I've been keeping my diary on the lighter life official forum but will now bring it over here too. Initially I'll just copy the entries I made over there with the date they were made. I warn you that sometimes I do tend to go on in bit in my diary!!! I do a mixture of lighterlife and slim and save.
So 11 weeks into the programme I have decided to make my first diary entry! So far I have lost 46 lbs (3 st 4 lbs) and have actually found the programme easy to stick to. I think it's because the rules are so clear and there's so little choice. I started doing this because I have type 2 diabetes. In the summer my blood sugar was way too high at over 10% despite the fact that I was taking 4 metformin and the diabetic nurse added another tablet. A few weeks later someone at work was telling me that they had started on lighter life and after some investigation I decided to join her. After 2.5 weeks of being on the programme I was completely off my diabetes medicine and my most recent reading was 7.4%! This journey is completely about health for me - which is why I am detemined to get into the healthy weight range.
So this week I lost 7 lbs! Not sure why sometimes I lose 2 lbs and another time 7 - but am very pleased! Also handed in my notice this week. Work was getting too stressful and I was having to work lots of extra hours. I was doing that before (for 9 months until May this year) and I just don't have the energy to do it again. It had a really bad effect on my marriage and I refuse to go through it a second time. A bit scary though as I'm the main wage earner. We can afford to live for a while without me earning and I could certainly do with the break - but underneath I worry that I may never work again!
So this week I gained 1 lb despite the fact that I have stuck to the programme. It was milk week last week though... It's also my TOTM. So I'm hoping I'll make up for it next week! It was a bit sad though to update my ticker to say at I've lost less weight than I had last week...
Strangely enough though it doesn't bother me overly. Onwards and upwards (or downwards hopefully!)
Excited because I just saw 14 stone something on the scales. The lowest I've ever been in my adult life was 14.5 stone and I'm nearing that now. Then I'm going to run straight past down to my goal of 10 stone! I've lost 4 stone so far so almost at my half way point - after only 14 weeks too. The speed of this diet is amazing. For some reason I know I'll lose the weight on this diet. I've never felt this way on any other diet. I'm concentrating now on how I'm going to keep the weight off when I get there as I think that'll be hard. I'm thinking of taking a long time over route to management - perhaps double the time they suggest on each stage. Just to make sure that it's normal for me by the time I finish. I don't want to have to do this again...
20/11/11 - Husband went to A&E with chest pains...
On Thursday my husband had chest pains all day and when I saw him in the evening I suggested that he call nhs direct for some advice. Within 2 minutes there were paramedics at the door and 5 mins later there was an ambulance and off we went to A&E. It all turned out OK as it wasn't a heart attack and all in all I guess it was quite entertaining (once I knew he wasn't dieing!). All of the nhs staff we came into contact with were fantastic and really thorough. It conteracts a lot of what you hear in the media - I was very impressed. It did end up being a 2 bar day though as he was rushed in before I'd had my fourth pack and all I had with me was a bar (one of the emergency ones I keep in my bag). Seeing as we were there until the early hours of the morning I was very pleased to have a bar with me but am slightly concerned about the affect of having 2 bars in one day...
Before the chest pain experience I had just told him that I'd lost 5 lbs this week and have now lost 65lbs - half the weight I want to lose. I'm hoping that's not what caused the episode!
09/12/11 - Using our Personality to the Best Advantage
During my session last night my LLC was talking about commitment / councelling / cost of LL as three things which people can have problems with. It sparked something in my brain. I am hugely into commitment. If I say I will do something for someone then I will absolutely do it - even if circumstances come up which make it difficult. If I make specific (but not general) commitments to myself then I will also always do it. I realised that is why I have stuck to the programme 100% and why I have been to every meeting (except last week when I was away). I'm wondering if I can use this aspect of my personality when I have lost the weight in order to help me to maintain. Just making a commitment to maintain wouldn't work for me because it's too general. But I could make a commitment to not have bread in the house for example. I'm going to have a good think about this and see whether there are some commitments I can make which would really help. It's really interesting to me that I can use an aspect of my personality to help in this. Probably shouldn't be a revelation - but it is!
12/12/11 - Heart attacks, car accidents and success!
So my father in law had another heart attack on Friday (he's ok again now). His last one was a couple of months ago and on hearing of it the first thing I wanted to do was eat. I didn't because I was on the programme but it was a revelation to me as I don't see a lot of evidence of emotional eating in the normal run of things. This time I didn't even think about eating. I'm hoping that means I've moved forwards in my thought patterns.
Then today an animal ran out in front of my car - I swerved to avoid it (successfully - it was fine) and hit a fence. I was only going about 20 but there is a huge amount of damage to the car. I could only open the door a little way (but managed to squeeze out! That wouldn't have been possible 4 months ago!). Didn't get stressed - just called in the cavalry and sorted things out. No thoughts of eating - I'm really pleased with my reaction.
To top it all I saw 13 stone something on the scales this morning! Isn't it odd that in the midst of problems I still feel like I've had a successful week?!
Just had this week's weigh in and I have now lost 78 lbs and am at 13 stone 10. I have never seen the 13 stone level in my adult life so this is huge for me! I also now fit in a size 16 - which apparantly is the size of the average woman in the UK! Who would have thought I'd be an average size?! Looking forward to losing another 10 lbs when I won't even be obese anymore!!!!
My father in law died today. Not unexpected. He's had MS for 20 years and has had multiple heart attacks. He's been in the hospital for the last week and when we saw him this morning he didn't know we were there and was in a very bad way. So sad but I know that I should celebrate his life. He's been in so much pain for so long now that it must be a good thing at some level. Perhaps at some point I'll be able to feel that. In the meantime there's my husband and his mum to support. Have felt hungry today but I'm assuming that it's all the emotion and I'm ignoring it.
So this week I've been out to a number of meals and although I haven't lapsed I have been getting worried about how I will eat when I have lost the weight. For example, sat with my husband whilst he had lunch in Pret a Manger. There are a number of things in there that I like (including salad and sushi) but when I asked myself what I would eat if I were finished I decided on a cheese sandwich (500 cals). If you are wondering why I would even ask myself that question I have decided to think these things through now so that I can identify problem areas and what I'll do about them well before being faced with the problem for real...
The cheese sandwich response is a bit worrying as it isn't the healthiest option and is the kind of thing I would have overeaten previously. However, I thought it through and decided that it would be fine to have this as long as I compensated for it on the same day by having a lower calorie dinner. This is a bit of a revelation to me - I have never compensated before for food which I've had. The next meal is normally completly divorced from the previous one and overeating at both is no worse than at one. I know that it doesn't make logical sense but that's how I regarded it.
Also, I decided that I could have something which I really liked but that wasn't the healthiest (otherwise the rebelious child in me would win at some point!) but that I would need to limit them. So perhaps one a week/fortnight/month. Not sure of the frequency yet but I have time to think about the concept.
I feel like if I can allow myself to enjoy these foods but ensure that I don't put on weight overall I could hit on a formula which might actually allow me to maintain my weight long term.
RULES SO FAR
1. If a certain food item is not healthy I can still eat it but I MUST compensate on the same day. Ideally I would compensate before eating the food (such as a light lunch before going out to dinner).
2. Every [frequency to be defined] I can have at most [number to be defined] meals containing food which is not healthy.
I had a planned lapse on Christmas Day. The first lapse I've had in 21 weeks. I had a fishcake and vegetables with a touch of gravy. I know it seems strange to have a fishcake but I don't eat meat so turkey wasn't going to happen.. (Mind you - before I started LL I was completely vegetarian and wouldn't have eaten fish either - so that was the first fish for over 20 years... I've decided to eat fish in an attempt to help with staying lighter at the end...)
I decided to have a planned lapse and eat Christmas dinner 2 months before hand. I also spent quite a lot of time deciding what to eat and decided on the fishcake because it was roughly the same calories, protein and carbs as a LL peanut bar. I only had two packs so am assuming the the veg and gravy counted as another pack. We'll see what happens with my weight this week!
I had planned it so much that it seemed perfectly normal to put the things on my plate and start to eat. In fact I wasn't even aware that I was doing anything unusual until I put some leek into my mouth and bit down. Then my brain was shocked! There was an unusual texture and taste! That really made me conecentrate on what I was eating and I thoroughly enjoyed it! Didn't mind not having the pud (don't have much of a sweet tooth anyway).
At Christmas tea I laid out lots of lovely bits for everyone and sat and ate a LL soup. I didn't feel that I missed out at all. I saw all the lovely things and I ate. OK - so I didn't eat the things on the table but I still thoroughly enjoyed it. It made me wonder whether I enjoy seeing the food and what the choice is more than I necessarily do eating it. I had a similar experience a few months ago when I was choosing food for my dad from a buffet at a family party - enjoyed choosing it and happy to give it to him and didn't miss eating it. I'm sure there's a lesson in there for me.
Anyway - back to the programme without any problems. I think that's because it was planned so carefully and so long ago and I stuck to my plan so that I don't feel like I broke the diet. I'm feeling so much better about the possibility of being able to maintain at the end following my experience yesterday! I can't explain quite how positive I'm feeling right now. Roll on the next 3.5 stone (or possibly 4.5 stone depending on whether I choose to move my goal)!
I am officially overweight now and not obese - or morbidly obese - anymore! This is the first time in my adult life that I have ever been overweight! Seems like a strange think to celebrate but I'm chuffed...
I'm going to start my second milk week tomorrow as I have now been on the programme for 25 weeks. Slightly concerned as I put 1 lb on during the last milk week. I think I might be sensitive to the carbs in milk, I guess I'll find out depending on my loss (if any) next week. Looking forward to being able to have some milk though! I know lots of people choose not to do milk week but my main driver for doing this is my health (I have type 2 diabetes) and I would rather do milk week and have no health issues than skip it and take the risk.
I just adjusted my goal weight down by half a stone! Not sure if it's the right move but I can always change it later. It does mean that my '75% of the way there' goal has moved further away though... My previous goal weight was 10 stone but I feel I would be better with 10 stone being the maximum I will allow myself to be - that way if I hit 10 stone it's a real warning to lose some. Not sure if it's realistic or if I'll look gaunt at that weight but I'll keep an eye on it.
I was away last weekend and my husband was in the hotel room in his hotel robe and said to me 'I bet you could wear one of these now'. I went and tried one on and not only did it fit but there was loads of cross over too! I wouldn't have even thought to try it as I have never fitted in a bath robe! I have also made a decision to move to lite. I have been on the diet for over 6 months now. In the beginning it was very clear that reducing my weight would have far more health benefits than any detriments the diet might have as I was morbidly obese with type 2 diabetes. After being on the diet for 3 months (obese - sugar under control without medication) I felt so good and healthy that I decided to continue. Whilst I still feel healthy I think that now that I am overweight rather than morbidly obese or obese my health would be best served by continuing on the diet but by also having vegetables in my diet. So I have arranged to see my LLC on Thursday to discuss lite and the rules around it. I am very happy with my decision. I really feel it will help me with portion control and maintenance at the end. It feels that I am making the next step in my diet and I'm really excited about it. I may have 4 packs some days and no meal. I'm thinking of doing lite perhaps 4 days a week. Next step!
So I have swapped from total to lite. I'd been on total for over 6 months and now I've been on lite for 3 days(!). I have to say that eating again has been a real pleasure. To have the textures and tastes again is lovely. However, yesterday was interesting as all day I was looking forward to my tea (chicken and salad). I haven't looked forward to food for months - I used to look forward to my bar too much until about 2 months in. So I find this a little worrying. Not only did I look forward to it but I was also really wanting something else to eat after it. Not hungry at all just wanting something. I had my tea at around 5pm and then I had a bar for supper at around 7pm because I really wanted to eat. Was in on my own and a bit bored which has definitely been a trigger for me in the past. Didn't have anything else so stuck to plan and realised what is happening so all positive. I'm really pleased I have moved to lite as it gives me a few months to understand what I am like around food and to develop coping mechanisms before RTM. Going to talk to my LLC about it at weigh in.
On a more positive note just had my tea (roast chicken and veges) this evening and am having no problems. Also, my husband cooked and we sat down together to eat. How lovely to share a meal rather than just eating at the same time - which we do sometimes!
On a final note before starting LL I had been vegetarian for over 20 years. As you can tell from above this is obviously not the case now! I have decided that although you can eat a very healthy meal whilst bing vege it isn't what I have done in the past. So I want to completely change the way that I eat and what I eat so that it almost doesn't feel like the same activity. Also, it's hard to get vege protein without other things accompanying it - such as fat with cheese or carbs with beans. I have type 2 diabetes and seem to be sensitive to carbs so not good. I detest tofu so it doesn't seem like the right thing for me health wise.
So last night I twisted my ankle. Swollen is morning but not too bad. Still managing to hobble to the kitchen to get my packs! Was planning a nice afternoon out today but not going to happen. Fingers crossed that it's ok tomorrow - I do NOT want to be in and bored - that's a dangerous combination for me!
Today I tried on some clothes. The aim was to see whether they would suit me when I get to my target of size 10. I'm currently a 14 so I picked up some bits in size 14 and tried them on in the changing room. Not only did they suit me but I looked fabulous - even if I do say so myself! I look so small from the side now and I was really shocked. Why does this shock me when I see myself in the mirror at home everyday? Perhaps it's because the mirrors are bigger and there are more of them? Or do they have sneeky 'hall of mirror' mirrors which make you look smaller? Well if so it worked as I rushed off and bought the dress in a size 10! The second fabulous thing happened at weigh in. First of all I lost 3 lbs when my scales at home had said that I had only lost 0.5 lb - I much prefer my LLC's scales! Then she told me that my BMI was 26.9! Not sure why that shocked me. I think it's because 26 is so close to 25! I started at a bmi of 43.9 so a huge change! I know I'm only 12 lbs off the healthy weight range but somehow to hear it put in bmi terms instead of weight made me realise it in a different way... Perhaps I'm just a bit mad...
So two wonderful fabulous shocks today - neither of which should have been a surprise at all!
