Thread: Is the engagement too quick?

I got engaged on Christmas day this year, and my mum is worrying. She says it is way too soon, and doesn't seem to take on board anything I am saying regarding it. I met OH in Nov 2010, he moved in Feb/March 2011, and we got engaged Christmas 2011. I'm 27 if that has any bearing.

Personally, I don't see that as too quick, but maybe it is? Or is it natural maternal worries? I don't like to think of her losing sleep over this (which she has been doing), but there's only so many times you can say "I'm happy", "you don't need to know his entire life history" and "it isn't too fast" without going a bit cuckoo! Today is the 3rd or 4th 'meeting' we've had regarding the impending wedding (I say impending, we're looking at 2014!), and each time it's been the exact same. I even dragged my brother in today in an attempt to help out, but he was no use. Friday OH is going round with me too, but my mother is quite terrifying to some!

Dads views? "Just go to Vegas, it's cheaper than £30-£40 per head"

Originally Posted by Tinytootz

I got engaged on Christmas day this year, and my mum is worrying. She says it is way too soon, and doesn't seem to take on board anything I am saying regarding it. I met OH in Nov 2010, he moved in Feb/March 2011, and we got engaged Christmas 2011. I'm 27 if that has any bearing.

Personally, I don't see that as too quick, but maybe it is? Or is it natural maternal worries? I don't like to think of her losing sleep over this (which she has been doing), but there's only so many times you can say "I'm happy", "you don't need to know his entire life history" and "it isn't too fast" without going a bit cuckoo! Today is the 3rd or 4th 'meeting' we've had regarding the impending wedding (I say impending, we're looking at 2014!), and each time it's been the exact same. I even dragged my brother in today in an attempt to help out, but he was no use. Friday OH is going round with me too, but my mother is quite terrifying to some!

Dads views? "Just go to Vegas, it's cheaper than £30-£40 per head"

I like your dads idea

In all seriousness, why is she worrying? Does OH have a shady past? Children involved? Have you had problems in the past?

Congratulations xx

At 27 you are old enough to know what you want and if you feel in your heart of hearts he is the one then that is what counts as you will be spending the rest of your life with him and not your mother.

Its not like you are jumping into getting married as 2014 is a long way off and if you do have a change of heart well that is a woman's prerogative.

Your Dad sounds like he is fine about it

Congratulations on your engagement

He has a less than typical (in my mums eyes) past. Lived with grandparents since the age of 7, sees his mum about once a year, doesn't know his dad, has a child from previous long term relationship who lives with his grandparents. I don't see it as shady, just non conventional perhaps. Prior to him I came out of a 7yr relationship, but I kinda see that as a 'so what'. He treats me like a princess, and even my mother said he is far better to me than the ex.

And thanks

I'm guessing by your reply your mum knows about his past/upbringing etc.

She's probably just concerned for you. Only daughter I presume?

I guess just ride it out and let her ask her questions until she's blue in the face. Good on oh that he's off for the grilling too! xx

Congrats on getting engaged!

Is the issue that your parents are paying for wedding things and they worry they are going to shell out a lot of money and you wont stay together? If thats the case - i think i would suggest you pay for your own wedding to avoid these sort of discussions/comments.

I dont think its too soon - especially as you are not going to get married until 2014, that will be 4 years of being together and engaged!

Congrats again!

Aye, only daughter. As far as I know, we are splitting the wedding between us and my parents. Its not the money, mum just keeps wittering on that its too fast and she knows *nothing* about him. But yes, he is facing the grilling too, seems only fair

We have discussed it, and the venue is going to be booked kinda soon-ish, I just wish she would stop worrying so much as it will make her ill. She knows as much as I know about him. And no, I don't know everything about him, but by the same token, he doesn't know me inside-out.

I keep telling her its ages away. She even hasn't told anyone about it as she thought it would be temporary nice to feel like you're being taken seriously, eh?

I'd say he moved in quickly but you've been living together a year so should have a a fair idea on whether your compatible for living together long term! they do say when you know you know. Try explain to your mum that your in love and know hes the one for you and if she can't respect that that she should respect that your old enough to make your own mistakes. Try and work out what her specific worries are then maybe you are your partner can help settle those fears. Good luck!

How long was your mum & dad 'courting' before they married? There's always the possibility that she's not as happy as she'd hoped to be & doesn't want the same for her only daughter!?!

As you've lived together for nearly a year and aren't getting married for another 2+, I personally don't think you're rushing things. Also, assuming he proposed (without your help ) he's showing his commitment to the relationship as he's already got everything bar the certificate!

I recon there must be more to your mum's stance than she's letting on - I'd give her a bit longer to 'reveal' but wouldn't discount your dad's suggestion.

Us mums want the world for our little girls but we have to accept that they've got to lead their own lives. We just have to hope that we've done our utmost to instill the best possible values & common sense to help them throughout adulthood.

Hey congratulations - how romantic to do it on Xmas Day too

My time scales are similar to yours. I was 21 when I met OH, we looked for a place to live together after 3 months and brought one (after lots of letters with solicitors) after 6 months, we too got engaged on our 1 year date anniversary.
As long as you are happy, then it doesn't matter what others think
BTW - Getting married by Vegas is something we priced up doing, with a joined on honeymoon to Hawaii, it was so much cheaper to do that than to get married over here!

I'd agree with all the above the timescales are not too soon. I'd try & find out why your mum is concerned, maybe you'll need to be discrete with your questioning to find out.

My 19 year old daughter met her boyfriend Aug last year & has just moved in with him, they started to talk about living together after 10 weeks. She's had two long term relationships in the past & said it just felt different & right. I'm happy with her decision & didn't put her off.

I met OH at a bustop, in the dark, and we married 3 months later. That will be 40 years in June!

Congratulations :-)

I met my hubby in April 98, bought a house together in the October, got engaged that new year and married April 2000. Together 2 years to the day when we got married. I was 20 when we got engaged. Time rolls on, been together 14 & married 12!
Life is tricky but if you know it's what you want then go for it. It's understandable that they might think its quick but as long as you feel it's right.
There are no guarantee's in life so do what makes you happy :-)
Enjoy it...... Being married is tough but it's so worth it when you find " the one" x

Her main argument is the fast thing, and I do wonder if she is kinda thinking of when she got married. Her and dad courted for about a year, she got married when she was 22, and openly admits she didn't love dad, that grew in time. She doesn't believe in love, so explaining that to her would be met with eye rolling. I think her main concern is that I will get hurt. She describes me during my split with the ex as a 'wounded animal', and understandably never wants to see me like that again. But if you take no risks, you reap no rewards in my mind.

Will see how it pans out. We are both doing our best to try and calm her down a bit, but she is quite highly strung as a general rule. She is meeting his grandparents and daughter on Friday, so then she may feel better about stuff. Or worse!

Thank you for putting my mind slightly at ease. I'll put it down to maternal worries until I find out otherwise

Do you as a couple spend time in your mom & dads company, go round for tea, pop in at the weekend, maybe go out to the pub all together? Perhaps she's not seen enought of him to make a decision on him and see how happy you both are as a couple. Once they start to see you as a solid/happy couple and not just you popping in after work on your own she'll change her mind and see hes the man for you.

Congratulations to you both........