Thread: Minerva; Confessions of a Food Addict.

Just popping in to say Hi

Great diary...great thoughts...excellent grub.

WTG you!!

Originally Posted by KD

Just popping in to say Hi

Great diary...great thoughts...excellent grub.

WTG you!!

Well thank you very much for popping in! I do plan to reply to your PM, but I need to finish that book first to give you my full thoughts on it.


In other thoughts, the LL Maintenance website is full of lovely tips and recipe ideas and stuff. I'm having fun browsing through. ^_^


At the moment I'm making a paper book-journal for myself as well - I'm printing out all relevant information (such as nutrition info, food and maintenance tips) anything that I find useful in forming a more in-depth understanding of how to make the right choices for life. And it helps having it all in one place, rather than being forgotten as website bookmarks, remnants of a memory. ...


Taken from LL Maintenance Website:

Your ten-point checklist for success

1. Continue to work on creating a more helpful, balanced way of thinking.
2. Create a personal weight-management plan to fit in with your own lifestyle.
3. Develop new, sustainable, healthy eating habits, including:
   
   • eating regular meals and fewer snacks
   • eating or preparing most meals at home rather than mostly eating fast food or using convenience food
   • having smaller portions
   • eating more fruit and vegetables, and less fat and sugar
   • monitoring your intake, such as counting servings or kilocalories
   • sitting down to eat and paying attention to your meals.
   
   
4. Become more active on a regular basis.
5. Set weight-management goals that are achievable.
6. Self-monitor: weigh yourself at least weekly, keep tabs on food intake and activity levels, and continue to use thought records/logs to track your thinking patterns.
7. Continue to develop constructive ways to tackle stress and problems, so that challenges are less likely to lead to a return to old ways of coping (such as overeating).
8. Set up a support system: such as the LighterLife Management Programme, your Management group, Counsellor, family and friends, exercise buddies etc.
9. Recognise and tackle weight regain quickly.
10. Enjoy your new, lighter life!

---

I'm proud to say I can check all those off the list for now! Number 8: This website is the greatest for a support network for sure. I will aim to keep this journal up for as long as I feel necessary, or at least try to log my food choices until they become a more natural way of life. It's a way of self-monitoring as well, because I won't be able to lie about a snack I shouldn't have had in this journal! There is no running away from myself anymore.

Ugh WI day! I don't like Mondays!
Well as of tomorrow I'm on my last week of RTM - and I may make today my last day of 'weigh-in' with my LLC. But I will continue to weigh myself on Monday mornings and keep a record. I feel fairly confident that I can keep going on my own now. I should have 1 foodpack per day last week and this following week, but I just didn't. I'm going alone, counting calories just to get into the habit of visually being able to assess what sort of portion I should have.
Getting the scales out for even vegetables is rather annoying! But not too much of a bother I suppose if I can learn to monitor myself. I determined that 25g suggested portion of almonds is about 30 of them and 155 calories... All this wealth of information I'm collecting in my brain; along side with portion information, the 'eat-well' plate thing, a NEED and love for vegetables (they're so awesome?), and I dunno. Just general stuff.
I'm just scared of things "creeping" back in. I guess this food diary will keep that sort of thing at bay. I hope...!!!

Argh; well since I don't eat much on a WI day... my menu today is fairly short.

Breakfast: 20g porridge oats diluted with hot raspberry tea (makes a raspberry porridge !) and about 80g Frozen Summer Fruits mixed in. ~110 calories .

Mid-day snack: A pear. ~65 calories.

Dinner: 100g Quorn chicken pieces (110 calories) made into a mild creamy curry (2 tsp half-fat creme fraiche and curry powders/herbs/turmeric (60 cal)) +120g chickpeas (145). +lots of veg (carrots, cabbage, broccoli ~ 125 cal) ~ around 440 cal.
With salad and gherkin additions = 500ish net if I finish the whole portion. ...which I didn't... end result worked out at about 350 tops.

Dessert: The other half of my sugar-free jelly with lots of frozen summer berry fruit. 55ish cal.

~585-610 ish for the day. ... ugh...

Did lots of housework, and some exercise on the bike... and cycled to LighterLife meeting. o.O so about 400 calories burned. ...

Hm.. I was supposed to introduce "carbs" a week and a half ago, and I can have 4 portions (as of tomorrow) of any that I want... But I'm having trouble with them. I have 1 portion (3 tbsp's of rolled oats) in the morning, but I'm scared of bread, pasta and rice (and grains/quinoa). I know what they do to me, I don't want to go back there... Ugh. This is so difficult. I can't cut them out forever, but I guess I need to work on a very slow reintroduction gradually. ... Maybe as of tomorrow I'll have them every other day, and work it up that way. .. meh.
1 portion/serving at a time... slooooooowly.

.......Maybe I'm still stuck in the mentality of wanting to lose more weight...I'm enjoying watching my ribs move under my skin. Enjoying feeling and seeing my hip bone and it's dips. ...this is getting a little out of hand....where am I going with all this ... maybe for the first time in my life I feel in control of my body. maybe I feel like I can actually have control over my eating. this is the longest I've gone without a binge (2 months now). a strange achievement to put down, but I do feel the urge to binge, but I resist. ... maybe I'm scared to reintroduce more food because I feel like I'll lose this control that I have now. I starve sometimes and I'm beginning to like it... because I feel like I am holding my choice in my hands. my brain is in control rather than my stomach. ... it's like a punishment for being hungry. ... ... ... emotion sickness.



Edit An addition to previous ranting... Making Amoretti biscuits (60 calories each) from a healthy eating book... Hope they turn out ok! Replaced the sugar with Splenda - but I did this with the macaroons earlier and it worked fine! Mmmm... Cooking is fun.

Ugh.. I do need to start eating a little bit more properly because I do feel like I'm starting to get a bit obsessive compulsive. I buy tasty healthy things, but when I get home I'm too scared to touch them for the fear of the "calorie monster". F*ck's sake woman Then again I like having control over what I eat and knowing exactly what's in my food. ... Meh. At the moment I'm having about 800-900 calories per day... so I have plenty of room to play with (my maintenance calorie target is 1700)... I'll get there eventually.
Tomorrow I'll start experimenting a little more with carbs; maybe have a 'pitta' pizza. 2 pittas are 300 calories and they'll be fun to make! I get to choose everything that goes on. Ooops not tomorrow.
Tomorrow I'm going out for Yo! Sushi! I've already looked at their website and their nutritional info for some of my fave dishes. Some I've substituted for lighter options, more fish, less wet sauces. A lovely selection of beautiful food to tickle my tastebuds - a late Birthday treat!

Okidoki; today's menu was rather exciting actually!

Breakfast: 20g Porridge oats + 1 pack of Cadbury's "Highlights" Hot chocolate (40cal!). Mmmmm. Chocolate porridge was very tasty. (about 110 cal total).

Small snack: 5 almonds and a home made amoretti biscuit. (~90 cal).

Late lunch: Wild mushroom omelette (using 1 egg). On a salad made of sprouting beans, a few cherry tomatoes, gem lettuce, sprinkled with a tsp. of sesame seeds and parmesan cheese. Mmmm. VERY tasty lunch. (~250 calories).
A pear (~60 cal).

Dinner: Chicken Fajitas with red peppers and Old El Paso fajita mix. Served in cabbage leaves with small helping of Light Mayo, sweetcorn, salad and carrot sticks. (~400 cal)

Dessert: Sugar-Free Jelly with lots of frozen fruit + some creme fraiche. (~70 cal).



Mmmmmm... Sushi. I have my list of the foods that I can freely have and their respective calorie counts. I'm all set to go!

Your menus are so creative min

Nothing wrong for wanting to know what's in your food and as for being obsessive, well...not in the long term, but early days at the mo...

It's when you get manic about things that it's a problem. Like cutting a wedge out of a slice of cucumber to save a calorie

And yes...I've done that in the past

Originally Posted by KD

It's when you get manic about things that it's a problem. Like cutting a wedge out of a slice of cucumber to save a calorie

And yes...I've done that in the past

Oh dearie me. *pets you on the head gently*

Nah, I'm only ever estimating the calories, rounding up rather than down. Things like lettuce or the skim. milk I have during the day (I don't have much), and the fruit teas I ignore completely.
And I'm not obsessive in the way of living on "rice cakes" because 2 rice cakes are going to be the same calorie wise as a slice of wholegrain bread = and the bread is gonna be better and healthier for me in the long run, because I do try to go for more Low Gi options (I do find I am 'fuller' for longer - which is something I did struggle with). Plus if I have a piece of bread I won't think I'm dieting - but living like a normal person. And that counts for far more than anything else!

I look at the nutrition I need like from nuts for the oils and essential fats, vitamins from all kinds of sources and random things for enjoyment.

As for the menu ideas, thanky! The creativity was inspired from reading your blog! I would never have thought of sprinkling random things on top of salads, or combining things I have lying around... So much texture and flavour can arise from just a small dollop of garlic puree, or just such rich nutty flavour from a sprinkle of sesame seeds for example. Is it wrong that I got over-excited when I received a 20-Jar SPICE RACK for my birthday? Lol I'm only 23. ... I guess this dieting malarkey actually woke me up to enjoy life and food so much more than before.


Ah life is good, but should never be taken for granted. Everything in moderation; but never in depravation.

Ahhh I want some more fruit tea. It's so yummy. Twining's multi-selection pack -is-awesome-...!

Writing in Sean’s RTM Blog made me aware of a deep issue I feel I do need to address with myself before I can start living a more ‘normal’ (is there such a thing as normality?) and healthy life – without ‘dieting’. First I must detach myself from food – which I am slowly doing. Food is ‘served’ at certain times of the day – if I’m hungry before or after those times – then TOUGH.

The issue I feel I must address is: What is “good” and what is “bad” in relation to food and our own behaviour? Crooked thinking gets the best of us here, and if we label something bad – it will cause issues in the long run.

* We as an individual can’t be “good” or “bad” because that would signify that we didn’t have control over our own actions. If we were “naughty” – oh let’s say had an extra cookie – we then feel guilt and usually shift the blame elsewhere. Once the shift of blame happens we become “victimised” and in essence fall into a guilt-cycle. … Now that is something we should definitely avoid. However – if we ELIMINATE the good/bad mentality and actively ALLOW ourselves to have the extra cookie – as in we actively choose to have it – the guilt cycle doesn’t begin, because the decision was 100% up to the individual.

* Food cannot be “good” or “bad” because if something becomes labelled as “bad” it is then usually forbidden in the “dieter’s” mind. That creates an aura of danger around the food item which may result in fluctuations in subsequent behaviour. The forbidden fruit will become too tempting – that’s why we can’t live on rice cakes forever! A slice of bread is on the whole better for us (sustains us longer, and has more essential nutrients we need!), and about the same “calories” as 2 rice cakes. Everything in moderation and not too often. We CAN have the chocolate cake on certain occasions, we CAN have a greasy fry-up – just keep an eye on the portion size. A Forbidden/Bad Food will only induce a later binge because it would usually be avoided. … then the guilt cycle begins and the “dieter” throws in the towel saying something similar to “I’ve blown it now, screw this” and proceeding to keep on eating more and more of the forbidden foods spiralling further into guilt.

- Now the lesson to learn here is … if you want some chocolate for example – then have some. But a small amount rather than a bucket – because more often than not – a small amount is all we need! Substitution doesn’t *always* work either, a piece of fruit won’t erase the chocolate craving. … but it’s advisable not to follow the first pang of craving… wait 30 minutes or so, if you still want that item then have some!

--- Not all cravings are true WANTS and may be associated with a physiological response (stomach acid build up to make you hungry – or blood sugar rise in relation to a smell or sight of something tasty) – or it could be a momentary flash of emotional hunger. … hence. Wait a few minutes and see how you feel then. J

I wonder why I get pangs of dizziness after I eat something? … weird.


Right… Today’s menu!

Breakfast: 3 Low-Calorie Carrot Pancakes. (50 cal per pancake – 150 total)(Recipe below!)

Lunch: 140g tin sliced mushrooms, 125g tin butter beans (118 cal), ½ tsp sesame seeds fried together with some Nando’s Hot sauce. Served on tomato and bed of spinach, and some gem lettuce. (250 kcal)
And half a pear. (30 kcal)

Dinner: Chicken Goulash with vegetables and cauliflower ‘rice’. Gherkins and salad on the side. (about 300 cal)

Dessert: 3 Carrot Pancakes and a small tin of pears. (235 cal.)



So far – 1100. (addition of small piece of home-made low-calorie flapjack.)
That's quite scary ... 1100 already and no real carbs added... 2 servings of 5 available to me. O_o ...



Rather proud of myself though that I split up my pancakes into two meals! And only had a fifth of a flapjack to try it and being able to put the rest away without any problem AT ALL...!!
I'm learning MODERATION! WOW. ... it is a big deal because I don't feel the urge to have to finish a packet "just because" there's a couple of left-overs in there. I can usually leave things alone now without feeling like I'm "depriving" myself. ... Wow. ... Feeling good. Feeling VERY good indeed.




Low-Calorie Carrot Pancakes. (Makes 6 – 50 cal per pancake... Size: a little bigger than the palm of the hand.)

1 egg (75 kcal)
20g Quaker’s Rolled Porridge Oats (75 kcal)
150ml skimmed milk (50 kcal)
15g plain flour (50 kcal)
1 grated carrot (100g – 30 kcal)
¼ tsp baking powder
¼ tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup Splenda
½ tsp cinnamon
A few tablespoons of water are optional – I put in some for a runnier batter.

280 kcal in mixture + 20 kcal from spray-oil. – makes 6 pancakes, so 50 calories each!

1)Soak the rolled porridge oats for an hour in the milk.
2)Mix in the flour, baking power and egg. Then add the vanilla, Splenda and the cinnamon – whisk together.
3)Grate some carrot and fold into the mixture. … Now the batter won’t look very useable, runny and lumpy (due to the carrot) all at the same time. So here’s my word of warning!!

Word of warning: This recipe does require some creative thinking. The grated carrot could and probably SHOULD be whizzed with a blender for a better consistency for the batter… The grated carrot I had to scoop out of the batter with a small tablespoon, spread out lightly on the pan, turn the heat right up as I pour the batter over the carrots so that it set into a nice shape, then turn the heat right down to very low immediately – cover sauce pan with a lid and let it cook for 4-5 minutes untouched. If you can perfect this strange method of grated carrot flakes and pouring the batter and juggling the heat on your stove – then you’ll have some awesome pancakes in the end.

4)The pancake should visibly rise a little, after about 4-5 minutes you can flip it, and cook it for a further 2-3 minutes at low heat.

Got it again with the good/bad thing. You are definitely on my wave length here as I was going to write something about this in my diary, but sort of got carried away with tother talk.

Carrot pancakes Are you crazy?

Originally Posted by KD

Carrot pancakes Are you crazy?

Why; aren't you crazy too? Thought it was a social gathering of us nutters here.

And despite what you may think - the carrot pancakes were UBER tasty. I am looking forward to having the other 3 for dessert in about 30 mins. Experimenting and counting things is fun. HMM!


As for the good/bad... I'm having fun working with it. It's a strange thing to catch myself thinking "I mustn't have that because it's BAD" though! ... Then I think about it, weigh out the pro's and con's and alternatives, and usually I may as well have that thing I was debating about. (i.e. Rice Cake Vs. Piece of Wholewheat Bread).

carrot pancakes sound interesting!

i got a magimix food processor today as i am cooking so much at the moment and i made a courgette cake (used courgettes instaed of carrots) looks and smells really nice, obviously i couldn't taste it.

All the kids ate it so it can't have been bad - i didn't tell them it was courgettes tho or they wouldn't have touched it lol!

i can't wait til i can start experimenting for me to eat - will def try your pancakes
daisy x

I wouldn't touch it if I knew it was courgette either! I had some the other day for the first time in my life, and the thought still makes me want to throw up.
You should have just used carrot! ...!!!!

And your time will come! You are close to goal and doing so very, very well! Your creations won't run away from you, they are right there waiting for when you are done. No rush, no hurry.
I did find that the first time I did LL - I was collecting and studying recipes for what to do after, but when I finished RTM I fell right into old routine of having the same old things I was having before... But since you actually are cooking for the family with your new-found passion; it probably won't leave so quickly!

Experimenting is fun eh!

Nothing really to report today.
Just sort of planned my meals out for today and made a "sugar-free" jelly using Splenda, gelatin, and a Mango I had lying around.

Supposed to be my last week of Lite RTM - but I hadn't had my packs for about a week and a half now - it's only 1 per day - and to be fair I'd rather spend the 130-150 calories they provide elsewhere with something more food worthy! Calories are fun to swap around - and somewhat fun in a way to count and know how calorie-dense something is. Not so much for obsessive purposes; or even counting so much... but just for future reference.

It's just that sense of 'control' that I like. Control is good.

Right; only had the breakfast so far, but I know what I'm having in the rest of the day already.


Breakfast: Mushroom & 'Sprouting' Bean omelette with half a tomato.
1 egg (75) + 2 mushrooms + 50g sprouted beans (65) + 30g milk + half tomato (24) = 180ish

Lunch: Chicken (50g) sautéed in some Teriyake sauce - together with sweet corn, carrot, garlic paste, quinoa, button mushrooms. Served with other half of tomato, and lettuce.
50g cooked chicken (78), 30g sweet corn (30), 100g carrot (40), 50g cooked quinoa (165),
= 350ish. ... didn't finish ... so 250ish

Dinner: Quorn Chicken (80g) oven cooked with garlic and red onion. Served with cauliflower & salad. + teaspoon of rice.
Quorn (82), cauliflower 150g (45), salad extras and gherkin/salad dressing/creme fraiche (100)
=230ish

Dessert: Mango - Jelly + 1 home-made low-cal flapjack.
Jelly: 35; Flapjack: 130. = 165.

So far: 825ish.

29th May. Friday.

Just falling into a routine now… Food is less of a hassle as I’m slowly letting go of the neurotic mentality of it all; and mixing and making an uber tasty meal from lots of lovely flavours is exciting. Making sure those choices are ‘healthy’ and filling is slowly becoming ‘natural’ way of things. I don’t have to think about it as such; and leaving a bit as “left-overs” is becoming like second nature. I become more worried if I DON’T leave something on my plate… a few months ago I used to become agitated if I didn’t finish everything on my plate. … funny how you can actually deprogram yourself from certain habits if you do try.


Maybe my quitting smoking helped understand the nature of addiction in relation to myself. I used to get cravings for a smoke, and on very rare occasions I still do get those pangs. But I know I can’t act upon that urge so I move on. I still get urges to binge, I absolutely get urges to keep eating or eat at inappropriate times… but I recognise it for what it is. An addictive desire, an addictive behaviour. … Break the cycle, reprogram, learn a different way of coping. …


…I understand now. I understand myself.



Breakfast: 20g Oats (plain) porridge: ~75

Midday: A bit of flapjack : ~95

Lunch: Prawns with mushrooms in soya and garlic. Served on tomato, cauliflower, radishes and salad + balsamic vinegar dressing and splash of lemon and parmesan cheese. ~250.

Apple ~50

Dinner: Cabbage – Extra Lean Mince Bolognase with loooooots of vegetables (carrot, cauliflower, fresh tomato, lettuce) ~ 420 tops.

Dessert: 120g Blueberries with Half-Fat Creme Fraiche. ~90

Day Net: 1000ish.

I do catch myself thinking sometimes – at the end of the meal; if there’s a small bit of food left on the plate and I can feel I’m full: “That little bit won’t make a difference, it’s so insignificant, a little won’t hurt”. … I can hear it clearly! But BECAUSE I can actually hear it in it’s full form – I do my best to say “No”. A little bit today – will be just a little more tomorrow, and then a little more … and then we’ll be back where we started.

I don’t want to get stuck in the undertow again.


Breakfast: Omelette with sprouted beans on a slice of wholegrain rye bread. A tomato on the side. Sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Mmmm. Cheese. ~285.


Spent about 5 hours on my feet walking around Kingston. Arrgh. But felt nice and 'full' for about 3 and a half hours after that lovely breakfast! Even the smell of sugary fried snacks didn't make me "feel" hungry... Strange - a good breakfast really does keep you going for ages. In fact it made me feel quite sick looking at ANY other food!


Lunch: Apple ~50

Dinner: Teriyaki Chicken stir-fry with vegetables, and cashews. ~460

Dessert: Sugar-free jelly + frozen summer fruits + crème fraiche. ~110


So far: 905

Just wanted to say I admire the way your self-talk is having such a positive effect.

Great stuff