Diary closed! Link to new diary on last page.
Hello to anyone reading! This is my new diary, but in no way am I new to Slimming World. Those of you who followed my old diary (The Princess Diaries) will already know my story, but for those of you who don't...
I started way back in September 2011. Actually, my journey started a little while before then. I originally joined mid 2011 weighing 15st and was doing well, having lost 1.5 stone within a matter of months. Then, in July 2011, my dad had a major heart attack. To cut a long story short, he was in hospital for 7 weeks and all of the travelling and visiting wasn't exactly great for my diet. It was just a case of grabbing whatever I could, whenever I could. I also stopped going to groups as, let's face it, some things are more important. Then, on 19th September 2011, I had an all inclusive girly holiday with my best friend Katie. Far too much fast food and alcohol was consumed, and by the time we came home on the 26th, I knew I'd done a lot of damage. The next day, I bit the bullet and went back to rejoin my old group. I couldn't believe that in the two months I'd had off plan I'd gained back almost everything apart from 3.5lb - I was now 14st 10.5lb.
Since then I have remained at the same group and, although it's been a slow and steady journey, and extremely difficult at times, I had mostly managed to stick to it. On the 15th April this year I got to 10st 10lb and achieved my 4 stone award - the most I have ever lost on any diet ever, and the lightest weight I had ever been!
However, since then I have just fallen completely and utterly off the SW wagon. I have had the odd good week here and there, but they have been well and truly blown out of the water by all of the disastrous weeks I've had. I've even starting skipping group a lot recently because of how "off-plan" I've been - which is something I hate! I didn't ever want to get into that habbit. Worst of all, according to my home scales this morning, I am back up to 12st 5lb. Which means I have re-gained 1 stone and 8lb.
I am not happy with this at all. Especially as I have a holiday which is 8 weeks today. It's supposed to be a very special holiday too, as it's the first one with my boyfriend, Warren. It will also be our 1 year anniversary whilst we are away, and I cannot cope with the thought of looking or feeling like I do now, then. I know something needs to be done.
I have already tried all sorts of things to re-motivate myself and rediscover the passion and enthusiasm I once had for SW: mixing up the plans, trying new foods, Succes Express, Fast Forward, making myself a reward chart, looking back at progress photos, etc. and nothing seems to work! I can't seem to stick to plan for any longer then a week - in fact, I'm lucky if it even lasts that long! I feel bored.
Anyway, this morning I have made my mind up and have decided that I will bite the bullet and join a new group on Monday night. The thought of leaving my current group is scary, as I'd have been there for 3 years (my entire journey) in September. But I'm also excited too. It will mean new day, new time, new venue, new consultant and new members. I have also decided that I actually really want to rejoin as a brand spanking new member, so that will also mean I have a new starting weight and new goals to aim for. I feel like, at the moment, that is half of my problem. I'm not aiming for anything new. I'm aiming to get back to where I was (10st 10lb), which is quite depressing actually. Looking back on where I had gotten to and feeling as though it is a lifetime away. At least if I start as a new member I will start with fresh aims and will once again look forward to working towards each half stone award, something which I have not attained for quite some time now - as I said, I hit my 4st award and stayed there for one week. Since then it all went downhill!
I have loved my group and consultant over the last few years, but I just feel like I need a change now. I also feel like going to a group where I don't know the consultant / members will be good for me, as there'll be no expectations of me. Sometimes at group people having referred to me as "knowing everything about Slimming World", or asking "how much have you lost this week then?". And, although I know they mean it in such a lovely way, I sometimes feel like it puts the pressure on me. Because of the fact they kind of expect me to have lost each week, and that I have been known to have lost up to 7lb in a week, it makes me feel like a failure when I do not lose. I feel embarrassed when they ask how much I have lost, and I have to tell them that actually I've gained. It shouldn't be like that. I mean no disrespect to them in any way whatsoever, because they are all absolutely fantastic people and have inspired and motivated me so much along the way. But sometimes it can become a bit much. I want to focus on doing this for me.
As it's a brand new spanking fresh start, I am also thinking I need a brand new diary to go with it. Hence this thread right here! "Take a chance and never look back" - that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm giving myself this last chance. I'm drawing a line under everything else that has happened and I'm not going to look back any more. The future is forwards, not backwards. And I must remember that.
I hope that I'll be joined on here by friends old and new alike, as the support you all give really is invaluable and I owe a lot to the people on this forum.
Thank you for taking the time to visit and to read this, and I'm sorry if I've bored the socks off you all. I just feel like I needed to write it all down and get it out of my system.
I'm now feeling really excited to rejoin on Monday and can't wait to start afresh - although I'm feeling really anxious about this new starting weight and seeing how much damage I've actually done. I don't want to end up pretty much back to square one. This weekend isn't going to be great, as I'm out for post-birthday drinks with Warren and our friends on Saturday night, but I'm setting myself the goal of getting back on plan on Monday, ready for rejoining that night. Wish me luck! xx