Cheerio fat girl, hello real me!
I decided to start on Slim and Save a few weeks ago. I'd done Exante in the past and I actually did fairly well on it but it felt incredibly restrictive and I wasn't too happy on it. I retried it over a year ago and I'm not sure if I lasted 3 days. I actually thought I wouldn't try a VLCD again but I had tried a couple of the Slim and Save products and knew they were nice and this past year my weight has just shot up so fast, I felt out of control, that I just felt I need to get away from food for a bit.
Alongside that, I was on holiday not so long ago with some friends and most of them are fairly active which meant there were times when I was declining doing things with them because I knew I wasn't fit enough. One day we went down to a beach and it was such a steep hill going down there that I spent most of my time on the beach wondering if I'd actually make it back. On the way back up this hill I was huffing and puffing and having to stop to catch my breath and I felt really rather embarrassed by this. My friends had also hired wetsuits and boogie boards to go in the water and they suggested that I do too and I would have loved to have joined them but I don't even think you could get a wetsuit in my size, not that I'd want anyone to see me in one! My friends actually stopped asking me to go walks with them because they knew they were hilly, they didn't do it in a mean way or anything and I'm glad as I would have declined but seriously, I'm 31 years old - it should not be like this, nobody should be like this! I think it was the night I got home from the holiday that I ordered my Slim and Save products. I just don't want that to happen again.
I've had a weight problem my whole life and my whole life I've allowed it to stop me from doing things from worrying about how I'd look in front of others to knowing I was too heavy or too unfit to do a thing - I don't want this life anymore. I'd love to be lighter and active and energetic. I'd love to feel strong and capable of doing loads of outdoor and sporting activities. On top of that - I've had relationships before but a long term one finished almost a year ago and I've been single since then. I'm in my 30s and I'd like to meet a guy and settle down so I was on a dating website recently. Why was I on a dating site? Nobody ever approaches me when I'm out and I automatically assume most won't be interested because of my weight so I don't approach anyone either. I also don't know many people in my area so it's not like I'm being introduced to friends of friends either. So, anyway, I was on this dating website and I know I'm being overlooked because of my weight. The ones who did message me seemed to either have a fetish for fat girls or were utter creeps. I know a partner should like you for who you are and it's what's on the inside that counts but I'm sure it's how you look that creates the initial attraction. How many people do you read about who lost tonnes of weight and then they finally got a partner? They're in nearly every woman's magazine. In general, my weight gets me down every single day - you'd think this would be motivation enough to not overeat but it does the opposite. Instead, I comfort eat and rationalise it with thoughts along the lines of "well it's not like I matter anyway, so who cares if I eat this?". My self esteem is rock bottom and it's because I've let my weight tread on me until I was down there. I have a lot going for me - I have a good life, I'm smart, I worked hard at uni and should be proud of achievements I made there, I have a great job that lets me help others every day, I have good friends, I have a good relationship with my family, in general folk all seem to think I'm a nice person, I am fully independent...even I can see that all of this is good stuff but my low self esteem and depression caused by feelings of worthlessness due to my size makes all of that seem utterly pointless, it just wipes it out. It's time to do something because I can't go on like this.
So the plan is to get my weight down and hopefully once it's down a bit I'll be able to introduce the exercise. I do walk around a fair bit for work so that's enough at the moment but I'm going to introduce extra stuff. Once I feel more comfortable, I'll step it up a bit. That's the plan and I intend to stick to it this time because I'm sick of this life, I'm sick of me being like this and I need to change because this is not the life I want to be living at all.
It's almost the end of day 4 on Slim and Save for me and so far, so good. I haven't had a product I don't like yet and which is very good as on Exante it got to the point that I could only stomach the strawberry shakes. I'm going to mix the simplicity and lifestyle plans but so far it's been all simplicity. Also, because I'm over 17stone I'm going for 5 packs a day at the moment but to be honest, 4 does me ok as I'm usually having the 4th pack around 7/8pm which means I'm not bothered if I have a 5th as it's nearly bed time. I'm not bothered if I do want it but I'm not gonna have it if I don't really need it, so I'll see how I go with that. I use the full vegetable allowance - this week it's broccoli and cauliflower and those 2 vegetables have never tasted so good! You get a decent sized portion for 200g so I sometimes treat that as a meal itself or I mix it with a meal pack. I'm also using the milk allowance in tea and coffee or adding it to a shake. I don't mind skimmed milk in tea but every coffee I've made with it in hasn't been that great if I'm honest. I read that you can have 100ml semi skimmed instead so I might go with that the next time I'm at the shops.
I was a wee bit worried about coping at work but it's been fine. Today, and also on my 2nd day on the diet, I sat with my colleagues whilst they ate their lunches and there were biscuits and cakes freely available to anyone and I just sipped away on my tea. I live alone so it's easy to avoid temptation here - I just made sure my cupboards were bare before I started. On Friday I'm going to a friends night out for her birthday but I'm going to drive and stick to the sparkling water and I'm not planning on staying for too long anyway. I've also been to the cinema tonight (saw the lego movie, it was fab!) and I'm going to the cinema again tomorrow so I've found this is a good place to have my bar and not feel too much like I'm missing out on my usual ice cream. So yes, things seem to be going fairly well at the moment. I've barely been hungry at all; I get hungry at normal meal times but that's ok and I'm not thinking about food a great deal at all.
So, on the whole, it's pretty positive. Long may it continue and roll on the Sunday weigh in!!
(a bit longer than anticipated but it all just seemed to come out, if I'm ever feeling like quitting I need to reread this methinks)
Well its day 5 and I'm in work. I'm feeling fine again today. Thursdays and Fridays i work in my own wee office so these are 2 of the easiest days of the week for me to stick to plan as I only eat what I bring so there are no temptations. I'm off to the cinema again tonight so I'll have a bar then. I had a sneaky peak at the scales this morning and I was at 18 stone 3lbs which is down from 18 stone 9lbs on Sunday so that's pretty good going so far
You've got through the worst part, well done!
I totally relate to how you feel, doing the diet and taking care of you will really help.
Apart from a big difference in our ages all of what you said rang bells with me. Definitely been there on the dating front at both my heaviest and lightest and however we would like the world to be the pool certainly widens at a smaller size. I met my OH at a lower weight but I gained to my heaviest in the first couple of years - wonder if it was some kind of test. Fortunately he passed so I'm almost rid of that unnecessary weight and hoping not to see it again.
Also the wanting to be active. I went on a holiday to Rome and it was so hot and I just felt so miserable and should have been able to enjoy every minute. That was my aha moment.
The first time I did this I lived alone and it was certainly the way forward to clear the cupboards and you gain so much time without all the cooking and washing up. Sounds like you prepared really well and you sound very determined. As FF says the worst bit is over - although I had a bit of a mental wobble around the two week mark - but beyond that it was pretty much plain sailing - my diary probably recounts a few struggles but nothing major.
Good luck with it and keep us updated.
I did the same thing, Clin! Maintained a pretty steady weight for 3 years, met my boyfriend and went up to my biggest. Like you, I think there was an element of testing, but also because he's an emotional eater too and would often bring me edible presents! Just trying to be nice, but not helpful at all.
I increasingly think that the key to sticking to this is self esteem. It's so easy when you feel bad about yourself to just not care, and to both punish and comfort yourself with food at the same time.
I think it becomes super motivating when you start to feel like a person. I look forward to going out now (kind of) and I've got a new hair cut, new clothes and have semi permanent eyelashes. Basically I just seem to care about myself more. Caring about myself means I won't fall off the wagon and eat something bad, I want better for me and I feel like I can do it, I will do it, and I deserve to do it. It really doesn't take long for those feelings to kick in, either.
I think that's very true about needing self esteem to diet in the first place. Head has definitely got to be in the right place.
Well, today is day 6 and it's been totally fine so far. Tonight might be a little challenging as I'm off out with girls from work but I'm going to drive down to avoid any temptation to drink. I don't have any temptation to drink anyway, I'd hate to mess this up so soon as I'm feeling incredibly motivated and just keep picturing the numbers on the scales at a lower weight. I know I can do this The weekend shouldn't be too much of an issue as I'm on my own for most of it so no temptations. Plus I plan to do a fair bit of spring cleaning tomorrow so hopefully that will help toward a good first weigh in result on Sunday morning.
Well it's almost the end of day 7 and it's been another fine day on the diet. I have discovered a product I don't like and that's the bannoffee porridge - bleurgh, not nice at all. I think I read somewhere that someone makes it into biscuits? So if anyone can tell me how you do that, I might do that with the other ones I have. I'm really looking forward to tomorrows weigh in
I found this on the Slim and Save Facebook page, I assume it'll work for the banoffee ones too:
OATMEAL AND CINNAMON COOKIES
Desolve 2-3 tablet sweeteners in 4 teaspoons of sparkling water mix in the oatmeal pack and place on baking sheet in a pre heated oven for approx. 10 mins. Makes 4 small cookies or 1 large one.
That's absolutely fantastic. Well done and what a great start. Sounds like you have a really positive attitude. The way you talk about it convinces me you're going to do this.
Well done! Here's to many more losses :-D
Today is day 9 and I have a day off work. I had a hospital appointment this morning to get an internal scan done. I've had lots of problems with heavy periods over the past year and this scan was to check for fibroids and poly cystic ovaries. It seems they look fine which is a good thing but still doesn't really explain the heavy periods. I think the periods are probably due to my weight, so I'm hoping things will calm down eventually with further weight loss.
I must say though, I ended up getting stuck in traffic on my way there which meant I had to pick up the pace a bit once I'd finally parked and made my way to the appointment and wow did I feel weak!! My muscles...they weren't sore, as such, but felt sort of stretched, if that makes sense? As if I was nearing the end of a several mile walk instead of the start of a moderately paced walk. My body and limbs felt awfully heavy too (which they are but more so than usual). I'm also feeling like my temperatures are a bit all over the place. I'm getting hot an awful lot which seems strange as most people I've read about who mention temperature are talking about being too cold! These things aren't worrying me too much but I am a little worried about how I'd cope if required to do anything overly strenuous at work, it's unlikely but it sometimes happens.
Yesterday I ate some proper food! I decided to have my first lifestyle day and was thinking along the lines that it is something I might do every Sunday but I'm not too sure if I want to now. I had cooked a 100g of chicken breast in foil in the oven with a spray of frylight, some herbs and mushrooms from my vegetable allowance. I ate it and oh my, chicken has never tasted so good! However, I found it incredibly difficult to not want to eat something else and most of yesterday I was hungry. I don't know if this would have kicked me out of ketosis or what but I really can't say I enjoyed that feeling at all. I managed not to eat again but I think I'm probably better just sticking with the simplicity plan. Perhaps that's another reason why I'm feeling so weak today. Ah well, you live and learn, other than feeling a bit weaker I'm not hungry today so that's good.
When I ordered my packs I ordered a months worth but after getting to try most things out I'm beginning to think about what I'll get next time. With the bars - I really like the praline one and the milk chocolate truffa bar was ok but I'm not too keen on the rest. It's not that they are bad but it's just that they aren't that good either. There's a couple of flavours I didn't get, like the; lemon, yoghurt, vanilla and almond and coconut bars, so I'll be trying those in my next order. I've still not tried many of the soups yet, I've had the curry chicken noodle which I quite enjoyed but I've been hesitant over trying the others. When I did Exante I found the soups and bars to be the worst so I seem to be approaching them with trepidation this time on Slim and Save. For all I know, they might be lovely! I think today I will try another soup and see how it goes, maybe the Thai one. Another thing is, I have a sweet tooth so it's pretty rare that the savoury things really entice me. I really liked the chilli, the spicy spaghetti and the bolognaise but can't say too much for cheesy pasta or mushroom pasta. I have the cottage pie too which I will be having tonight along with some swede. I know I don't like the porridge so that puts me off trying the oatmeal but I'll give it a go. I enjoy all of the shakes aside from the Cafe Latte one. So there's things I don't like but there's still an awful lot there that I have liked and it's much, much more varied than Exante ever was. I like having edible bars for one thing as the Exante ones, just the smell of them made me retch and I think it makes such a difference being able to chew something in a day.
Something I was thinking about last night is that I don't feel all that restricted at all. There's a girl in work who is calorie counting and I was sitting with her at lunch the other day whilst she was eating this tiny portion of a home prepared fruit salad and she wasn't enjoying this for lunch at all. This girl usually gets a massive deli roll made up for her every day alongside a cup of soup and a cake. So, it looked like, with every bite that she was thinking "this is for the diet!". She told me she's miserable and hungry and obsessed with food and always thinking about the next meal. She was going on about how she doesn't know how I can cope on my diet and I was telling her I'm not thinking about food and I'm not hungry and she didn't believe me. To be honest, I remember feeling like that on a diet, always being obsessed with food and I think this is much better. Another reason I like a VLCD is that my motivation only lasts for so long and it's good to lose weight quickly in that time frame. My problem has been that I don't make an attempt at maintaining once I do lose the weight so this is the challenge this time round and one that I intend to focus upon. Last year I went to Slimming World. Now, SW is fairly slow weight loss - you can eat loads on the diet and you do lose, and can lose quite steadily too. I think it's an ok diet and certainly one that promotes healthy eating. However, between the 15th of April and sometime around the end of August I went from 18stone 13lbs down to 17stone 3lbs - that took 4 months and I went down 1 clothes size but otherwise didn't feel all that different. I then lost my motivation and I kept going but pretty much played with the same few pounds every week until December when I just stopped going. I went back in January, once, but couldn't get my head in gear for the diet and decided not to go back. After that, it's almost like something felt like it had been unleashed and I went on an eating spree. I just couldn't cram enough food in my mouth - I was craving chocolate constantly and was having several bars a day. I was buying a share size bag of Revels and eating them throughout the day at work, then I'd leave work, pop to the shop and buy more rubbish to eat on top of whatever I was making for dinner. I was utterly out of control. In the final weeks of that I stopped even making dinner and was regularly getting takeaways. I went through a fairly disgusting amount of food. My clothes were also getting too small for me. It's when you find yourself in Evans trying on clothes and you've went from trying on 22/24s to 26s then I noticed I was eyeing up the size 28s! I'm an apple shape so my bottom half has never been too bad, I've never been bigger than a size 20 and all my work trousers were getting too tight and I was considering the 22s. That, alongside my holiday which I mentioned about where I felt horribly unfit, was the final straw! So yes, if I can even maintain my motivation for a few months then it will really pay off and I think I will be able to do it. The hardest part will be maintaining it but I feel like I'm ready to do that this time, I feel like I've been to rock bottom and now the only way I can go is back up or bust.
I think the results are very motivating, so hopefully that will keep you focused. It's also a good time to assess your relationship with food. You obviously weren't making those bad choices out of hunger, so there was something else going on. If you eat to avoid feelings, on this diet there's no hiding and you tend to feel things very intensely. It can help you to really understand yourself.
Emotional hunger and compulsive eating isn't something that fixes itself, but a break from food is the perfect time to take steps to fix it.
You seem intelligent and determined, I'm very sure you'll crack it :-)
I agree. Be kind to yourself as you were doing the best thing that you can. I have really found the course on Compassion that I am doing incredibly helpful. It's based on this book
Originally Posted by FunnyFarm
I always knew that I didn't need to eat to deal with anxiety or emotions or a hard day or putting things off (yes the list is longer than that) but I really didn't know what else to do when it felt so compelling and painful to just sit with it. Some of the exercises and mindfulness we have done on the course have really helped. Even learning that a hot drink can be really comforting by itself has helped me - I make tea in my thermal mug for the way home and it stops that dive for the fridge when you get in. You may be right not to add in food. I'm very much all or nothing and have the best success on Simplicity. It was certainly the way to get the bulk of the weight off quickly but now I am more prepared to go a bit more slowly, I have added a couple of meals a week in and been prepared for a bit more hunger or wanting to eat more. It has helped the all or nothing thinking a bit.
Being as curious and thoughtful as you are will get you a long way. Have a great week
well done so far , youll be heading into the comfortable zone before you know it xx
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