Rants, Raves and Musings.

[Ms. Jedi]

Doing my best to focus on the positive and not getting sucked into the folly of people who do not really seem to care about me. This last week was a challenge because I kept bumping into the five people that I will now just collectively refer to as My Triggers.

I could rant. I could be absolutely scathing about them. But I choose joy instead. I realised that I required comfort after being in contact with them. I used to reach out for it in the form of something sweet or decadently savoury. Instead, I meditated. Then I knitted. Then I forgave myself for feeling weak. Then I praised mysef for being strong.

I stayed to plan and reminded myself of how far I have come. I have lost 1st since I got myself back into the right mindset. I have lost 3st since I started my journey.

I am happy.

 

[Ms. Jedi]

A bit of counselling today. It is mostly to deal with my son's father's depression and how to cope with co-parenting with him. Doing my best not to regret or feel guilty for falling out of love with him. All that guilt makes me want to fill myself up with something else. But I will not fill up with unhealthy food. Staying on plan after losing the 2lbs I gained last week. So I am feeling ok. Not brilliant but ok.

 

[Ms. Jedi]

Not totally blowing it, but not making the progress I aimed for. This is really getting me down. I should be 5lbs lighter that what I weighed in this week. It is not like I have gone on a binge or anything. I have been having the syns I am allotted but I may not be taking enough free food.

I have had such a stressful week and no support. High syn food keeps being brought and I am doing everything to resist. I am hungry. But I am afraid to slip to the darkside. I have worked to hard to be where I am.

Someone I know came over. She's lost a lot of weight and she brought me some of her clothes. They do not quite fit yet and that really bothered me. And I almost feel her judging me. She is like that. Then the kids' grandfather brought all those cookies. I am resisting. I am writing this right now just to resist and let the emotion pass.

So what...they do not actively support or cheer me on. So when I reach my goal, I will be able to say I DID THIS ON MY OWN STRENGTH. Right. I can do this.

 

[Ms. Jedi]

Right! It's happening! I've lost over a stone and a half since I joined in January. I should be further along, though...grrr

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