Thread: Food Addicts Not Anonymous

Good plan mate- I'm with you all the way

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Kirstin, I do that as well hold on to the bad memories as if they were the only ones I had, what concrete blocks we lug about with us, aren't we the ones eh?
Anyway, on a positive note, just gone lunch time and made myself lunch and have not scrubbed the pattern off the work top, just wiped! Didn't feel right at all, but I've stuck with it not sanitised the place. Tick in box 1 for me.
On a second totally unplanned behavioural matter, I have had a bit on the carpet all morning, and have not picked it up yet. Just keep walking past it, looking at it and telling myself I will not pick it up, it will stay there till I hoover tomorrow, it doesn't matter. I know its there but its only a bit of fluff, I can deal with it and not let it get to me.

Do you know what, I think I have got OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) Do you guys find you have to do things by a certain time in your routine and the day has to pan out in exactly the same format everyday almost to the minute. I do. I even have lulls (and this is really sad) in the day which are planned lulls for the unexpected! That's how bad I am, the unexpected has to happen in the allotted time slot in order to be dealt with! If it doesn't then stress is out of control and the fridge is the only solution.

My dad is coming down this afternoon at 4.00pm, and I am already clock watching and fretting about him turning up either early or late. He said 4 so its got to be 4 on the nose. What the heck does it matter, it is lovely to see him what ever time, but I can feel the knots in my stomach already over this. I'm going to have a coffee now and think about why I am worked up.

On another good note, I have not had anything I shouldn't today, no snacking etc, but I have had bigger portions than I would normally today. I wonder if its because thinking about these issues is driving me to food, but my good angel is keeping me in check. I don't know, but so far today is a great day on the food front and the cleaning front. Just got to get passed the 4 o'clock thing now lol.

Thanks cocktail for the encouragement

love and hugs, hope your day is going good too.

Hey guys..... OMG just logged on very quickly before hitting xmas shopping.....sorry but its true its only just over a mth away.
There is such a lot to catch up on here. I really need to give myself a couple of hrs to read thro things. So far I can identify with perfectionist slant and referree/ wanting to make things right for everyone. I also know that I tend to want everything perfect but if I fail I cant stand it so sometimes i wont try.... does that sound familiar at all???
I think that has been the case with relationships, weight loss to a certain extent and also acheiving my best at work. I am successful at what i do but i could do much more, I know I could but am frightened of failing and of succeeding??? Boy What a mess !
Having said that I feel the best I have felt in a long time with more confidence and finally talking to my GP for help with this and other probs. Do any of you guys suffer from depression as well??

Well will catch up later. As I need to do hair and makeup before my cousin arrives in five.

Take care everyone and i hope you are not affected by the floods.
Caro

Strawberryblonde, yep what you say about failing/succeeding I can identify with. If I succeed, then I have set myself a bench mark for the future so nothing less will do, and failing, well I cann't do that because it doesn't fit in with the perfectionist in me. Trapped either way.
As far as the depression goes, I honestly don't know. I don't think I do because I see myself as "normal" but maybe those around me or a professional might think differently.

I have to post this about yesterday guys, you just wouldn't believe it. I said I had knots in my stomach about my dad comming down, well we had tea and then ended up in casualty for an hour and a half with him. His back and neck went into spasms and he couldn't move and because of other illnessess we couldn't give him anything so hence A&E. NOT PLANNED AND NOT IN THE ALLOTTED TIME SPACE FOR THE UNPLANNED EITHER! Did I survive, of course I did, delt with it like a true trooper. Did I want food, too right I did, but because I was not in the house with anything to hand I got through without any. Do I feel good about it - OH YES! So I know I CAN do it I do not need to run to food every time there is a crisis in my life. Thats positive thoughts and I am going to hold on to them.
Regarding the bit of fluff on the carpet, I didn't pick it up all day and was in control of the matter telling myself I would do it today when I hoovered, annoyed me and irritated me but I stuck with it. Got back from hospital and it had gone. Now, get this line of thought. I was really cross. O/H had picked it up, but it was meant to be there till today so I could deal with it, so then I was annoyed it had gone! I kept walking past where it should have been and saying to myself I was dealing with that fluff and now the control over it has been taken away from me. I felt quite stressed over it. Didn't turn to food though for comfort but didn't know what to do with feelings. Just went to bed in the end and fell asleep thinking about fluff! Even this morning I thought I should have been hoovering that bit of fluff up, so its still on my mind.
Day 2 of not living in a bleach bottle and scrubbing the pattern of everything. I am feeling a tad calmer over that today. Infact, dispite everything I am feeling good today but then again I am in control again at the moment. Lifes always good when its like this, its the next crisis that will be the test. When I say lifes good, what I actually mean its good in my world, in control, stressed, planning for everything, guard up chained and padlocked. Waiting for the next problem to come along cos I know it will, its just a question of when, but I'm ready as usual.

I am still doing well on the not snacking between meals, just tell myself when I look at the time that its not long till the next meal and that I can then have a proper meal rather than just a snack. Its working at the moment for me so going along with it for now.

Hope you guys are having a good day and doing something positive about making a small change today.

Catch you later. love and hugs xxxx

Wow- so glad you coped well with the crisis of your Dad- well done for realising food wasn't what you needed.

Now- this fluff issue. I think your husband picking it up should be seen as a good thing. It proves that if you don't do something personally, it will still get done! Everything is not just down to you to solve- maybe you need to give others a bit of a chance to shine too?

This is me giving advice- knowing that of course I would find it incredibly difficult. My problems are not related to cleanliness as your are- I organise all family events/outings/meetings/parties and just cannot delegate. I find myself doing everything because I know it will be done right and other people can't do things as well as I would do them. I suppose I should follow my own advice and allow people the opportunity. So what if it is not perfect? (I would, of course, fret about it all night) but I have allowed someone else an opportunity, rather than just taking over. I know people appreciate the effort, but they must also see me as a bit controlling and bossy. Is this how I want to be seen by the people I love and care about?

Just using the analogy as it seems similar- maybe I need to take my own advice and allow other people more responsibility- otherwise will I end up like one of those controlling nasty old women who everyone hates because they constantly critisize?????

Kristen- you are truly very talented and very very insightful- this is a real gift!

You are absolutely 100% and I will make a massive effort to not get so frantic about doing everything (along with the eating/addiction/perfectionist stuff too- phew!)

What about you?
Are you so involved in caring about others that you leave yourself behind? Use the dish-drainer as an analogy- You are buying pretty things for your monkey, on here looking after the mentalists, and you treated yourself to.................a dish drainer!

Maybe you need a bit of you time ??xx??

LOL cocktail, I thought the same about the dish drainer, made me giggle and think there go I. Never mind Kirstin, something lovely for you next time.

Just wanted to say that the cleaning is only one of my probs. The rest of them are just like you, organising everything etc. But I do need to delegate and not whince when its not to my likeing. Funny, my O/H only said last week that being done different is not being done worse, its just that, different. There lies the problem, different is out of the comfort zone. But I am making changes, only little ones that I can feel slightly uncomfortable with and get used to the feeling and the consequences, but its the right direction.
I have deffinately felt better about food this week and to be honest, I think posting on here about my problems has diverted my constant thinking about food into other chanels, so I am pleased about that. Faceing up to the baggage being dragged about with me has at least made me realise why I was eating the way I was, so now I can try and stop and think about each situation as they arise and be more rational about it. I can no longer hide behind emotions and continue as I have been doing, and by being more aware of how I react to situations, I shall be trying to take a step back and have 5mins before I dive head first in. Thats plan A, plan B is........ lol.

Thanks for you kind words about my dad, he is much better today and just taking it slowly.

Kirstin, as cocktail has said, you are a very talented person in seeing in others what they cann't see for themselves. That is something very special and you must be such a careing person. A gift indeed. Your family is very lucky to have you, and the new dish drainer lol. I hope they appreciate it. Do something wonderfull for yourself though, you need to be at the top of the list sometimes. It is ok to treat yourself as someone important too.

Anyway, going to have a cuppa, got daughters GCSE presentation evening tonight so need to stay awake through the heads speech lol. Oh yes, they have a buffet too, wish me well. (should be ok, having tea before we go lol.)

Hugs to you all.

Thanks Kristin, Hugs to you all on this Saturday morning.

Looking forward to today actually, no particular reason, just feeling positive and upbeat. Not too much to do, quick trip to Aldi and a bit of cooking so a chill day I think. Got a few more Christmas presents to wrap up, and may write the cards out this afternoon.

Kristin, you definately need to learn to accept your talents, and be extremely proud of them. Try telling yourself every morning when you wake up that you are gifted and special and that you feel really good about it. Carry the thought with you all day.

Off now with my positive vibes to Aldi so have a wonderfull day and be happy. xx

Originally Posted by kristin1

Hey, hope we're all doing well. :-)

I have today, been the best this week, hopeing the momentun keeps going.

I feel I've been really good today (food-wise, so-so, but not obsessing about it or overdoing it, although not being strictly SW either....),Thats good Kristin, a healthy releationship with the food. am delegating childcare duties to hubby and not interfering or meddling, haven't treated myself yet but have seen a lovely LOVELY LOVERLY handbag in Next.... Will see if I can talk myself into it! ;-) (Just a money thing.)Fantastic, well done to you. I have done similar today and so far so good. Its different, not wrong. I do think sometimes we should buy ourselves something and have the pleasure of it without worrying about the money. If we were buying if for children or O/H we wouldn't not buy it would we because of the money (unless we really couldn't afford it of course). We must stop treating ourselves like some second class citizen who shouldn't have things and deserves nothing. We do not need to justify everything we have for ourselves.

Have really made an effort to take a step back and let things happen. Not fuss over crumbs and mess from monkey so much, leave things be, go with the flow.

There's the occasional tense tummy moment where I just can't help myself, but overall I feel I've been doing quite well!Excellent, its ok to have a tense tummy, thats what we are learning to deal with, but the fact that you have had a go and delegated, stepped back and gone with the flow is marvolous. Do the same tomorrow too and each day will become easier. Little and often is the way forward but with no pressure on ourselves.

Looking forward to cuddling up with OH in front of telly tonight, nothing exciting but lovely to have someone to cuddle up to.

Hugs to all,
k
x

P.S. I do realise that there is much going on in the world that is a lot more worthy, terrifying, important, etc. than this, but I think in my whole changing process (i.e. not doing the "all or nothing" thing so much anymore) I can still work on this while empathising and being involved with everything else.

Thanks to all you guys for sharing and listening!

Well done Kristin, it's a lovely positive post, feeling very proud of you. I got the feeling you are more relaxed today in general. Hope you have wonderful evening cuddled up and enjoy.

hugs to everyone xxxxxx

Morning peeps, well something must be working somewhere, lost 2.1lbs this week so result there. Had a good weekend, didn't stress about anything in the home even when I ended up at New Doc at the hospital last night with a rotten rash. Turns out to be ringworm (fungal infection and nothing to do with worms lol.) which is apparently very infectious. We think I may have picked it up from my doctors off the cuff to the blood pressure machine as its exactly where it goes on my arm and its the only place I have it. Oh joy, go to the docs with one thing and come out with 6 others lol. But anyway, dealt with that but this is where I got a little stressed. There was a dog left outside the hospital tied up to a light which was there when I arrived at 2.30 and was still there at 8.00 when I left (yes I was there all that time) so fretted about that, told them to contact me if nobody came back for it as soft stuff here would have taken it in. Rang this morning and its gone so that's ok. Got absolutely loads to do today and another week of appointments for one thing and another and don't want to get behind (not stressed just wanting to be organised, there is a difference I think and hope).
I feel very proud today that I haven't turned to food for comfort, I think I have been lucky that when the need has struck I haven't been in the house or around food, but at least it has made me realise I can cope without it, just need to find other ways of distraction.

How have you done this weekend, fantastic I hope? Have you any plans to put into action this week, little steps eventually cover the miles?

Catch you later, so have a wonderful day and respect yourselves. Love and hugs xxxxx

So glad you feel more in control, despite the infections!!!

I would defo have worried about the dog too- that is exactly the sort of thing that keeps me awake at night.

I have had a good week so far. I am really trying with the 'am I REALLY hungry or is it my emotional stomach calling for food'. This has not worked 100%, but about 90% so there is a vast range of food that I haven't eaten this week that I would have before.

The wierd thing is I find SW and the mentality of some people on here doesn't help the emotional eater. I am not being critical when I say 'mentality' just that we all have different problems and what works for one person might not work for another.

An example of this is the SW mantra of if it is free you can eat it in abundance- perpetrated by many on here "if you want it and it's free have it!" (see the problem? "want it" is dangerous to an emotional eater, as want and need are miles apart for us). I understand that this is precisely why SW works so well- unrestricted food, but when you are trying to overcome overeating problems, this occasionally doesn't help. So if I am sat here and I glance at the fruit bowl I might feel the urge to eat some fruit- the SW part of my brain says "eat as much bloody fruit as you like- its free" but the part of my brain that is trying to overcome emotional eating is saying "But you aren't even hungy- you're just eating because it's there or you are bored"

Last night I sat picking at leftover roast chicken and wasn't the slightest bit hungry. My justification was that because I am doing SW it was free so didn't matter. But I wasn't particularly enjoying it so stopped, and felt better.

Still working on it and reminding myself that it won't happen overnight

Good luck to everyone else this week

xxxx

WOW go you cocktail, great improvement for you this week, very pleased for you. Great news that you realised about the chicken and stopped picking at it. You weren't hungry, didn't need it and didn't carry on just because its free! Its really good visualising the 2 stomachs isn't it, "the hungry" one and the "phantom I want it" one. I too have been working on this all week, well for the past two week really, and it is working for me most of the time now. I seem to have cut out the snacking in-between meals 99% of the time now, and enjoyed weight loss into the bargain, so bonus. You have a great point about SW and the "its free so eat as much as you like". I think we may hear that part of it and forget the part that says "until satisfied". Maybe selective hearing comes into play with the "free" and "eat". I know the SW plan works if followed correctly, (and that's the point, followed correctly, till satisfied, which I don't think I do as I have been eating just because I can on this plan) but at the end of the day its got to come down to calories in V calories out in order to lose weight, but if someone who has problems with food as I do is eating free food just because I can, even that has calories and adds up during a day. Listening to the hungry stomach has made a vast difference to me recently and I think this is definitely the way for me to go. I'm also drinking more in-between meals and I think that is helping too. Apparently hunger and thirst give of the same feelings, so my aim is to suffer neither. More of the last 2 weeks for me, stepping back, listening to myself, controlling anxiety and letting go of unimportant things slowly. I have managed this last few weeks with a few ups and downs but it has shown me what I can do and live to tell the tale. I'm not so frightened now to try something out for a day and see how it goes, and I have my crisis box to fall back on as a safety net if it does go pear shaped. The days where I have managed to let go of something, I have felt nervous, but proud of the achievement and, where as before I would have had a reward of something nice to eat, I seem to be happy with a pat on the back and raised self esteem.

I do feel today (maybe because its a good day so far) that I have at last found the road to recovery and taken a few steps, but at least I'm not just fumbling around in the dark anymore making excuses and hiding behind habits and food. I'm not feeling under pressure either at the moment to be perfect, as my O/H said to me, being perfect is scary, being imperfect is perfect. Thats the thought I'm holding on to today.

Fabulous Kristin, going in the right direction and surviving. Wonderful about the handbag, you deserve it and I know you will get a lot of pleasure out of it.

I know in my case it is learning to delegate and not obsess over everything and I have been doing that over the last few days. Felt very strange to begin with, but have stood back and let them get on with it (watching from the corner of my eye of course to make sure its done how I like it) and on the whole, things have panned out really well. I need to build trust that I can delegate and have the jobs or what ever done to how I like them done on the whole, and control the stress levels when it falls a bit short, and not dive in to put it right. Well, not right but to my standards if you know what I mean. I think actually as I am relaxing more over things the rest of the family is a bit nervy as its soooo out of character for me, hope they don't start stressing out lol. I am controlling the cleaning urges and being more sensible over that and delegating the organisation of events more, but still looking over their shoulder on this, just not doing it for them.

Had a dickey moment this morning which almost upset the eating plan when my mum was stressing out over the fact no one was answering the phone (I was in the shower so couldn't and the others were getting ready for work/school and were upstairs. ) Blimey, to hear her going on was just tensing me up so much. I felt like an elastic band ready to break by the time I came off the phone to her and went straight into the kitchen and looked at crisis box. I told myself this was just the moment I needed to be strong and I didn't need the food, it wasn't going to change anything, so put the box back and went outside and walked round the garden. The feelings had passed after a couple of mins and I was so pleased with myself for handling it the way I did and not doing the munch mission. It was a really silly situation to get wound up over but I succeeded. Result.

The stopping to think about a situation is a key point for me, together with the 2 stomachs and hunger, but each day now is not so scary as the day before so assume I must be doing something right at the moment. I'm sitting looking at some ironing on the stairs which I would have normally taken straight upstairs but have put there till I go up next and yes it is "different" and "bothering" me, but it isn't freaking me out and I haven't made a special journey to get rid of it. I will deal with it in a while but not now, its not necessary!, another little step for me.

Still working on my treat!

Have a wonderful day and keep making progress. Love to you all, Carolyne xxx

Kristin, there is nothing wrong with tears honey, it lets out the frustration and stress, its better than bottling it up and putting on the front that we're coping. The alternative - eating, and that's what we are trying to get away from. Take a step back, break the problems down one at a time and ask yourself, will eating solve this problem. If the answer is no, (which I assume it will be) then don't do it. Kick the wall, go out for 10 mins, have a cuppa and sit down, talk to someone about it, but don't let the emotions drive you to the medication (food) you would normally take. It is a false comfort. You are a strong woman Kristin, and can deal with today, I wish I was there with you to help. You have recognised what is happening, and that is fantastic, I just really hope you can ride the storm and get through the next hour or so when it will hopefully have calmed down a bit. Sending positive vibes to you and a big hug. xxxx

Hi guys
Sorry for not being on for a while have been back at wrk and it has got manic with all the winter ailments. Have been too tired to surf when I have got in.
You all seem to be doing great. To be positive I have been more aware of my emotions in relation to eating, but to be negative have had a few rough days with a friend which brought up issues from my parents divorce and I fell off the wagon re that, also have to go for some tests at hosp which maybe nothing but who knows, i have got an appt within 6 wks which seems quick. Thats freaked me out really, got in today and the appt is for next Tues. Also its that time of the mth again and I am sooo tired. So its not been great tonight either!
Could do with some wise words or a cyber hug!
Catch you all later in the week.
Caro