Thread: KDs Earlier Maintenance Diary

Well, most of it's yummy

Does seem awful giving away most of the pressies, but I always appreciate the thought

They really are such great kids. Okay...some take a bit longer to love

Originally Posted by Isobel1965

Blimey, guv!!! They really love you, don't they!!!

How very sweet!

Okay. To be fair. As I'm a music teacher and teach in a couple of schools, as well as at home privately, I do teach loads of kids. It's only a small portion that buy pressies. Besides...they only love me for my boomwhackers which I call my "weapons of mass distruction". The title appeals to them for some reason.

They also like my leather jackets. Tell me that means "I'm cool"

Oh my goodness. Phew. Big, waffly story coming up...warning!!

Sunday: Start Christmas shopping. This is early for me, but I’m a bit scared that gallstones, teeth problems might return, so think it’s wise to get everything ready ahead of time.

Go to town centre and start shopping. Fall in love with a jacket that’s in the wrong size I love jackets like many love handbags. I really wanted this jacket. Get back in car and go to next shopping centre. Still in the wrong size. Repeat ad exhaustous. Still can’t get the ruddy jacket…that I must have now!

So I spend the whole day searching shops and doing little Christmas shopping. Decide that I really must go home as I’m shattered (think there’s still a wee dram of morphine in my system from that hospital visit). So I give up on the jacket

I just couldn’t wait to get home and have a coffee. Put my feet up for a while and recover. The journey seemed so long. All the traffic lights on red…you know the feeling?

Just as I come through the front door, eldest son is there to greet me. It seems that “The Cousins” are arriving in 30 minutes!!

OMG!! They can’t!

Eldest doesn’t understand. Why the panic? But the house……….??? “don’t worry…they’ve come to see you….not the house”

Oh come on. Eldest has lived with us for 19 years. He must know. He has to. He can’t have missed that. The Cousins don’t come to see me, well not in the way he’s thinking.

Think Aggie from “How Clean is Your House”. Okay…perhaps not…fur trimmed gloves too tacky. Think “Trinny and Susannah”. Think Upstairs, Downstairs, Hudson. Think royalty. Got it? And they are visiting in 30 minutes???

Needs quick thinking. What to do next. Okay a quick mental list.

1. Move. No..will take too long.
2. Redecorate. Well, it’s taken me 7 years to chose a colour for the living room walls, can’t see me decorating in 30 minutes.

Need a plan B. Yes..this is much more doable.

Take spare duvet covers from ironing basket.
Replace all other items that have tumbled out
Open end of duvet cover and start filling.
Empty house into duvet covers.
Leave sofa, television, filter coffee machine, 3 unchipped unstained cups. Pack away everything else for the perfect minimalistic look.

Place filled duvet covers behind bush in garden.
Return to house and close kitchen blinds so contents of house cannot been seen from window. Be ready to explain that “blinds are shut so as not to fade the pattern on the best china”

What best china? It doesn’t matter what best china! Who’s to know it’s up in the loft.

Spray furniture polish in air and flick around with feather duster.

Turn on robotic vacuum and set off coffee machine (giving it a quick wipe and shine first).

Perfect.

Damn…kids are still around. Wonder if I can get them in the duvet cover. Everything must be perfect. Kids aren’t perfect. Of course, The Cousins kids (Cousins are older than me) were perfect when they were younger. I do remember them being anything but perfect myself. I remember their 3 boys smoking in the ladies loos , when they were about 14 and I’ll never forget them putting my teddy down that loo and flushing it.

Seems I’m the only one who remembers that. Strange.

Suggest my boys amuse themselves in next Borough.

Boys on the other hand are walking around asking where the computer has gone

Oh my goodness!! I’m not a size 10!! Oh no! I forgot. Maybe if I put on something huge and tell them that I’ve got so small, I can’t get clothes to fit me. Wonder if they’ll fall for that?

Never mind. Other things to do. Cut fringe and quickly use thinning shears on top of mop. Doorbell rings. Answer the door with my best speaking voice. It’s a friend

Friend: Oh my god…you look dreadful.
Me: Thanks
Friend: Get yourself off to bed now.
Me: Can’t….The Cousins are coming.
Friend: Oh no! Not The Cousins! They can’t come!

(See…she knows…how come eldest son doesn’t?)

Friend: Go to bed. I’ll phone them…tell them they can’t come. You’re not well enough.
Me: They’ve got to come….I’ve emptied the house. It’ll all be in vain.
Friend comes in and tells me to sit down while she makes me a coffee. Then she has to leave as her children are alone.

Doorbells rings again. The Cousins. They can’t stop. Just popping around as they haven’t seen me for a year and wanted to check I was still alive.

They didn’t even come in!

OMG, you are soo funny, are you sure you don't teach English, you should write a book, your brilliant the way you describe everything, I laughing my head of at your "Cousins",,I do things like that when family come to visit, duvet full of stuff behind bush in the garden tops anything I've ever tried though so well done.

Caz

Oh Karion all that for nothing.

Well leave everything in the duvet till after Christmas and then you're prepared for any other unexpected guests.

We always have to have a mad tidy-up when anyone comes, my daughter thinks this is the norm and you only tidy up when people come -oooops.

OMG you made me laugh so much!

my kids used to ask me 'who's coming?' when they saw me going into clean up mode.

Karion you are such a star, you make everything sound so much fun!!!!

Wow Karion
that was soo funny to read - obv not for you tho!

I'm just having a bit of a tidy now, stopped for a break and came on here... got loads of clothes to fold - wonder if I can find a duvet cover!!

I'm a sorry state aren't I

And if you are thinking "oh well...least things couldn't get worse", I can assure you they did

Oh...the evening Please don't let that evening happen again. Please pray for me

You cant leave it like that .................

Come on tell auntie cani all!!!!!!!!!!

yeah c'mon what happened next!

Dear Aunti Cani.

Glad you asked, cos this one is playing on my mind.

Okay, so The Cousins didn't get past the door, and I flaked out on the sofa for about 5 minutes.

Then I get another visitor. I never get visitors when the house is tidy

This one is a music student of mine, so it doesn't really matter. Isn't that always the way

Anyway...I had a concert to go to in the evening. It's a Big Band run by a friend and a few of my students play in it. This particular student had a message for me.

Could I please get there early? Okay...no problem...guess they need help setting up..but no. Mrs Big Band leader needs to talk to me

So I turn up early and report to Mrs Big Band leader. She tells me that Anna hasn't turned up and she's short of a '1st flute' player. Could I stand in? Ummm. I actually don't own a flute which is a major drawback. I envisage myself lying on my side and whistling Ohh...just the thought of laying down

No. Unfortunately, they will lend me a flute. Okay, I can actually play one and I know the music (cos I wrote it ), but that's not the point. I had never actually tried playing the part, and sometimes I can be a little over ambitious with my arrangements

Anyway...I agree. I'll blow quietly...nobody will notice. She says something else, which I don't catch. "blah blah blah...is that okay?"

"Yeah...that's fine". Why did I say that

So there am I, suddenly a member of the rather professional Big Band, pretending that I know what I'm doing.

Anna is an excellent flautist. Her part is hard, but fortunately the trombones are behind me...who's to know what I'm playing

Just then I see on the score "Anna...solo part"

The conductor is waving her baton at me threateningly. The music grinds to a halt and about 300 faces glare at me from the audience.

Ohhh....oh....ohhhh....shhhhiii.bother!

I'm told that I did it Personally, I have no idea what I played..but it was rather a nice little tune. Merrily We Roll Along rings a bell

OMG, I bet you nearly keeled over in shock lol!!!!!!!!!!!

I reckon you was ace, they wouldnt have asked you otherwise

Teehee. I can laugh now when I look back on it. At the time I just thought "oh well...nothing else can possibly go wrong today".

Never played in a big band before and will probably be never asked to again

And the end someone came up to me and said "I didn't know you played the flute".

Ummm. I don't. I'm a pianist

Aw, well done for doing it!!!!