Thread: AJ's LL Management Journey!

So, after next Tuesday, I am on my own. That is, no 'rules' to follow which have been set by others. Just rules set by me that I have developed over the past few months.

Onward and forward into the next chapter eh You've certainly done the ground work. You are going to do just fine...........

Quote by Ponsetta:
"in the before u look so 'mumsy' (i dont know if thats the right way to describe it), but now in your M&S dress u look like a woman instead of just a mum"


Yeah! I'm just a sexy babe now!

Just seen your piccies and you look fantastic - so tall and slim! and loads younger.

Sure you'll do well on the next bit. I really enjoy reading your diary.

BTW I just read about your cruise - sounds fab!

Here's another installment...

Yesterday I bought some Tesco Finest dark cooking chocolate and had a fondue with fruit last night. Just a bit. Ooh it was nice.

I also bought a bar of dark chocolate with ginger and one with raspberry. I hope to have a couple of pieces every day to see what happens. Will it make we want to finish the whole lot?

I am fighting the urge to eat less at the moment. I am feeling anxious about putting on weight. Not perhaps surprising really as it has negative connotations. Because I am now eating 'everything' officially, it could be easy to stop losing and put on. I honestly don't want to lose any more, but I don't want to actually put any on.

So, I have been arguing with myself to get everything in perspective. What is important is that I eat lots of good veg and fruit, some quality protein, some lower carb carbs (wholemeal stuff,sweet potatoes, oats, fibre), some sugar stuff too (home made jam, quality dark chocolate, honey).

I am so pleased that today I can feel that my lower back is almost back to normal. That second session with the manipulation and accupuncture really hit the spot. The muscles in my bum/left thigh were so tight and twisted that I couldn't wiggle when I was trying to dance at the weekend, there was resistance and it just wasn't happening. After the second session, I could wiggle again, and did so around the room wearing knickers/bra. It was a sight to see! It means that sometime next week I can pop down to the gym with son and do some sort of toning workout, and start firming up. I was even able to do the hoovering today - a real achievement!

I don't know if I mentioned that when I visited Liverpool we went to TKMaxx to try on evening frocks. I tried a few in size 12's and they fitted (!), including one in baby pink (not my colour). My daughter tried to persuade me to buy it. No way will I wear pink at my age! It is still a source of amazement to me that I fit size 12. Surely it is a mistake? I'll wake up and find it's all a dream! Hahaha!

I don't know if I mentioned that when I visited Liverpool we went to TKMaxx to try on evening frocks. I tried a few in size 12's and they fitted (!), including one in baby pink (not my colour). My daughter tried to persuade me to buy it. No way will I wear pink at my age! It is still a source of amazement to me that I fit size 12. Surely it is a mistake? I'll wake up and find it's all a dream! Hahaha!


AJ, if your daughter is anything like mine, she probably knows what will suit better than you do!! Mine (aged just 8!!) often gets me to go through my wardrobe, t choose what she deems suitable for any one occasion. The sad thing is, she is very rarely wrong and I do tend to wear what she suggests!

As for size 12, oh how I long for those days! No wonder you still cant believe it; I doubt I will if and when I ever get there!

Your thread is such an inspiration to me, and I suspect so many others! Thanks!!

My daughter is 13! She just has to look at something I want to try on and her expression says it all. "What's wrong with it?" I ask looking puzzled. "It's comfortable."

She just looks at me as if to say 'it's sooooo old fashioned'. "You can't wear THAT mum!" she exclaims in horror. Shopping with Jayne is definitely a fun experience!

I feel like I am living life in the centre now, not just drifting through clinging to the sides.

It is so much about how we perceive ourselves, how others perceive us, how we perceive how others perceive us, which give us a feeling of self-worth (if that makes sense). I remember reading a sci-fi book a long time ago where people took on the appearance they wanted - everyone wanted to be young and beautiful! So even 'old' people could look young forever - I love the idea of that.

Ah well, it looks like a lovely day outside, Sez. I will go for a walk, I think.

Hi AJ

Just caught up with reading your journal. Sorry I didn't get to meet you on holiday. Checked the website before leaving but you hadn't replied then got DH to check on his phone several times but I thought the website was called minimums and not minimins so couldn't find it! How thick am I? We ended up going to Falkirk on several occasions too. I can honestly say that doing LL on holiday was the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't know how I managed it but managed to lose 10lb since I was last weighed so I suppose it was worth it. lost 44lb now in 10 weeks. It is so inspiring reading your journal and it is interesting to see how you are changing as you have gone through the maintenance journey; from doubting and being scared to confident that you can achieve the long term results you want. This is my interpretation of what you have written anyway! If I can do half as well as you I will be thrilled!

It's great to hear from you Helen, yes, our posts just got mistimed I think. I am sure we will meet one day!

I am so pleased you persevered with staying on track despite difficulties. How did you manage to overcome them? Did you try thought records? Any advice to others would be hugely helpful.

There is no doubt that I have acquired a different, more positive outlook since achieving this goal. The question I ask myself is this...

Did I lose confidence because I was fat? Or, was I fat because I didn't have confidence?

I wonder if it was significant that I started dieting when a susceptible young teenager, desperate to be accepted by everyone, and was vulnerable to feelings of rejection. I soon got sucked into the 'dieting treadmill' and an awful period of yo-yo weight loss and weight gain followed - for the next thirty years.

Is it any wonder that I lost the plot and believed that I was the failure, rather then my dieting methods? That my belief in myself as an ok person was so tied up with what I weighed? That I never really progressed into proper maturity from being that impressionable 13 year old? That I am now making up for lost time!

I suppose that LL did something a whole lot more for me than enable me to lose weight. I mean, I have successfully 'lost' probably 100 plus stone over these past thirty years. It sounds a lot but averages out at about 3 stone a year. Factor in putting back on more each time, and you see a terrible, destructive pattern which repeats itself over and over and over again.

How did LL really help? Well, it took me out of the 'loop' of eating for a start. That was a wonderful freeing experience for me. I had breathing space to step back and take a long, hard, objective look at my life, my eating habits, and everyone elses too. It was a real eye-opener, let me tell you. When I was stuck deep 'in the food' as it were, I couldn't see what was going on, I was too close.

Being able to step back and watch, and analyse my reactions to food and eating situation, to remember my past eating behaviours, enabled me to start the business of creating new pathways, rationally.

So while LL was extremely difficult in some ways (socially difficult, particularly), it was also incredibly easy too. Although I shopped and cooked for the family, I was removed from the whole experience and didn't have much interest in eating what they ate. In my head 'it wasn't for me' so I switched off that part. I did have anxieties about others' reactions to what I was doing, and indeed some family members were negative (and still are believe it or not), and I was thankful that 250 plus miles separated us! However, all the way through I knew that I would make it to 100 days unscathed, and I did. I did a few extra weeks before moving on to Management.

Management was just as important as Foundation and Development. I could not perceive not doing it. It was, for me, the way I could develop new and positive eating habits to take with me through the rest of my life. I followed the 'rules' as carefully as I could (was this adapted child?). It was important to me that I gave myself the best chance to succeed because failure was simply not an option.

Tomorrow is the last day of Management. I will still attend meetings weekly at the moment, but can now attend when I want. And I do want to.

So, here I am with the new stable, lasting and unwavering eating habits I have been creating over the past three months. It is a bit like being reborn. Everything is new, and there are challenges and opportunities everywhere. I did not dare to see them before. But what's stopping me now?

Good heavens, I have waffled on a bit! I will finish now and chat later!

Good heavens, I have waffled on a bit!

Keep waffling AJ, it's great! You express things so well and I know I'm not the only one who finds it incredibly helpful. I'm starting management next Sunday and having read this thread I'm raring to go - it's like having a clean slate. What an opportunity. I've been going through my (many) cookery books and am so looking forward to trying new things. My husband is horrified as I've told him he'll be eating lentils - I read that a child gets used to a new food after 10 goes so there's no reason why it shouldn't work on him!

Oh yum Goombagirl!

I jus' lurrve lentils (soup that is). Hide them in the soup! In fact, it's amazing what you can put in soup that the kids don't know about (healthy veg for example). "What's in it?" they ask suspicously. "Oh, just lentils, potatoes, and mumble, mumble, mumble ....!"

Wow AJ - your posts are amazing! - You say everything so clearly and exactly how they are! You're an inspiration and extremely helpful! I think you'd fit the bill ideally for a LLC! Is that anything you've considered? You certainly sound like you can help alot of people learn from your experiences!

Aw Tommee, you say the sweetest things...

The fact is, I like my evenings to myself so, no I wouldn't do any work that had to take place in the evenings. That's quite apart from the initial expense of becoming a counsellor, of course.

No, I'll just post on here, for free!

awww well your advice and experience is certainly very kind and I, as well as many others I bet, are extremely grateful

Originally Posted by tommee2004

awww well your advice and experience is certainly very kind and I, as well as many others I bet, are extremely grateful

I certainly echo this quote from Tommee. I literally relish reading your thoughts and opinions on LL, and your new life.

You are helping me enormously, and every time I feel myself about to waver, I jump on Minis and there you are, helping me!

Thanks so much AJ!

Thanks Sez, I really enjoy reading your posts too!

I'm just getting ready to go to my meeting - waiting for son to return home from playing out. He'd better not be late! I'm dropping him off at a friend's house while I'm out.

Just had a phone call from opticians. Bad news re the replacement frames I ordered for my daughter. They are in stock but... they only have them in black, rather than burgundy. I've had to ok them anyway because she needs them for school. I don't relish telling her later though. Although perhaps black will look even more fashionable?

God, teenagers are so fussy. I'm sure I wasn't like that at her age!

Good news, Jamie has just come back, one minute early! Got to go now. Speak later.