Thank you so much for the welcome KristinOriginally Posted by kristin1
Thank you for that and to be honest I think I will be around for a while, I having nothing to lose by doing so, except of course for the lbsand everything to gain (knowledge wise)
x
Hi Kaye, welcome to SW and to minimins. Pleased this thread was usefull to you and hopefully during the learning curve, problems can be recognised and sorted out.
I was soo pleased with myself last night, had a bit of family barney, and after it had all died down I was left feeling absolutely drained and I actually said to myself I need some comfort food. But just a quickly as I had that thought, I managed to knock it into touch. I asked myself why, will I feel better later on, am I hungry, will it solve anything, will it actually make me feel better. The answer to all the questions is an unresounding NO, and do you know, instantly I just moved on from that moment of weakness. I thought about it around about 20mins later and felt so pleased with myself for getting a hold on the situation, but not only that, I acutally felt empowered. I was doing the "see you can do it if you apply yourself" talk.
This week has been a good week for me, felt more in control (apart from last night, but I won the day on that one), but isn't it easy when things are going right. Loosing weight is always easy when the pounds are comming off, its when the humps and bumps come along that its difficult. But even then, it shouldn't be difficult should it? Is it that we cann't accept we are not perfect every minute of every day, so have to punish ourselves for having an extra slice of bread or something? Sometimes, I feel like unless I am beating myself up about slip ups, then I am not dieting, cos the two go together, right?. Its got to be a more healthy relationship with food to accept there will be times when you have a little extra, but thats ok to do that as long as it is only odd times, and I don't need to punish myself for having it.
As I already said, its been a good week so far for me, I have not snacked between meals, I have eaten very sensible food, and I have made an effort to variey breakfasts and lunches. The early part of the week had a few dodgy times when I could have eaten between meals, but asking myself if I was really hungry after what I had eaten at the previous meal (and answering NO)really helped me to focus on why I thought I wanted something to eat. I just had a drink and worked through it. Its paid off, I have not snacked and I seem on a more even keel mood wise too. There hasn't been the highs and lows like there usually is during the day, which I think has deffinately helped with me thinking about food all the time. Body sugars must be liking something I'm doing. So the plan is to get through the weekend doing more of the same and see how I deal with it. Weekends are always more stressfull with the house full etc and while I can stay focused on the matter in hand in peace and quiet during the week, its another when times are more demanding and thats when I am in danger of not being able to make myself hear whats right for me.
Anyway, sorry Kaye for rambling on about this on your welcome message, hope to get to know you much better. xx
Amazing! Congratulations.
You are so right when you said we only feel like we dieting when we are beating ourselves up- all part of years worth of conditioning. I agree that occasionally 'normal' people overeat, but don't seem to nag themselves about it- they just shrug and move on.
My week was mostly good. I remember saying in an earlier post that I didn't overeat when I was angry- well I suppose I have to reassess that! I was very on plan this week with the exception of Thursday night when me and hubby went out for a meal- had planned lovely sushi but we had a row beforehand. This was all settled before the meal but I then decided I needed a 'treat' so went somewhere different and had, among other things chips.
Now, I actually thought it through at the time and considered that I wasn't eating because I was angry at all, I was simply ordering exactly what I wanted to eat which is just being normal around food -the fact that I ordered chips suggests otherwise!
On a positive note, I didn't eat all the chips, and just had mint tea instead of dessert, and I synned everything when I came home- and because I had stuck to plan so well this week, it hasn't put me over my syns, so I didn't really feel too guilty
Wel done again, Charlottgrace- inspiring!
x
You ramble away.. you deserve to, I hope I am in that kind of thought process when the down times come my way, which they inevitably will do
congratulations and well done for staying on the right path, oh and thanks for the welcome to, I really appreciate it
Hey Cocktail, I found your post very inspiring despite the fact you had chips. In fact, that's the reason I found it inspirational, you wanted chips, you assessed the situation and thought about it, you had chips, but didn't feel the need to eat them all just because they were on the plate. That to me is a healthy approach to food. And, you haven't gone over your syns which is a bonus. You do not need to feel guilty at all never mind a little bit, you have done great.
On a sadder note, there was me posting how brilliantly I was doing this week, and how I should be able to cope with the difficulties that come along, (cos I can now talk to myself and tell myself to be in control etc right?), well Saturday afternoon my mum was taken into hospital again, and I fell flat on my face last night. That strong little voice that has been there all week was no where to be seen and the demon on my shoulder was just having it all his own way. In the space of an hour I ate, 1 large bowl of cheap ice cream with sprinkles, 6 rich tea biscuits, 3oz cheese, bag of quavers, and a sandwich. I was not hungry as I had only had my tea an hour before of fish pie and peas, but my reaction to the news about my mum turned into some sort of SAS commando raid on the fridge. Now my mum is in hospital but she is not seriously ill if you know what I mean, she has to have fluid drained off her lungs, but she is not terminally ill or anything, and if my reaction to the news is to derail this easily, its really scary to think what I would be like with really disastrous news. I feel very disappointed with myself, but lesson learned, I will not be so cocky this week, and be more on guard for the unexpected. On a positive note, I am pleased that I have thought about what has happened, reasoned it out and am not beating myself up about it even though I was disapointed. I am not even going to try and pull back any damage 'cos I feel that would be putting too much preasure on myself, so I am just moving on and getting right back on track. I have been brilliant all week food wise, so I don't think 1 little slip will do too much damage in the grand scheme of things. We will see Monday lol. At least today is another day and I feel good about things again now, and in control.
Thanks, but as you can see from previous post, that thought process was short lived in a crisis. Live and learn!I hope I am in that kind of thought process when the down times come my way, which they inevitably will do
congratulations and well done for staying on the right path, oh and thanks for the welcome to, I really appreciate it
Well said!
I think it woild have been VERY strange if this week we had all read an article, accepted our eating disorder completely and then cured decades of food abuse in a matter of days. This is going to be a long process. We have years of behaviour to unlearn.
Measure your success by the battles you win, not the ones you lose, charlottegrace (and hope your Mum is ok)
Good luck to us all this week for our battles ahead!
Oh so true cocktail, strange doesn't come close I think a miracle would have happened lol. But after a suggestion on another post, I have now put a crisis box together for the next time I go off the rails. I have put in it some goodies to the value of 20 odd syns and it is sitting in the cupboard. Things like quavers, small chocolate, mug shot, and a cake with a shelf life which will out live me lol. The plan being that I can just grab the box if need be and eat it, but the damage will be limited rather than just grabbing anything from the cupboards/fridge and then finding I have eaten 100syns and feeling devastated. I know its not really the right thing to do, but I feel that at least I am facing up to the fact I know I will do it again and am trying to plan for it. Hopefully it will sit there for several weeks now. It's my safety net.
Kirstin, I must fess, I actually feel better just being able to post about the way I eat. Maybe for years I have just been in denial telling myself that I have a weight problem cos I eat too much (true of course) but there it ended. I have not taken on board the reasons why. I think anybody can loose weight, just cut back, but if the underlying problems are not addressed, then maybe that's where the yo yo dieting kicks in. I am feeling very good about addressing my habit, just admitting it is half the battle, and I don't know about you guys, but I don't feel under nearly as much pressure anymore, this whole process has now taken on a different slant, for the better.
Today has been very good again, no snacking between meals and I don't think I have thought about food so much today either despite going shopping. Tomorrow will be a little testing as I have loads of appointments, Dr, dentist, opticians and a council meeting in the evening (talk about all come at once), but of course its going to put me under pressure and out of routine, and I don't fare well outside routine at all. Going to get done tonight what I can Ir stew cooking and sandwiches for tomorrow done, which I always say I am going to do at times like this but somehow never get round to it lol. But tonight is different, I will do it and reap the benefit tomorrow. I know these things sound very trivial but for me its a big step, and yet in every other way I am so organised etc I run my house like a military operation but only so everyone else's life runs smoothly, I think I have forgotten about me in the past! Now there's a light just come on!!!!!!
Thanks for this kirstin, I had no idea I was so transparant but it has made me think about things again.
Love and hugs Carolyne xxx
Gosh guys I need to spend some time tommorrow sitting and thinking about this. I have saved the articles to read but I already know that I am an emotional eater and have felt that i was addictlike for many yrs. So here goes....... hello my name is caro and i am a food addict!
but am also tired so i will say goodnight and godbless.
caro
WElcome Caro!
Well Kristen and charlottegrace- seems there is a definite pattern here as I am absolutely a perfectionist too! I know in my family I am seen as the referee of all arguments, the mediator of all problems and the perfect domestic goddess. I do tend to spend most of my time on the phone solving problems, but get very frustrated as people never ever take the time to ask about me or my life- i have always put this down to appearing on the surface that my life is so 'perfect' why would I ever have any problems? Underneath this exterior is a mass of paranoia and stress that can lie awake at night worrying about the most insignificant think if it appears to be a potential problem.
Maybe there is a connection here? If we all are admitted food addicts and then apparently self-confessed perfectionists, it can't just be a coincidence! Is this our silent, behind closed doors oulet for our tension?
I am at my worse binge-wise when I am on my own- I almost get excited that no-one is there to see so I can really let go- sound familiar?
x
This is uncanny, I read your post cocktail and it could have been written by me.
I know exactly what you mean about nobody asking about you, why should they, our lives are so perfect nothing could possibly be wrong! As you say, we are domestic goddesses, solver of all problems, perfection personified! My goodness, what a cross to carry through life. I have to have plan A right through to at least S or T in place for everything and even then I worry, stress, chew it over in my mind that something will go wrong and cause a problem. I know its totally irrational but to me its like its a necessity, I have been stressed and paranoid for as long as I can remember so its normal in my world, just wrong in everyone else's. The binging when alone is another similarity. I can only do it when alone because for one thing, to do it in front of anyone else would ruin the perfectionist image wouldn't it and how would I deal with that? I know I am not perfect (far from it) but something inside me just will not let anyone else around me know it. Anything that goes wrong in my life I always feel is my fault and I should have seen it coming and planned for it, doesn't matter what it is, and I feel a failure, upset, angry when it happens and then need the comfort of food to make me feel better so binge out, feel a failure, upset, angry etc and so the circle goes on. Why do we feel the need to hide our weaknesses from our nearest and dearest, it wouldn't make us any less human would it, maybe even more human if anything. Am I fueling some inner ego trip by being the way I am, would being less perfect outwardly be sooo devastating to me? Right now it scares me to think about me being any different to what I know, fear of the unknown and all that, and what if I don't like what I find or worse, what if I do like it. How hard is it to leave the only you you know behind and become someone else. I hide behind the comfort of my life, I hide behind my size, I hide behind the jolly exterior I portray, I hide behind the perfectionist I try to be. I just hide and hope nobody notices that I am falling apart and hurting inside, turning to food as my lover, friend, soul mate. It never questions, argues, passes judgment. It just does what I need it to do, whenever I need it to, comforts.
This has actually made me very tearful posting this, I think its a good thing, its got to come out and be said hasn't it if I am going to make headway and work through my problems. I need to think about so much and open up more, I am very very good at holding everything in, again, it would be a sign of weakness on my part to talk about problems to family etc. but at least on this thread talking to like minded people about it, there is the understanding and support. I will get there, not soon, but one day. I'm off for a coffee now, not a munch mission which is what I would normally do, but I understand how I feel right now and I feel I can deal with this moment sensibly.
Thanks for listening xx
Hi Caro, it is a lot to take in isn't it, but we are all here trying to work our way through things and come out the other end in tact lol. Look forward to reading your posts and hope to offer support to you on your journey. Lovely to have you on here.
Wow- I feel so emotional after reading both of your posts- so much resonates with me. Isn't it strange that we can open up like this to toal strangers but not to the people we are closest too (probably another symptom of our 'issues'- not showing a weakness)
I stress constantly about everything, even things that haven't yet happened but might in the future- I even go through imaginary incidents that may happen in the future and stress about the outcome of these incidents and how I will deal with them.
This has to stop- maybe the food problem is a symtom of the stress and when the stressing is tackled I will feel less need to use food as my medication.
Ok, so today I am going to order from Amazon a book called 'Don't sweat the small stuff' which a friend recommended ages ago- apparently it is about trying to stop focussing on all the problems and concentrate more on the things that are going right in your life- my friend is really chilled and always uses as a mantra for a stressful situation "will you care about this in a year?" or "What's the worst that could happen if you DON'T do this?" ( if I answer "but so and so might get offended, it might get done wrong, they may feel let down" she always shrugs and says "so what?")
I am not saying I am ever going to be this chilled- at the end of the day a lot of how I act is part of what makes me who I am, but I would certainly like to tone it down and stop it causing me harm, so I am going to give this book a go as step 2
Have a good day ladies- I feel privileged to have met 2 such intelligent, insightful, self aware, control freakishly metal people! lol
xxxx
I am thanking God that I have met you guys and can open up on here, I think another couple of years of carrying on like this and I would be beyond help. It's good to have like minded people who understand, don't judge, and can support each other through this. As you say, opening up to our nearest and dearest would be a sign of weakness on our part and that is not in the plan of action, yet anyway, and I know it won't be for a long time yet for me. I have got to be comfortable with myself to let my guard down even a little bit.
Thats me, stressing about things that haven't even happened yet (and probably even won't), I go to bed and think to myself, thank goodness, I got through today without a catasrophy happening but its only cos I covered every eventuality that the days gone right. Its all down to me that the world hasn't ended, what a burden to have everyday.
Kirstin "I obviously feel more comfortable being unhappy. That's quite sad, really!"
Hadn't thought about this before, but yes I agree with what you say, I think I am more comfortable being unhappy and stressed, its what I know, and all the excuses you listed for eating ring true too, so am I really looking for excuses to stay unhappy and stressed to stay comfortable. Maybe!
So, we have quite a lot to be going on here ladies don't you think? What we need now is a plan to take a first little step today on doing something we would never do, just something that would normaly bother us, and see if we can deal with it, and what the consequences are. What do you think?
I would normaly bleach and scrub my kitchen work tops everytime I use them during the day, even after just making a coffee, but today I am going to try and just wipe them down with a cloth and not imagine the millions of bacteria crawling all over my kitchen. (see I'm imagining it already) Nobody in our house is going to get food poisoning, nobody will die, the world won't end. It is a perfectly clean work top like anybody elses. I do not need to be obsessed with things like this, its irrational. I can feel myself fighting this already and I haven't even left the computer lol, but I am going to try to fight the urge. It's time to learn to relax and let go, heres to day 1 and the very small things.
Hugs to you all and have a good day.
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