Some of you may recognise the username- as you can see from my statistics I am not a new member.
I have been a part of the SW realm twice now, however I fail to break through my 3 stone barrier.
I have my old diary, but feel like I should creat a new one:
a) to attract new members to my diary
b) to start afresh
c) to get rid of the negativity of my old diary.
My name is Rozie- i live in middlesex and have been for nearly 5 years ago. I am married, to a wonderful and supportive husband but no children.
I started SW originally online- there was no light bulb moment. I remember thinking, I need to lose weight and I need to lose it now.. I had seen SW in the newspapers various of times so i thought why not join?.. I was very good at the weight loss malarky. Between March 2011- September 2011 i lost more or less 3 stones.
I then had a big operation that has changed my life. I had 2 cysts removed- I was bed bound for 4 weeks- I now have chronic back pain which i have been suffering with since November 2011. It has taken an affect on me emotionally, physically and psychologically.
I rejoined SW after the op- i had put on a stone when i thought i'd join a class this time and loss about a stone or so but lost my way again... the class was crap, my consultant was rubbish and again, i put on weight.
I started my weight loss journey at 22 stone 10.
Currently I am 21 stone 1.
Ive been at my lowest at 19 stone 7.
My back pain is psychologically very draining- it has affected me so much that i have becomed depressed. I went to the doctors this week and she gave me a prescription of anti depressants- citra- something or another. But i refuse to take them until its the last thing I need to do.
My body feels like it has weights at the end of my arms and legs- i cannot get out of bed. I went from working full time to part times (3 days a week) and even that it difficult. I worry about losing my job because i have been off work because of my back so much. I worry about my weight but i cannot seem to get control of my eating. I feel sick and tired all the time. I feel so sad and so teary that i worry that my relationship with my husband will be ruined.
But i know that losing weight will lift my mood- will ease my back pain- and will make me happy.
I want to become a mother- but even that doesn't arouse any motivation.
I want to be a good wife- but even that doesn't spur me to lose weight.
I want support. I want love. I want.. I want something, like a light switch to go off in my head and for things to be NORMAL again.
I want to be my old happy chirpy self.
I want to be thin. To feel beautiful. To feel competent.
So- I decided to go to a hypnotherapist to help me lose weight- I have had my first session with her out of 6. She is going to be doing the hynoband on me so hopefully that will help me reduce my portions.
I have been to the doctor who has given me the medication- and if i do feel like i am not getting better i will take them.
And I am joining class again.
My local class' consultant has changed, and it was fate- she emailed me the day that my back pain specialist told me that the only way my back pain will go now is with weight loss. So i've been emailing her and decided to join class again.
Today i prepared the weeks meals etc SW style and will start my SW journey again tomorrow, although obviously it was officially start when i go to class on tuesday.
I need more support than I have ever needed- emotionally support more than anything. My self confidence is at rock bottom at the moment (and if you were to ever have the pleasure of meeting me lol) you would never think that. I have issues that will be worked through with my therapist hopefully which should bring my mood up, but the medication is always there if i think there is no way out.
I am hoping that you will stay with me on this journey- again. For those of you who have been there for me before- thank you. Without your support i wouldnt have even lost the weight i did.
But for those who do not know me- I am a nice person, just a little sad at the moment.
Here's hoping to a dramatic change in my weight loss hey?
Love of love.