Thread: Weasey's Diary - The Journey to Size 10...

I just adjusted my goal weight down by half a stone! Not sure if it's the right move but I can always change it later. It does mean that my '75% of the way there' goal has moved further away though... My previous goal weight was 10 stone but I feel I would be better with 10 stone being the maximum I will allow myself to be - that way if I hit 10 stone it's a real warning to lose some. Not sure if it's realistic or if I'll look gaunt at that weight but I'll keep an eye on it.

I was away last weekend and my husband was in the hotel room in his hotel robe and said to me 'I bet you could wear one of these now'. I went and tried one on and not only did it fit but there was loads of cross over too! I wouldn't have even thought to try it as I have never fitted in a bath robe! I have also made a decision to move to lite. I have been on the diet for over 6 months now. In the beginning it was very clear that reducing my weight would have far more health benefits than any detriments the diet might have as I was morbidly obese with type 2 diabetes. After being on the diet for 3 months (obese - sugar under control without medication) I felt so good and healthy that I decided to continue. Whilst I still feel healthy I think that now that I am overweight rather than morbidly obese or obese my health would be best served by continuing on the diet but by also having vegetables in my diet. So I have arranged to see my LLC on Thursday to discuss lite and the rules around it. I am very happy with my decision. I really feel it will help me with portion control and maintenance at the end. It feels that I am making the next step in my diet and I'm really excited about it. I may have 4 packs some days and no meal. I'm thinking of doing lite perhaps 4 days a week. Next step!

So I have swapped from total to lite. I'd been on total for over 6 months and now I've been on lite for 3 days(!). I have to say that eating again has been a real pleasure. To have the textures and tastes again is lovely. However, yesterday was interesting as all day I was looking forward to my tea (chicken and salad). I haven't looked forward to food for months - I used to look forward to my bar too much until about 2 months in. So I find this a little worrying. Not only did I look forward to it but I was also really wanting something else to eat after it. Not hungry at all just wanting something. I had my tea at around 5pm and then I had a bar for supper at around 7pm because I really wanted to eat. Was in on my own and a bit bored which has definitely been a trigger for me in the past. Didn't have anything else so stuck to plan and realised what is happening so all positive. I'm really pleased I have moved to lite as it gives me a few months to understand what I am like around food and to develop coping mechanisms before RTM. Going to talk to my LLC about it at weigh in.

On a more positive note just had my tea (roast chicken and veges) this evening and am having no problems. Also, my husband cooked and we sat down together to eat. How lovely to share a meal rather than just eating at the same time - which we do sometimes!

On a final note before starting LL I had been vegetarian for over 20 years. As you can tell from above this is obviously not the case now! I have decided that although you can eat a very healthy meal whilst bing vege it isn't what I have done in the past. So I want to completely change the way that I eat and what I eat so that it almost doesn't feel like the same activity. Also, it's hard to get vege protein without other things accompanying it - such as fat with cheese or carbs with beans. I have type 2 diabetes and seem to be sensitive to carbs so not good. I detest tofu so it doesn't seem like the right thing for me health wise.

So last night I twisted my ankle. Swollen is morning but not too bad. Still managing to hobble to the kitchen to get my packs! Was planning a nice afternoon out today but not going to happen. Fingers crossed that it's ok tomorrow - I do NOT want to be in and bored - that's a dangerous combination for me!

Today I tried on some clothes. The aim was to see whether they would suit me when I get to my target of size 10. I'm currently a 14 so I picked up some bits in size 14 and tried them on in the changing room. Not only did they suit me but I looked fabulous - even if I do say so myself! I look so small from the side now and I was really shocked. Why does this shock me when I see myself in the mirror at home everyday? Perhaps it's because the mirrors are bigger and there are more of them? Or do they have sneeky 'hall of mirror' mirrors which make you look smaller? Well if so it worked as I rushed off and bought the dress in a size 10! The second fabulous thing happened at weigh in. First of all I lost 3 lbs when my scales at home had said that I had only lost 0.5 lb - I much prefer my LLC's scales! Then she told me that my BMI was 26.9! Not sure why that shocked me. I think it's because 26 is so close to 25! I started at a bmi of 43.9 so a huge change! I know I'm only 12 lbs off the healthy weight range but somehow to hear it put in bmi terms instead of weight made me realise it in a different way... Perhaps I'm just a bit mad...

So two wonderful fabulous shocks today - neither of which should have been a surprise at all!

In a wierd way I'm really pleased that I had such a colossal amount of weight to lose at the start of my journey! It has meant that I have spent a huge amount of time on the programme and this has really helped me. Below is a complete brain dump which is really interesting for me - but feel free to skip reading it!

I've been through a number of stages...

STAGE 1 (weeks 1 to 6) - Finding it all quite strange. Trying the different packs. Finding that I'd made a huge mistake in getting 7 porridges for my first week as I found them horrid - but eating them anyway because I'm good at sticking to rules! Learning to make the packs. Working out how to deal with lunch at work and, even worse, work lunches with clients. Seeing all the people on here who had lost lots of weight and being really pleased for them but not really believing that I would join them. Was horrified when I read something about having to eat differently at the end or all the weight would go back on. Didn't realise I would have to change my whole life (although it was obvious when I considered it logically) and didn't feel ready to commit to that. Decided to worry about that later! Had strange food related dreams and really missed veggies. Also a fantastic time health wise as my blood sugar came completely under control and I came off all of my diabetes medication! This gave me a huge boost, which got me past my 1 lb loss in week 2 (camomile tea - didn't know it could be a problem!). Thought the councelling was a bit silly really...

STAGE 2 (weeks 7 to 23) - Food packs became normal - just the way I ate. It was at this point when I realised at I would actually reach goal! With over 100lbs to lose in total this is a big thing. Bit bored with the packs so tried a few different thinks - such as a latte with the vanilla pack. Stopped worrying about the diet and started worrying about how on earth I would maintain at the end! How would I stop myself from overeating in the way I used to? What techniques could I use? I'm hugely into commitment, if I commit to do something I will do it no matter what and this works even if the commitment is to myself. However, in order to commit to myself I have to be certain that it is something I want to do and be very clear - just 'don't put the weight back on' isn't enough. I decided I would develop a list of rules for myself during my time on LL which would help me to maintain at the end. Also, when I went out to restaurants with other people I would look at the menu and think about what I would have when I was maintaining - and if it was something not too healthy then what would I do about it? I viewed this as practicing! Also realised that I was looking forward to being more active. Hubby and I decided to go on an activity holiday in over a year's time so that when I finish I can set myself fitness goals to achieve - I feel like I get motivated by seeing improvements and movements - don't feel like the only goal being 'maintain' would be enough for me - but fitness goals would be just the ticket. Medically still great with sugar under control. Was understanding the need for the councelling - although there were only two of us in the class for much of this time and the councellor kept doing her own thing instead of going through the books so I was getting quite frustrated. The break from food really helped me to understand the difference between just wanting food and feeling hungry. Didn't care how much I lost as long as it was going in the right direction. Put on 1 lb in my first milk week - interesting - perhaps I'm sensitive to carbs? Was also considering not being vegetarian at the end (had been one for 20 years) as it would mean that I would be eating completely different foods at the end and I thought that would help me.

STAGE 3 (weeks 24 to 27) - Decided to take control of my own councelling. When the LLC said that's all she wanted to cover so we could go but there were still 30 mins left I would fill the time with asking questions I had and talking about my reactions to things. I told her that I was very interested in the TA side and asked whether we could do a TA module. Much happier now that I have been assertive with regards to my councelling. Also felt ready to start 'practicing' with real food rather than imaginary! Still had a few stone to lose so didn't want to move to RTM. Was thinking about lite - but wanted to be sure it was for the right reasons and not just because I fancied food! Also was at a size 16 by the end of this stage and having to reassess myself and my body image. Decided to definitely stop being vegetarian - not because a veggie diet is bad for you but because I needed to change the way I ate and this would help me in achieving that.

STAGE 4 (weeks 28 to 30 [now!]) - Moved onto the lite programme. I viewed this as a precursor to RTM - a few months of eating one meal a day to learn portion sizes and also to see how I would behave when food was reintroduced - a bit scared about that! I knew I could go back to 4 packs if necessary so it felt a bit safer! On my second day I really really really wanted my meal - and ended up having it an hour early - not because of hunger. After I'd had it I still wated more and I ended up having my supper a few hours early and having a bar as I thought that might help the cravings. I didn't go off plan but I was very worried. Ever since then I haven't had any problems at all! I know that when I go through RTM and reintroduce other foods it may kick cravings off again and that when I'm maintaining I'll have all sorts of issues to contend with. However, I now know that I'll be able to maintain - in the same way as around week 6 when I knew I would get to goal. I no longer worry about stopping myself from eating the way I did before. I don't even like the idea of those foods. I'm loving the way I'm eating right now. I know I will hit problems and I am preparing my list of rules to help with that. But I am no longer scared of eating normally - just excited about my new life!

I expect to stay on lite for another couple of months then move to RTM. I intend to take RTM very slowly - perhaps spend 3 weeks in each stage instead of 1. I expect RTM and maintenance to be the toughest of all of the phases on this journey for me and I want to take it as slowly as I need to in order to achieve success. I honestly believe that if I hadn't had as much weight to lose I wouldn't have got as much out of this journey so in a strange way it has really helpled me!

All of my diary posts are now up to date. I have also updated some pictures...

End July (start) to early November 2011 -


21st December 2011 -


3rd February 2012 -

Wow that was fascinating and so motivating for the rest of us not only sharing your journey but also your thoughts and feelings. You have done amazingly well and really have been committed throughout and also seem to have your future sorted out too! Well done you have so many reasons to be really proud of yourself!

Really enjoying reading these. Your pics are amazing. You are doing amazing. Wow

Thanks guys - I hate all of the photos except for the last one...

Big well done, wow! The photos are amazing, you've done an incredible job. Really motivating and inspirational! xx

I really enjoyed reading your diary - such an inspiration!

Wow Weasey, looking hot hun! Where are the bits you still want to lose from?

I still have a wad of fat on my tummy and the top of my thighs. I'm happy with everywhere else. I know I can excercise to firm up and will so so but there's a chunk of fat I want rid of first! My clothes are good at hiding those areas though. I'm a size 14 and am looking to be a 10. I currently weigh 11 stone 12 lbs and need to lose another 12 lbs to be in the healthy range. Not sure how much further I want to go beyond that except for wanting to be an M8S size 10.

What height r u weasey?! I'm mopping up my tears after reading this as u sound exactly like me and u are where I want to be soon. Well done x