need help. That in itself is a huge step, especially with everything else that you have going on. Sending you a MASSIVE hug - what a hell of a lot you've got going on!!

Secondly, another well done. Well done for facing up to EVERYTHING and knowing that you have to tackle it. You are totally not in the wrong place - we all have our demons here and we're all forging our ways forward because we really do
mean it this time!! Together we'll get there too. Everyone needs support and a helping hand and you'll find that in abundance here. We don't judge at all - we just help!

I know you're using orlistat, but do you have another plan? Are you calorie counting? Or are you considering Slimming World/Weight Watchers/another diet?

:grouphugg::grouphugg:

 

[caz78]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome and kind words.

I didn't mention but I also have selective eating disorder - I know my life is like a soap opera lol.

It just means I am limited on what I eat. I used to be only able to physically swallow a handful of different foods - funny though, SED people can normally handle bread, crisps and chocolate - I know I never had a problem with those lol. I can't eat chicken slices as the texture's wrong, so I cook my own and pick of the softest bits. I can't eat fruit, so I drink a smoothie. I can't eat veg but I do eat soup and beans. So I'm limited but I work around things and take a good muti vit.

According to my dietician from years ago, I now cover all the food groups just enough to be healthy. That was quite an achievement.

I created my own diet last time I lost weight and have done the same this time.

A sample day goes like this

breakfast - 2 Weetabix with very little semi skimmed milk

snack - low fat yoghurt

lunch - small poached egg on 2 toast with small tin spag hoops - 1 of your 5 a day apparently lol

snack - 6 pretzels (the mini snack ones)

tea - tuna sandwich, very low fat crisps, fruit smoothie

supper - 1 weetabix


Milk for tea is skimmed and sugar free squash.

Not the healthiest diet but amazing for me and I'm not hungry. For me it's really good.

So I am sticking to around 30g fat a day and 1500 cals. I'm pretty sure it's working as I am losing quite quickly despite the meds/pcos etc. nearly 4llb in 5 days!

Basically high fibre, low fat.


Caz

 

[TracyGWill]

Hi hon! I'm very glad to see you sought out the WeMITTS - I've directed a few people here as it's a good, active part of the site where everyone is really supportive, and it's helped me a lot over the last few years.

I'm really sorry to hear about your health problems, and I hope you can keep taking steps forward to make things better for yourself. xx

 

[Bigbear]

Welcome!! And echo others posts that starting is a big hurdle,and congrats for making that first step

I use the my fitness pal app - makes it really easy to log your food and track how many cals you have had each day. Would definitely recommend.

I really hope some weight loss will also impact on other problems in your life, and that you will overall bee feeling better soon x

 

[caz78]

Thank you so much everyone! What a wonderfully warm welcome!:bighug:

I have to say I am very pleased with how I am doing. My first week weigh in isn't until tomorrow but I keep sneaking on the scales to check I am heading in the right direction....I've lost 4.5lbs already

I'm up and running now ladies!

Caz x

 

[Another Tracy]

Hi Caz

Firstly let me give you a big hug and secondly welcome welcome to this forum.

You are so brave and so honest and you have already taken the most important step by acknowledging that you need to change some things in your life.

Stay strong

Tracy ( another vaper) x

 

[caz78]

Thank you Tracy, what a kind thing to say:bighug:such a warm welcome here.

I'm so pleased to be joining you all.

Happy vaping!

 

[wafflewaffle]

Hi here to offer support and follow your journey, we have a few things in common-

-About the same amount to lose
-I have also given up smoking (the same time as I started dieting almost, I've done nearly a month now)
-I suffer with anxiety
-I am a really fussy eater, I've never bothered seeing a doctor to have it confirmed, but I am also strange on textures, only eat a handful of foods, I used to be so bad that all I ate was bread, potatoes, beans & peas pretty much, I wouldn't have foods touching, I still don't have beans on toast or anything I have beans next to toast lol!!

Anyway this is not about me, this is about you just wanted you to know your not on your own and well done for getting through the worst week, week 1! Xx

 

[caz78]

Thank you!

In a way I am glad to meet someone with similar problems, in a way it's sad cos I know what a struggle it is. I really appreciate you letting me know I'm not alone - especially with the fussy eating, it makes diets sooooo hard!

We're here and we're doing it though, so we're already winning!

You have lost lots! I hope I can do as well

 

[caz78]

I took some before photos last night, no one else will EVER see them lol. It was a shock to say the least. I wore too small yoga pants and the always unforgiving white vest top. It showed EVERY lump, bump, fold and roll.

I suspect one day I will be glad I took them though

 

[wafflewaffle]

Thank you! In a way I am glad to meet someone with similar problems, in a way it's sad cos I know what a struggle it is. I really appreciate you letting me know I'm not alone - especially with the fussy eating, it makes diets sooooo hard! We're here and we're doing it though, so we're already winning! You have lost lots! I hope I can do as well

I know what you mean it can be a struggle because no variation and I dunno if your like me but there's always one meal I go back to for comfort when I get anxious and it's not a healthy one its pizza lol!
I just try and do a menu plan which is pretty much the same every week week with the few changes with the healthier stuff I can manage!

You can do as well! And yes we are here and winning woo!! Do u/can u do any exercise? That's helps with the stopping smoking and the anxiety/depression for me at least xx

 

[caz78]

I'm doing the same! I have worked out all the healthy foods I can eat and worked a meal plan around them. I'm trying not to eat my favourite - egg (yolk only - eek!) and chips with bread and butter - oh the fat! LOL. Won't be eating that again for a very long time!

as for exercise, I have a great elliptical machine, well it's evil really but boy does it make me sweat. I can only manage 10 mins a time at the moment but that will increase. I have also got a yoga dvd to try and calm me. I will admit I have stopped and started with it, but I will be doing it more regularly. I plan on elliptical one day (it cost a bomb so I better use it!) and yoga the next.

Will see how I go from there. It's funny, I have my workout mix on my mp3 and it has a good dozen songs on it - I can't make it past 3 or 4 songs so that was a bit optimistic!

x

 

[caz78]

I know this probably sounds awful when I have only just joined but can I have a rant please?

Please don't think I am an awful person but my sister has upset me hugely today and it's knocked me right down. The diet's going great and I'm not struggling there but her attitude has knocked me for 6!

Don't get me wrong, her diet is her business and mine was pretty bad, obviously, but it's her attitude that she knows best and I'm being stupid.

She started Orlistat 3 weeks ago. Her diet is appalling, pre orlistat she was eating a minimum of 6 pcks full fat crisps a day, 2 share bags of chocolate, full fat pop - litres of the stuff, big buckets from kfc, biscuits, pizzas (not just one either) sausage and bacon butties for breakfast every day. I won't go on anymore, you get the idea.

Ok, so a lot of us have eaten like this, that's one way we get big. That's not what's upset me.

She is STILL eating like this on Orlistat. She says the way to do it is to work out how much you can get away with eating before you suffer bad side effects. I told her I still ate 1pk low fat French fries crisps a day and she laughed and said 'oh you can eat 3 of those easy and you won't get side effects' she actually laughed at me! She's bragging how much she can still eat.

So, I thought, well the proof will be in the pudding. I thought she was bound to be disappointed.

Nope! She rang me today to say she has lost a stone in 3 weeks!!! Then she had the nerve to tell me she told the nurse about me and she had said I would never stick to my diet as I wasn't having junk food and that my sister had the right idea!! If I hadn't seen her and noticed her weight loss I wouldn't have believed it.

My mum says she will lose weight fast as it's her first time 'dieting' and that even though she must be eating at least 3000 calories a day now it was at least 6000!

I can't help but be discouraged.

To make matters worse I am angry with her anyway cos she took my little boy out for tea last night - pizza hut (on orlisat!!!) she ordered a fortunes worth of greasy junk and made him eat more than he wanted and he was up being sick all night.

she won't be taking him out again that's for sure, poor boy!

I haven't been this angry at anyone for a long time!

 

[wafflewaffle]

I know this probably sounds awful when I have only just joined but can I have a rant please? Please don't think I am an awful person but my sister has upset me hugely today and it's knocked me right down. The diet's going great and I'm not struggling there but her attitude has knocked me for 6! Don't get me wrong, her diet is her business and mine was pretty bad, obviously, but it's her attitude that she knows best and I'm being stupid. She started Orlistat 3 weeks ago. Her diet is appalling, pre orlistat she was eating a minimum of 6 pcks full fat crisps a day, 2 share bags of chocolate, full fat pop - litres of the stuff, big buckets from kfc, biscuits, pizzas (not just one either) sausage and bacon butties for breakfast every day. I won't go on anymore, you get the idea. Ok, so a lot of us have eaten like this, that's one way we get big. That's not what's upset me. She is STILL eating like this on Orlistat. She says the way to do it is to work out how much you can get away with eating before you suffer bad side effects. I told her I still ate 1pk low fat French fries crisps a day and she laughed and said 'oh you can eat 3 of those easy and you won't get side effects' she actually laughed at me! She's bragging how much she can still eat. So, I thought, well the proof will be in the pudding. I thought she was bound to be disappointed. Nope! She rang me today to say she has lost a stone in 3 weeks!!! Then she had the nerve to tell me she told the nurse about me and she had said I would never stick to my diet as I wasn't having junk food and that my sister had the right idea!! If I hadn't seen her and noticed her weight loss I wouldn't have believed it. My mum says she will lose weight fast as it's her first time 'dieting' and that even though she must be eating at least 3000 calories a day now it was at least 6000! I can't help but be discouraged. To make matters worse I am angry with her anyway cos she took my little boy out for tea last night - pizza hut (on orlisat!!!) she ordered a fortunes worth of greasy junk and made him eat more than he wanted and he was up being sick all night. she won't be taking him out again that's for sure, poor boy! I haven't been this angry at anyone for a long time!

Grrr everything u told me about your sister would grind my gears big style!!
My sister is a naturally thin person lucky cow! X

 

[caz78]

I know what you mean 'Wafflewaffle' It's just not fair is it?! She was the smaller sister but hasn't been for a while now. It's been going on for years but she really does think she's still so much smaller than me.

She's actually bigger than me and has been for a while but she thinks so much of herself that she can't see it. Three weeks ago she was 18.2, she is 17.3 now. How can anyone lose that much weight that fast eating like that! Probably cos she's 10 years younger (sigh!)

Even though she's bigger than me she talks like a thin person. stuff like how she can eat what she wants and still maintain or lose weight, how her bf doesn't like the huuuuge amount of weight she's lost cos she 'wasting away' How she feels sorry for me cos I have gained weight!

What also annoys me is that I like to be comfortable in my clothes so I will buy a size bigger. She will wear things that are so small they are full of holes where they are literally splitting...all so she can brag she wears clothes SO much smaller than mine.

Grrrrrrrrr

I probably am being quite mean but it's so hard to deal with. She has always been hard work.

In fairness I was hoping we could take this journey together and support each other. It's cos of her that I gave orlistat a go. She just thinks I am stupid for not letting the pills do the work for me. as far as I am aware they aren't a magic bullet and I should do well if I stick to low fat - around 30g a day and stick to my bmr calories. The fact she has lost so much has her convinced that eating as much fat as possible yields greater results.

I can't have someone with that mentality as my diet buddy.

Thank God I found you guys!

Honestly, I think I'm going to take a loooooong break from her as much as possible.

For the sake of my sanity!

I'll stop being mean now. I don't like being mean but she drives me to it lol.

Caz x

 

[TracyGWill]

Hmm, your sister's attitude to the Orlistat does sound a bit reckless - I presume she realises she's at risk of having orange oil leaking uncontrollably from her rear end? :O I must admit I didn't used to pay much attention to fat levels when I was on it, I only counted calories, and the only time I had the side effects was, funnily enough, after a trio to Pizza Hut one Christmas. As you correctly say, it won't do the work for her, she may lose quickly at first if she's reduced her intake significantly, but that won't last, she eventual need to be disciplined. You just concentrate on yourself, and if you want to do it by eating low fat and you're happy doing it, go for it. I'd just advise not being too deprived, or it's hard to stick to. xx

 

[caz78]

Hi Tracy, not trying to creep but you're an inspiration, your weight loss is phenomenal and if I manage half as well on orlistat as you then I will be ecstatic!

That's the gushy bit over lol.

I was in shock to be honest. She had pizza, cheesy garlic bread, wedges, onion rings and chocolate brownie. My stomach can't handle that naturally! She said the only side effect she has, eating like that, is going to the loo twice a day.

I was a bit of a Jekyll and hyde with what I ate pre diet. In the day I wasn't too bad. I prefer the taste of low fat foods. But in the evening out came the crisps, chocolate, sandwiches, scones etc and I would eat until I literally couldn't fit anymore in. It was a terrible habit and I am determined not to go back to it.

I had to have major surgery as a child and lost a part of my intestines. I nearly got lumbered with a colostomy bag, I was very lucky to avoid that. Since then I have been unable to eat fried food. Since I was ten at the time I never developed the taste for it. I always had oven chips and baked crisps. The only food I fried were eggs and I couldn't eat the fatty outsides but I enjoyed the yolk. My tummy didn't though but not as bad as if I ate the bits in oil. Cheese, butter and milk were always a problem if I had too much but amazingly pastry, chocolate, cake, biscuits and baked crisps didn't - so I munched them to my hearts content.

I won't say my meds caused my weight gain, as you can see my bingeing did that. However I did gain 4 stone in 5 months when I went on my meds. That was quite a shock but I was too ill to realise. That was a horrible place to live in for a while.

As I have said I struggle with my restricted diet (fussy eating) to keep my calories very low, but when I focus on eating real food in the day I tend to prefer low fat. I wonder if I am having enough fat for the orlistat to work?

On previous diets I have 'tried' to stick to 1200 but come the evening I was famished and then I would crack and binge. This time I am eating little and often and feeling completely satisfied. It was actually hard on the first 2 days as my body wasn't used to eating regularly in the day so I had to make myself eat something. I have been reading about bmr calories and I'm pretty much sticking to that. About 1600 cals.

Eating properly in the day has made not bingeing at night easy. I just worry if I am eating too many cals?

I'm comfortable and satisfied at that and have had no side effects whatsoever. I wonder if I am on the right track or if I need to eat more fat? I'm at around 30g a day and enjoying what I am eating. I'm also wondering if there is much point in orlistat if I'm not taking that much fat in?

I should have asked this when I got them but my gp practically threw them at me. I asked a few questions but she looked at me blankly when I asked if it was right what I had read that you should stay under 45g a day to avoid side effects. I bet the nurse will be more help when I go for my weigh in - unless she's like my sister's and thinks you shouldn't change your eating habits much!

That can't be right???

Caz x

 

[TracyGWill]

Aww, thanks, Caz, that's very kind.

I'd say to maybe increase your fat intake a bit - I think the guidance is up to 45g a day. As I said, I was a bit of a one for pushing the boundaries, but not to the extent your sister seems to be doing! I do have a terrible sweet tooth, so could never give up chocolate, lol. It's really a matter of finding a way that you can comfortably maintain, whilst not incurring the wrath of the tablets!! xx

 

[caz78]

Oh I would love to be able to not give up chocolate! Thing is I'm like the cookie monster the minute I get a taste lol. It's how all my diets have failed. As soon as I get a taste I go into binge mode. I hope one day to be able to just have a taste and then stop. I'm sure that will come in time.

I also need to be careful how to increase fat without setting off my existing stomach problems hmmmmm... The fat in my diet before mostly came from crisps and chocolate etc.

The more I think about it, the more I wonder if Orlistat is for me? If I'm not bingeing I naturally prefer low fat food.

I think I need to see how I go this first month then have a chat with the nurse and see if she can be more help than my gp was lol.

I think the main benefit from orlistat for me is I would be too scared to binge on them, the results would be very off putting I'm sure!

Thanks so much for the advice. At least I'm reassured I can be a little more relaxed! I can go back to normal size eggs and not be scared I can change back to semi skimmed milk too!

Do my calories seem ok or am I allowing too many do you think?

Caz x